destitute-geek

Belize and Libya

2011-08-22T15:28:00.000-04:00

[WRITTEN AT Sun 21 Aug 2011 11:58:15 PM EDT ]

Today is appears Libya has been won.

Over the last day there has been intense fighting. The rebellion forces had win after win and now the have taken the capitol, Tripoli. Residents went out of their houses to greet the rebels with cheers. There are still pockets of resistance, I’m listening to the BBC now. They say a hotel that is being used as the governments “media center" is still heavily guarded. Their, now former, dictator has not been found yet. Two of his sons has been captured.

Today I met a two women from Belize. Who was also Karl’s daughter. Remember Karl? He was the old man that died whom my Mom did housework for. He also built a tri-meran in he basement, witch he had mom and I helped him move out of his basement and up a hill. And when moving it up the hill the mast snapped and almost fell on me.

We were at China lake with David when they showed up. Their skin was very dark brown, both had dreadlocks, one was taller than me and big, the other was skinny and about my hight and had a son with spiky hair. Both spoke with a accent that I thought sounded like Jamaican. All three went swimming. The skinny one was swimming with her son in her arms while I was sitting on the shore watching Maisie and Spencer swimming with a air raft far out in the lake. The mother suddenly cried out. I looked to the trio. The said something excitedly to her friend, then looked around, saw me, and said “Did you see that?!” I asked what. She said that a fish had jumped out of the water into the air just inches in front of her and her child. I laughed. Maisie and Spencer lost the raft and the wind picked it out of the water and was skipping it across to water towards the shore up the road a ways. I went to get it. On my way back I say two guys walking down the road in full pirate costume getup and one having a large pirate flag resting on his shoulder. I saw them earlyer sitting in a black scratched up canoe that was in the back of a red truck that was driving up that same road they were walking down now. While they were in the truck they were waving mock pirate pistols in the air. (Woah, I just head Gadhafi has may have been arrested.) I recorded video of them walking as I said “Hey you have the best boat on the lake.” One said “Thanks. You have the best inner tube on the lake,” pointing at the triangular air raft I was carrying. I said “Oh haha, very funny. Thank you.”

Mom was talking with the smaller girl with the Kid when I got back. Mom introduced me to her. Her name was Liz. She was wearing a yellow shirt and a red bikini bottom. We shook hands, her hand felt cold as ice. Probably from the water. They resumed talking about Karl from before I got there. I asked “Oh, you knew Karl?” Liz said “I’m-I’m his daughter.” I simply said “Oh.” I was not sure what I should have said to someone who lost their father. Mom explained that both of those girls were Karl’s daughters, sisters, and the boy was his grandson. She then asked Liz what part of the world they were from. She answered Belize. She showed us a hand made bracelet which had the word “Venezuela” and Liz said that is where her boyfriend is from. I never got the boys name. I don’t remember the other womans name. The reason they were in this country is because they have inherited Karl’s house and are now living in it. I shook hands with her again before she left. I sat and looked across the lake for a while after that. Something suddenly made jerk my head to left and there before me was a fish hanging in the air, for just a milisecond, before falling back into the water. Woah.

I went over to Boonies the night before. We hung out, talked, and he showed me how to properly read guitar tab. Turns out I’ve been reading it wrong all this time which is why nothing I read in tab made any sense to me. I then downloaded the tab to the song “Come Down” by the The Pillows, one of my favorite bands. I now pretty much know how to play it with the exception of one little riff that happens in a few different spots in the song, it’s crazy impossible to play and only lasts a half beat and is supposed to be played in between really fast strumming, but other than that I know how to play it. Awesome. I know how to play a song now. Well, I also know how to play “Warning” by Green Day but that song is nothing more that 3 open chords repeating over and over for 2 minutes, so that does not count.

I actually know how to play a song now. And now that I can decipher tab now I can learn even more songs. HOLY CRAP. THANK YOU BOONIE.

Also while I was there Boonies friend Seth gave me an old cell phone that he no longer uses to replace my old one witch is, literally, physically falling apart. It has a 1.3 mega pixel camera on it that can take still photos and video so I’m really happy about that. It is what I used to record video of those two guys in pirate outfits. Thanks Seth.

Also some time ago I was riding my bike home one night and the sky was so clear you could see the Milky Way. I stopped in the middle of road to gaze up at it. I said aloud “We’re under the universe.” No one else was there, I just felt like that was what to say. It’s a cool sounding phrase, so I wanted to make note of it.

I promise myself that I WILL write down and record everything that happened Portcon and Joey’s Death before anything else happens.

[END WRITING AT Mon 22 Aug 2011 01:34:41 AM EDT ]

I will always love you, Joey.

2011-08-17T16:22:00.003-04:00

[WRITTEN AT Mon 25 Jul 2011 11:37:05 PM EDT ]

Sometime today, Joey, my dog, is presumed to have died.
This morning I got up for work. When I was getting breakfast the front door was open. Joey took a very long drink of water and floundered down the steps. He paced around for a bit, I noticed that he had a really had time keeping his butt in the air. It looked like his entire back end, hips, butt, tail, legs, was just too heavy for him to hold up. He then came near the steps again and stood facing northeast, parallel to the house. I stood in the doorway looking at him. He looked up at me. He was panting hard and fast. He looked a bit like a sheep. Mom and Spencer had recently cut away most of his fur to rid him of fleas. Now he looked like a fluffy white sheep. I saw the lines and wrinkles in his face as he looked at me. A few months ago was when I actually noticed that he had grown wrinkles when the headlights of our car shined on his face one night.
He looked at me a moment more, and I looked right back at him. He looked happy to me.
He looked forward again and started to walk across the lawn in parallel to the house, towards the wood. I walked too, but just to the fridge to get my breakfast.
By the time I was ready to go, we did not see Joey again. Joey would normally walk around outside all the time, and eventually come back in. I walked all around the house but he was no where to be found. Nowhere. He could not have gone far, he was old and slow and today he was even walking funny on flat ground. He could not have walked far at all through all the thick trees and underbrush. That was hard for even me to walk through. Yet, he was no where. It’s like he simply evaporated. Eventually I had to go to work. On the drive home Mom talked about that’s how animals like to pass on. They go off and hide somewhere alone and let themselves die. How animals like dogs know exactly when they are going to die is beyond me. She told me about how when I was away at the film festival for two days, Joey walked down the driveway and was hit by someone driving to our neighbors house last night. I noticed when I came home the day after the film fest I noticed that there were gashes on Joey’s face, around his right eye and forehead. I thought maybe he had fought with Big (our other dog) again. I guess now that he got those gashes from whoever hit him in the car the night before. Mom said that the night before someone driving away from our neighbors house had dragged Joey under their vehicle and Mom had carried Joey home. At his age, Joey should not have survived that.
I feel guilty, and I should. I deserve it. When I came home from a bike ride that late last night, Joey had peed all over the kitchen floor just where you walk in. I cleaned it up, but later that night when I was listening to the radio in my room he peed on the rug. I yelled at him and kicked him twice in the butt. Not hard, but, no, I’m thinking of all kinds of reasons to explain away why I would hurt Joey like that, but I have no excuse. There is no excuse. What I did to him was wrong. After I found a towel to help soak the pee out of the rug I went into Mom’s room where Joey was hiding. Mom was not home yet, she was at Jim’s. I apologized to him, pet him, scratched, and hugged him. I also tried to look more closely at the gashes on his face but he did not want to let me look at it at first, he kept pulling his face away from me. But I looked at them a little, said goodnight to him and went to bed. Witch brings me to now, I still have not seen him since this morning. It’s 12:33AM now. I lit a blue Mulberry incense stick for him. It’s raining heavily now and has been for a hour. My room smells nice right now. A BBC news man on my radio is talking about President Obama working with republicans to solve the debt problem. I feel so guilty. I’ve known that Joey was old for a long time now and I’ve been meaning to take a photo of us together. Because I knew I may not get another chance. But I kept putting it off, and now it is too late. I wish I could somehow have been able to at least say goodbye. I remember when I first got him it was late at night and two old women brought him to us. He got out of their car zipped back and fourth around the driveway very fast. He was small and fit and young. I have a memory on being on my knees after giving up chasing him, and watching him zip away from me, then back past me. And Mom and Doug are ignoring him for the most part, talking to the two old women they were buying him from. Come to think of it, I think Joey was my first friend in Vassalboro. Before even Donald and Ernest. And I don’t even have a single photo of the two of us together. I’m always the one taking the photo, the one behind the camera. Damn it. Damn it all.
I’m tired. I’ll write about MIFF and other things that have been happening later. I’m going to sleep. I miss Joey.
I’m so sorry, Joey. I’m so sorry. I love you, Joey. I really. do.

[END WRITING AT Tue 26 Jul 2011 12:45:59 AM EDT ]
[WRITTEN AT Tue 02 Aug 2011 03:31:53 PM EDT ]
A few days one of Davids aid workers was driving us home and Mom was telling her about how Joey had Joey had gone off into the woods to die, and how lots of animals would do similar things. We drove up behind the our car. Just over the car you could see through our door, that had been opened. And just over the roof our car, though the doorway I saw two brown ears.
“Hey, look who’s not dead.” I said.
Mom gasped and got out of the van but did not go in at first, she seemed afraid to believe it. I got out and walked up the steps into the house. I petted Joey and put my bag on the table and watched Joey pace around the kitchen and back to his usual spot, staring out the doorway. Mom hugged the aid worker and eventually came in. It was nice for Joey to be back. Later that night I used the webcam on my netbook to take a few photos of me and Joey. However, even with the lights the shitty camera had a hard time making out any shapes or anything. I figured I’d take some more photos in broad daylight the next day or so when I was not working. Over the next couple days Joey acted weird. At one point I found him walking around under the house, and trying to eat a small frog but that part was not abnormal for a dog. He did want to come out nor did he try. On Friday, July 29, Mom picked me up from work. On the way home she told me, I don’t remember any of the words she used at all but long story short she told me Joey was having seizures for a long time and not coming out so she put him down. When I asked how she told me she got a gun from Jim.
I felt nothing.
When we got home I turned on the tv and got something to eat. When I turned on the tv I passed the doorway to Moms room and saw the aftermath. Joey was laying on his side no different from any other time he would lie down. He was pointing towards one of Moms dressers. A bit dark green, blue, or purple colored silk-like, patterned fabric was covering his head. Blood was seeping out from under it across the pink carpet.
I felt nothing. Save for maybe a small amount of surprise from never having seen such a sight before.
Later on, after I had dug a sizable hole, Mom and I worked on moving Joey out of the house. When I went into Moms room the stench was almost overpowering. Almost. Mom had already moved him enough to wrap him in a blanket. I suggest I go find a tarp to move him with and I got her to agree. More than getting a tarp, I just wanted to go to the car and get enough mints out of it to keep the smell from getting to me. By the time I found the tarp Mom had already gotten Joey to the front door, don’t ask me how. We rolled him into the tarp and brought him to the hole I dug in the front yard. I think either of us could have lifted him by our selves but we did not I don’t think either of us wanted to touch or smell him. We rolled him into his grave and Mom started to push one of the piles of dirt back into the hole while I went to pry rocks out of the ground in the area to pile on his body. Before I covered his head with a rock I asked Mom, “Can I see his face, or is it bad?” She said, “No, nope, it was a clean shot.” I uncovered his face. The first thing I saw was his teeth. Then his nose. A small amount of blood coming out of his nose. Then his closed eye. I asked Mom where she shot him, she said right between the eyes.” I looked at him for a long time. He was upside down in perspective to me. I craned my head to look at him better. After a while I covered him back up and put a rock over his head. Then Mom pushed dirt over his head. I put rocks over the rest of his head and buried him. Later, I put a square-ish rock of granite over his grave, a little to the left of where I think his head is, like an improvised tombstone.
It’s has been a few days now. I’ve gone back to my last day at my temporary job. Now I’m back to being a N.E.E.T. Our boss got us pizza to eat with each other at the end and I was laughing and talking with my former co-workers. I don’t feel any different than normal. I know I recognize Joey being dead as a negative thing, but I do not feel anything negative, or anything at all for that matter, about it. I feel nothing. Joey was the first friend I had when we moved to Vassalboro. I remember how during Winter when I would dig tunnels through the snow, Joey would dig his own small, cone shaped holes, and then shove his head into it.
Why don’t I feel anything about his death? At the same time I feel like I’m supposed to be feeling bad that I don’t feel anything about. But going back to the start, I don’t feel anything. Maybe it’s just not hit me yet.

The reason this part of this post took so long is because I had to leave to go eat at Davids house.
[END WRITING AT Tue 02 Aug 2011 07:35:32 PM EDT ]

[WRITTEN AT Tue 16 Aug 2011 02:47:26 AM EDT ]
After we brought Maisie home from her camp she was only here for a few days, and then she was off to spend a week with her father. That was When Joey died. I noticed a while back she had left something at the foot of Joey’s tombstone. It was a small red piece of leather. Circular but with a tab on one side that has a hole punched in it so one could tie it to things. In it Joeys name was scribbled into it via burning. While she was at camp she got to use some tool to burn words onto various shaped pieces of leather. She made one for me too with my name name and a fish burned into it. I found Joey’s a day after it rained. It was covered in the freshly dug dirt splashed up by rain drops. I put it back where I found it, but I wish I could think of some simple way preserve the leather name tag in the outdoors on the ground, it will just rot in the open elements.

A couple nights ago I finished taking a shower and there was no towel. It was late and no one was awake so I just quietly walked into the living room to get one. As I grabbed a towel I looked at the darkened entryway to Moms room and thought “Ew, Joey can see me naked” because he was all ways up all the night just pacing around in Moms room. Then I remembered he was dead. Finally, I felt the tinyist twinge of guilt.
I remember taking him for a walk once, even when he was never really into going for walks. I remember riding the our 4wheelers when I was younger and he would always run with us. When ever he saw water like a creek or swamp he would always dive in and go for a swim. But if we ever would try to give him a bath he would always fight and squirm against us until we were just to tried to force him into the tub.
I can’t really think of any else to say about Joey. I wish I did but I can’t think of anything else right off the top of my head. I’m not going to tie in Joey’s Death with everything else that happened in between Joey’s Death and Portcon 2011. Which was a lot of things, and I really to get it all written down, but Joey deserves his own post. Not that saying that really *means* anything. He was a big part of life here. And like I said earlier he was my first friend in Vassalboro. I can’t do anything else for him now except kick myself over and over for not hanging out with him more before he died. Which I am. We always bitch about what we lose after it’s gone, and don’t give a fuck about it while it’s around. I’m no different. And I hate myself for it. I’m going to try and see if I can gather up any photos of Joey from Mom and Maisie and digitize them. They probably have more photos of Joey than I do.

Goodbye Joey. I love you.
[END WRITING Tue 16 Aug 2011 03:51:38 AM EDT ]

[ADDED Wed 17 Aug 2011 04:23:33 PM EDT ]

I want to say more, but I just don't know what.
I miss him. I want him back at least long enough so I can say goodbye. I can't remember exactly when was the last time I saw him. My Mom told me about it on the way home from work, so I suppose I saw him in the morning before work. I have an image of it in my head where I'm looking down at him as he paced in kitchen like he normally did. In the direction of the glass door. But that could have been any morning. I just had the change that "did" I just typed from "does." Past tense. Joey is in the past tense now. Everything is always in the past tense. I hate this. I hate that I can't say goodbye, I hate that Mom had to shoot him with no one to help her, I hate that I didn't get to say goodbye, I hate that I don't remember that last time I saw Joey. I want another chance. I want a do over of that day. I would have skipped work. I would have hugged him. I would have done so many things different.
At least he got one last adventure in the woods into him before he died. I glad for that.

Portcon 2011

2011-07-27T11:20:00.001-04:00

[WRITTEN AT Thu 07 Jul 2011 02:07:22 AM EDT ]

On a day at some point a while before Portcon, I saw a double rainbow. I was walking home from the library and while I was standing next to a field I saw a rainbow, and above it I saw another bigger one above it. Or at least half of one. So it was more like a one and a half rainbow. And as I was looking I saw a bolt of lightning right inside the smaller, inner, rainbow. Wow. Bet I'll never see that again. I kept walking down the road towards two pre-teen girls I saw jumping in puddles from the recent rain. I passed them while they were near the culvert. I told them that they probably should not go inside it because of the bugs, and then told them about what I saw. They got excited and ran back up the road towards the field. When I got home Spencer was there and he asked me about the same girls from the road. (He and mom saw them when they had driven home.) He made reference to fucking them and then asked me what I though of it. I told him they seemed to be 12 and walked to my room.

One of the days before Portcon was really weird; I can't remember witch day exactly because it was a while ago now. When walking to Bills house a helicopter flew so low I almost could have hit it with a rock. When walking from Bill's house I saw some animal up a tree. I think it looked like a beaver or groundhog or something similar. It was not really that scared by me. It broke off the end of a branch it was sitting on and chewed on it. While I was watching, a truck drove by (not visibly disturbing the tree animal) and a bat few overhead. That was nearby where my old middle school art teacher lives. When I was almost home I was listening to music and looking at the stars while walking and I saw two things moving in the sky. They looked just like any just like any of the other stars that were in the sky, but they were moving. (Of course I don't think it was stars that were moving, any of the stars we see in the night sky are un-imagineably far away, and any of their light that we actually see is hundreds of millions of years old. I'm not crazy.) From my viewpoint, one object was traveling on a downward right slant while the other object was traveling on a upward and to the right. If they had kept traveling without any change in trajectory, they would have pasted each other in parallel, but their trajectory did change. They had some sort of pull on each other, like a magnetic or gravitational pull. When they reached each other in center of my vision they changed each others trajectory when they came close to each other, they swung around each other like they were momentarily tied by a string, witch then broke sending the objects in perfectly horizontal trajectory (from my viewpoint) in opposite directions from each other. Really weird shit. I wonder what they were. Maybe some low orbit debris? NASA tracks all kinds of plain ol' garbage that's orbit around Earth. I wish I could know what they were, but I never will.

PORTCON 2011

Corey, a friend of Steve's picked me up at Barnes and Nobel bookstore in Agusta early in the morning. When I got in the car he gave something from Steve. It was the case to a DS game, Kingdom Hearts: Re:Coded. I opened it and two twenty dollar bills unfolded in front of me. Steve was paying Corey for my ride to Portcon. “Oh...! This is for you!” I said, and handed the money to Corey. The other thing inside the case was a Kingdom Hearts game, but not Steve's Re:Coded, it was my 358/2 Days, a game I let him barrow. He used the case from his game to protect mine. Steve is such a great friend. I'm going to pay him back too.
The first thing I saw when I walked into the hotel Portcon takes place in was a giant cosplay of Creeper, a creature from the game Minecraft. It serves no purpose in the game other than to silently walk up to you and then blow the fuck up. That's it. Thats all the down. Blow up you and anything you have built in the game. Their haunting faces are not fun either. It was a really good cosplay too. I took a photo on a cell phone a “borrowed” from my sister, who is currently away at some camp she got into for free. I just walked around and looked at artwork in the artist alley for a long time. Boonie and Steve could not come this year so I went around trying to meet new people. Like I do every year. Though this time I only talked to people who seemed to be my age. A girl named Amber talked to me asking about the giant wooden box on my back. This year was my first cosplay and I was cosplaying as Ginko from the manga MuShiShi. She tried on the box and said it was heavy but I really don't think so. I also met her friends, Taryn and her boyfriend John, Katie, and Spencer. John is a programmer who works with various languages, one of witch being Assembly. So he's pretty much a genius. And I told him so. Amber was doing a perfect cosplay of Lighting from Final Fantasy 13. I met a girl named Shelby who was doing an amazing cosplay of Red Link from The Legend of Zelda: The Four Swords. I took a photo of her too. And she took a photo if me too. I though it was really cool that this was my first cosplay ever, and 5 people actually recognized my cosplay, and three asked to take my photo! All this even though I TOTALLY fucked up my hair. Ginko's hair is supposed to be white. But my the bleaching job ended up making my hair half blond and half orange-ish. But people recognized me anyway! Next year, I'll have a wig instead.
[END WRITING AT Thu 07 Jul 2011 04:53:24 AM EDT ]
[RESUME WRITING AT Mon 11 Jul 2011 10:21:16 PM EDT ]
In an attempt to get my hair at least a little white I crossed the street from the hotel and walked to the Portland mall where I found a store selling white spray-on hair color. I wondered what the mall guards thought of me. I mean, anyone could carry a low yield nuclear device in their bag, but I had a giant wooden box on my back. If I were a terrorist I could do a lot of damage with a bomb as big as my box. I went back to the hotel, walked into a bathroom and unloaded the whole can on my head. It did not work at all. It just made one chunk of hair on my head all stick together like, (as John said) “Looks like somebody jizzed in your hair.”
In the vendors room (where I met Amber and co.(Or rather where they met me)) I bought a dark green t-shirt with a yellow graphic on the front of four characters from a anime I like called FLCL, I bought a keychain toy of Mew from the Pokmon games. After looking at the label I found out that the toy is actually from 1997! It's never been opened so it may be worth a lot of money. I also bought a pin-on button of the main character from the games Pokemon Black and Pokemon White. Though the seller was out of that particular character so she sent it in the mail to me and it arrived yesterday. At some point when we were outdoors we saw a small line of people all waddling in a line. Some one said “Join the waddle line!” And I did. So did Amber. The line of people waddled around the hotel following the person in front of the line. The line got bigger and bigger as we coaxed more and more people to join in. The “Waddle Line” got really really big as our leader fearlessly lead us into the hotel itself. As if it was not crowded enough already. Any of the normal footpaths that weaved around groupings of people inside were blocked but the giant line of slow moving cosplayers. We went down one hallway only to find out that the door at the end was locked! The leader turned and led us all back down the hall so that the entire line passed itself. As it did we all high-fived each other congratulating each others dedication and such. We went out of the hotel a different way that we went and walked around the whole parking lot (stopping traffic) and eventually back inside the hotel for another round. This time we went inside the already packed and cramped Artist Alley. I tired to get a couple artists I talked to earlier to join in, they really wanted to but they could not leave their booth. Back outside we went towards the tent, then circled around for another jaunt through the parking lot when a man dressed up as a purple octopus (what game/anime is it from?) stood in front of the line and tried to break us up by pushing tackling people. Me and another guy held him off so everybody else could go around. But nobody came back into the line after that. I guess they were pretty tired of it by then anyway. Later on, Shelby, Amber Taryn, John, Spencer, Katie and a couple other people sat on the floor next to a glass wall hung out and talked, ate, and played the ten fingers game. I suck at that game. Simone and one of her friends were there playing too. It was during this time that I learned a lot about all these new people. Shelby turned out to be 15 witch surprised the fuck out of me since I though she looked to be my age. She though I was 16. Fuck I hate looking young. Amber is actually married. I heard her mention it earlier but I thought she was joking, but she really is married. I though that was really cool and impressive considering that she was as young as I am. Shelby gave me a slice of pizza. When we were playing the purple octopus guy walked by and I said “Hey you!” He began walking towards us. I kept saying “Hey you! Hey you! Hey you! Hey you! Hey you! Hey you! Hey you!” and when he came close enough I said “Fuck you! You ruined the waddle line.” He reached one hand out of his bulbous purple octopus head and started pushing down on mine. I wriggled out of it and fell backward underneath of him. Purple fabric tentacles were dangling around me. He kept trying to grap at me. “I will RIP OFF your TENTACLES.” I said. Then I noticed his boxers were hanging out from the legs of his shorts. I stopped struggling for a moment and said “You know, you're wearing the same boxers as me. My newfound friends laughed. He silently took his brawny arm back into his costume and walked off. I hope I remember that for a long time, it was funny.
I don't remember when exactly but Me, Amber, Taryn, John and Spencer were outside the hotel when a girl with red-ish glasses, gray painted skin horns that looked like Candy Corn gave Spencer a “Make over” by drawing a giant frown, a heart, and other scribbles all over his face with black lipstick. A tiny bit before or after that (can't remember. I hate that.) Spencer had on a mask of a very frightened house head. He had an extra witch he gave to Taryn, who clipped the bright powder blue wig she was wearing on the frightened horse head. It was both ridiculous and very funny. As we were standing there laughing at ourselves a truck drove by, leaving the hotel. Inside the truck a man was recording video of us on his iPhone when he was driving. We all laughed, waved, and I said “Hi Internet!” I really wish I could have a copy of that video. Both because of the memory stored within it and also because I just really want to see what we looked like.
The whole Ten Fingers game next to the glass wall with everybody was happening during the end of the day. We were basically killing time while we waited for the rave to start. Right as it started up I decided I wanted glowsticks this year because I never had them in years past. I also did not want to buy them from Portcon staff for a ridiculous price. So Shelby and I went off to find a local dollar store when I could get a bunch of them for cheap. We did not really know where we were going so I asked for directions from a couple women. I did so in a slight European accent because people in Portland are always more helpful than usual when they are being asked something by someone who (they believe to be) is a foreigner, for whatever reason. The people sent us in the right direction but we still could not find it so we double back, had a hell of a time crossing the road, and went to a party store where I bought us each some glowsticks. We got back to the tent, unwrapped the glowsticks, I helped her put some on her wrists, and I went in. I IMMEDIATELY lost Shelby in the tent. But I found Amber, Simone and everybody else and danced with them for a really long time. When Taryn would not dance with John, (as a joke, she was not really mad at him or something) John decided to grind with me to spite Taryn. I thought it was funny and kept going with it until even John got uncomfortable with it. I teased Taryn with “I think I look better behind your boyfriend than your boyfriend looks behind you.” I think I'm getting better at dancing like this. When we all got tired we went outside and I let Katie barrow a dollar so she could buy water. She said she would go to her car to pay me back, so I told Simone I'd be right back and we all went to her car way out in the darkest furthest away part of the parking lot so she could pay me back. The some Portcon security guy came up to us out of nowhere just to make sure Katie was not selling us drugs. He was cool. He shined a light in my eyes and told me that because my pupils did not dilate that means I was not high. (Woo!) She shined the light on his own face and mimed the look of a person whose head was trying to wiggle itself off the rest of it's body in order to get away from the light. He said thats what a person who is high looks like when you shine a light in his face. He had a shaved head, no shirt, and a black military vest with all kinds of pockets. He was cool. Katie drove us all back to the entrance and then drove herself home. We dove back into the tent again to keep on dancing. I was sad that I would not be able to find Simone again for the rest of the night because this was the first time I had gotten to see her since she broke up with me.
The rest of the rave was really cool. Amber said I should try waltzing right there in the middle of the rave. I did just that, but with her as my partner. Or at least I tried. She had a hard time following my direction. But in her defense, I'm rusty, and you could barely hear anything over the music.
You know the things at dances where a bunch of people get in a circle and people take turns showing off their dance moves in the middle of the circle, one or two people at a time? Well that happened and John went in twice. He is apparently talented at many things. After his first time going in, he came out holding his hands outward and saying something like “Ohh! Gross! It's so gross! Ohh!” He kept looking for something to wipe his hands off on and eventually found one of the fiber straps that holds the tent in place. When I first came upon the circle a guy and a girl had glowsticks on their hands and feet and were having a mock fight in tune with the music. And when I heard the theme song from the game Mortal Combat come on, I took a bit to gather up my courage and did the same thing with another guy already dancing in the circle about halfway though the song. I've never been in any kind of performance that was viewed by other people, and I've certainly never danced in front of other people before. I think this is a good step forward for me. I'm no hermit, but I'm not the most social person in the world either. After we danced for a long long time, I was beat, and Amber and I went out for a break. I asked some Portcon staff what time it was and the told it was around 10:20 or something. I was supposed to meet Corey for my ride back at 10! Amber and I hugged, said goodbye, and I went back inside to get my big wooden box with all my stuff in it. Some bitch of an older woman had move it into the lost and found saying the Portcon staff I left it with were not supposed to take it in the first place. My cell had a bunch of missed calls on it. My cell is out of minutes so I borrowed a cell from some guy, right as I placed the call his cell died. I borrowed a cell from one of his friends and called Corey. He said to meet him in a line of cars outside, or at least that's what I thought. I went and found Shelby in the video game room talking and having a drink with some other people. I returned the camera I was holding for her in the box, wrote on her prop shield the URL to my Facebook account, thanked for the fun I had and walked out to find Corey. Outside I asked one girl on a bench (that I talked to a little earlier in the day) if she had fun. She said she had a lot of fun and that this was her first Portcon. I told her it was my fourth and the best one yet. I kept walking and told her to have to good night. Ultimately I had to borrow one more persons cell phone to find Corey. It said the person's name on the home screen on the phone. When I gave it back to him I said thank you and “also, you have a badass name.” He smiled, looked surprised and said thank. His name was very badass, I'd like to tell you but I do not have his permission to say his name on this public site, so I won't. I put my stuff in Coreys car and waited as he added more oil to the engine. By that time the rave had ended and everybody was filing out to their cars or back into the hotel. I called out Simone's name a few time to see if I could get a chance to say goodbye. But I did not. I recognized a guy who walked by as someone I saw dancing in the circle and said to him “Oh hey. You're a good dancer” He came up to me, shook my hand and said “Thanks. You're a pretty good dancer your self.” This caught me off guard. “I am? Thanks, I don't really know what I was doing. “ He went on to tell me about how he looked up videos to learn about dancing but it's more about having fun and dancing to how you feel. Corey got his car working again a bit after that.
On the way back I apologized a lot for being late a making Corey wait. He said it was okay. We listened to a band he called Modest Mouse. They sort of sound like a low-key Red Hot Chili Peppers to me. At the Barnes and Nobel book store where I was supposed to meet my mom, she was not there yet so I called her from Corey's cell a couple times before she woke up. She fell back asleep on me. It's a scary thought when such a thing happening could mean I get stuck in a far away town. Corey was just taking me as far as that book store and no further. He left and I waited. It was colder out now so I changed out of the t-shirt I wore for the rave and back into the long sleeve shirt and trenchcoat used for my Ginko cosplay. I read news on my cell until I ran out of interesting articles. I walked aimlessly around the parking lot. Waiting. For almost a hour. Eventually I started walking down to road towards some lights that may have been a convenience store when I might use a phone. I though maybe Mom had fallen back asleep. Just as I got going down the hill her car came up the hill. I got in. She drove me home, not talking much. I was so tired. When I finally did get home, I feel asleep almost instantly. This was probably the best Portcon so far.

And now, I can barely keep my eyes open right now. I'll type more later. Goodnight, from 2011.
[END WRITING AT Tue 12 Jul 2011 12:51:56 AM EDT ]

[RESUME WRITING AT Fri 15 Jul 2011 01:57:26 AM EDT ]
A little while after Portcon, a some day last week, I was out running and at the turn-around point of my run I stole some wifi with my PSP like I sometimes do in order to check messages and such. (This time it was Jim's wifi.) On Facebook one of the people I met from Portcon, Amber, posted a question asking who wanted to come to the beach with her tomorrow. I commented back saying that I have been dying to and would it be possible for her to pick me up. Because I had no idea where she lived, and I know Mom would not bring me, I thought I was joking when I said that, and did not think anything would come of it. But of course no one can tell someones voice inflexion through text, so she took it seriously and her sending me a text message woke me up early the next morning asking me if were going to do this or not. I gave her my address and we made arrangements for her to come get me. Later in the day. When Mom got back from running errands in the morning, I told her about it and she was a little surprised. She asked if it was someone from work, I told her it was someone from Portcon and she said “Well, cool!”
Amber came in a little silver car with her husband, Evan, and their friend Josh (Who Amber called “Cooms”). Amber did not really know of and beaches to go to, so Mom and I suggested Sandy Point Beach, a secluded beach in a tourist town that the tourists are conveniently never told about. A hour or so later we got there at what looked like high tide. We set all our stuff down and began to talk about video games, anime, manga, and about how much this years E3 event sucked. I tried to teach Amber how to skip rocks but she does not appear to have much physical coordination. The wind did not help her either, but she managed to skip a few. Josh and Evan did not talk to me much, Amber and I mostly talked to each other. I talked with them a bit when E3 came up, but not much more. I really hope I did not do anything wrong. I want them to like me. I tried to get the two into Amber and I's conversation, but they mostly just acknowledged what I said and went on with their own subjects. When we sat down to eat, I pulled a towel to sit on out of my bag. It actually turned out to be a hand towel that was not much bigger than my ass. Amber and I laughed at this. I greedily ate a PP&J sandwich Amber had made me plus most of their chips. I had not eaten anything since two days beforehand in an attempt to loose weight. It's working a little.
Time passed and the tide cam came in. I thought it was high tide when we got there, but the tide came as close as about fifteen feet from the grass. Amber, Evan and Josh were looking like they were getting ready to leave. I know I'm the kind of guy that would like to spend the entire day at the beach, and I know it would be rude to ask them to stay for an extended period of time, but I wanted to stay just a few minutes longer. I asked them to come up the beach with me. They did. We walked up the beach until we came to the beach's tide pool, where they only dry way of crossing it was walking across a fallen tree that someone had cut down and laid across it. I walked over it as normally as I would walk across flat, solid, ground. Amber held out her arms for balance to cross it. Josh and Even said and did nothing. Amber walked back and forth across it a couple times in front of them. I tried to convince them to cross it, but when ever I said something they just looked at me, and looked away again, saying nothing. Amber said that Josh had his iPod in his pocket, meaning he did not want to risk falling and getting it wet. Amber stayed with them and I walked up the beach just a little more, and then around the bend in the beach, revealing a completely shaded in coast line, and more beach houses in the distance. The shade kept the sand cool on that side but that shady part of the beach was apparently used by seagulls for dropping and breaking clam shells from high above. The broken clam shells everywhere hurt a lot to walk on and made me wish I had my sandals. One this part on the beach the sand did not end with a grassy plain, no, here where the sand ended a extremely steep hill began. I climbed up it. The grass here was different. It was not like the thick, stiff, reedy plant life you normally find around beaches but in it's place was normal, short, soft grass that you find in peoples lawns. The top of the hill was un-naturally flat, and there were the flattened ruins of a small house. Very old. It looked like it was built from scratch and possibly had a dirt floor. It was made from brick, mortar, and wood that looked like it was cut more by hand than machine. I wondered what kind of person made a house like this, if they were still alive, and who owned the land now? Possibly his or hers descendants? Just how old was this place? This is was exciting. This was a little bit of an adventure. I wished the others would have come. Though, I'm the only person I've met who would have found this interesting. I looked over the bay and took of my shirt, it was getting hot now. I yelled out for the others to come, but I already knew it would not be possible for them to hear me. I climbed back down to the beach, and walked to its end, this time with a walking stick so I would not have to all of my weight pushing the bottoms of my feet into broken clam shells.
Walking back around the bend I saw Amber walking towards me. I wrapped my white shirt on the end of the stick and twice waved it above my head like a flag of surrender as I walked toward her. We met at the tide pool and I walked across the tree-bridge to her end. I complained that Josh and Evan should have come. She said Josh was really more of the “stay inside all day instead of outside adventures type.” And Evan stayed with him so he would not be alone. And I understood that I was natural for Amber to stay with the people she actually knew (plus she was married to one of them) and so I did not question it. When we reached Josh and Evan they had already brought their stuff to the car and only my bag of crap was left. When we got there I had carried everybody's stuff to the sea side to be nice, I hopped I would get to do it again, but no. While picking up my stuff I noticed and shiny piece of plastic that formed the words “Just Married.” Evan and Josh explained that people had showered the car with the things at Amber and Evans and, despite Evans cleaning, every once and a while you would hear them rattling around in the AC system and one would get spit out ever so ofter. I wanted to super glue it to a piece of beach glass I found. I placed it in the middle of the beach glass and though it actually looked really pretty like that. Unfortunately I lost both the beach glass and the bit of confetti on the way home. Somehow.
Driving back we drove past a very old car called a DeLorean. A car that was famously used in the “Back to the Future” movie trilogy. In the movie the car was able to travel back in time once it reached 88 miles per hour. Josh jokingly suggested we pull a U-turn and follow behind it until we reach 88MPH, and then take a photo of the speedometer with the DeLorean visible over the dashboard. I kind of wished they were serious about it. If I were driving, I would have done it. Really. I would. We also almost hit a dog. Amber stopped to avoid this hitting the dog only to have it come over to her door wanting to play. She walked it back to the house we thought the dog came from and Evan drove the car into the driveway. The house was dead quiet and empty and we found a the line the dog had been hooked to next to the door step. It was attached to a metal stake that was supposed to be stuck in the ground but had been pulled out. I don't see how something like that was supposed to hold a dog of any size in place. Almost anything could pull that out of the ground. Especially this large Golden Retriever dog. Not that it mattered, the hook that should connect to the dogs collar was broken anyway. Amber tied the line to the dogs collar and she and I wrapped the other end of the line many times around a water spigot in the front yard. I took a notebook and pen out of my bag and Amber wrote a note to leave on the door of the house. “And to think, I was telling myself this morning there's no reason the bring a not book to the beach-I won't need it!” I said. I went to pick up a tennis ball to give to the dog and I laughed out loud when I saw the back side of the house. There were two foam Archery targets in the back yard. One was in the form of a deer, the other was in the form of a baby black bear. Witch for the smallest second, I thought was real and crapping in the back yard of that house.

We got back to the secret beach and back to my house without any (further) incident thanks to Amber's GPS. Amber later posted two pictures she took of me at the beach on Facebook. Other than that I have not heard from he since.

Work is going fine. They only have us working one day a week. I work again next Monday and I'm going to talk to my boss to see if there is any other work to be done on the campus. I need more money if I'm going to travel the way I want.

[END WRITING AT Fri 15 Jul 2011 03:42:21 AM EDT ]

Busy for once

2011-06-15T17:29:00.004-04:00

This was all written last week, I just forgot to post it until now.

[WRITTEN AT Sat 11 Jun 2011 11:47:26 PM EDT ]

Monday, my first day of work. Finally after months and months of nothing a job opened up. I saw an ad on Craigslist for it. A temporary, very-part-time job cleaning up residence halls at Thomas college. Mom and Spencer dropped me off two hours early. I waited at the residence hall I was told we were supposed to meet at but then the boss, a guy named Mike, walked in with the other people who were doing the same job as me and said I had to go to the main office to fill out some paperwork and make a time card. Apparently All the other workers were told to meet at main office and I didn't get the memo. After doing the paper work I went back to the building but had to go searching around for them since Mike did not tell me where they were going to go. I found them in a lounge on the second floor and as I walked in Mike stuck me with the bathroom work. "If you don't volentire for volenTOLD." he said. Instead of being early and looking like a good worker I looked like a stupid teenager. I did the work happily though. I'm glad I'm being paid. The other people I was working with was two younger girls, a older woman, and a younger guy, maybe younger than me, whose race I could not determine. Maybe Latino or African. The older woman talked to Mike much more than she did any work. One of the girls actually went to college but other than this temp job she has with me, she too is out of work, just like all the people who didn't go to college. The older woman crapped herself in the elevator going from one floor to another. The other three were constantly complaining about the work. I said they shouldn't complain because they are being paid. They didn't stop. When we were almost done cleaning up once residence hall Mike left to go do something and the two girls and the one guy just stopped working and talked at one end of the hall by the door. I took part in their conversation but that was while I was cleaning up the floor, sweeping, and going up and down the hall to the janitors closet to put away tools. They were just talking. When the conversation came to transportation I said all I wanted was a vespa. The guy said "Aw! Kunckles!" and jumped from where he was over to me and held out his fists to me. I was kneeling on the floor. I looked at his fists in front of my face. "Uhh..." I said. "Just bump one, I don't care witch one." I bumped one of his fists with mine. Apparently he wanted a vespa too. I cleaned a lot of bathrooms that day. It left me wondering, do all college students go through some ritual when they chop off all their pubic hair upon entering college or something? Because their were pubes everywhere. The owners of the hair made no attempt to clean them up. The workdays are really far apart. My next dat of work is next Monday.

Tuesday. What the hell did I do Tuesday? Oh right. I went and bought pants for my cosplay for Portcon. I'm going to cosplay as Ginko from the manga Mushishi. It's a really spiritual manga about creatures called mushi that exist between the plains of life and death and Ginko travels the land on foot helping people with problems caused by mushi. I got a the pair of tan pants I needed for it. Now all I need is a pocket less, white, button up shirt and a large wooden box I can carry on my back. Afterwards I was standing on part of an old bridge by the river that separates Winslow and Waterville. I was on the Waterville side. I saw a blimp low in the sky way up river. It was flying diagonally across the river from the Winslow side. The front half of it was blue, the back half of it was white and its rudders were red. It kept going down and up and down again. I kept watching it, wishing I had a camera. While it looked like it was struggling to keep its altitude, it kept getting lower and lower and eventually disappeared behind the thing but tall line of trees that ran along this side of the river. I climbed down from the old structure I was on and bolted to the other side of that line of trees as fast as I could. I came out on top of a hill where train tracks were. The blimp was no where to be seen. Even if it was possible for it to fly over the line of trees and into the town, there were no buildings there tall enough to hide it. If it were over the town I should be able to see it. I concluded it must have went down, landed or crashed, somewhere up the line. I jogged up the train tracks until I got to the Waterville train yard. Nothing. Where where was it? It it had landed somewhere in the train yard then it would have been towering over everything in the area. I wanted to go and look around the train yard, but there were yard workers walking around the train yard getting a passenger train ready to go. What was a passenger train doing here in a freight train yard? There were never passenger trains here. I gave up and went to look at the river by the train yard. There was a drain pipe that spewed foul spelling water into the river. They water fell a long ways to the bottom of the pipe, it looked like a small tropical waterfall from the bottom. I climbed down to the rocks around the bottom of the falls. I also walked under the pipe itself so it was like I was behind the waterfall. That was the day when I first saw a blimp.

Wednesday was Winslow High Schools Graduation. Witch meant my friends Turk, KJ, and Hannah were all graduating. When I got there I saw Boonie and went to sit with him. I was glad there was someone there I knew. I kifed an unused cell phone of Maisie's and used the camera on it to record video of KJ and Hannah graduating. I accidentally missed Turk though. Darn. Afterwards I also got their reactions on video. I asked them how they felt now that they had graduated. Hannah said it felt really good. KJ said he needed to pee. Turk said he was going to Disneyland and getting his head shaved. I followed KJ to his car and mimicked his mom, taking too many pictures of KJ all in various poses and with various. I too pictures with my cell phone while KJs mom tooks photos with her real camera. She even wanted to get photos on KJ and his girlfriend, and even me. She then posted two photos of me and KJ to Facebook but I could only find one. My hair was huge and crazy. After KJ left I went to go find Hannah again but her mom had left with her already. There was still a large amount of people outside the building that the event took place. (the Colby College gym) But no one I knew, except Donald. I seen him earlier taking pictures of his friends as they graduated. He called out to me. I waved, but I did not want to. Boonie, his Friend Seth, Seth's girlfriend, and I got in Boonies car and drove out of the lot. On the way out I saw Donald walking in the lot again and Seth said "Whose that...redhead in the purple shirt?" I said "Donald Cyr." Seth said "He was like, running around and hyper-ventilating and crying a lot." I said "Yeah, he's like that, he gets excited a lot, I knew him when I was little." Seth just said "Oh." We stopped for smoothies on the way to Boonies house at a store across from the Waterville train yard. I told them about the strange blimp I saw the day before. They said they saw it too and that when they saw it they thought it looked like it was going to crash. Boonie was giving me a ride because told him how my mom told me that I had to walk home from Colby College. He thought that was stupid and wanted me to crash at his house in Winslow for the night. There was crazy weather that night. When I was alone in Boonies room, Seth came to the door and said "Mere" (a shortening of the phrase "Come here") I followed him outside to the back porch to where Boonie was where there was crazy winds and heat lighting going on. I tried to take videos of it but the shitty camera on Maisie's phone could pick up very little of the effects of the lightning on the sky, even though the lighting would light up the whole night sky. I even went across the street and climbed up on the roof of an unattended garage and took video. But I got scared off when I saw a particularly big bolt of lightning flare up the overcast sky. We ended up spending the rest of the night dicking around on the Internet, looking at videos and news from this years E3 event, and talking about women. Boonie also talked to me about a very comprehensive board game called Dungeons and Dragons that he plays with Seth and his twin brother Dylan. I've heard about it before and I've never really cared about it but Boonie seems to really want me to play so maybe I will give it a try. We went to sleep around 4AM and I woke up around noon the next day. We played video games from a while and we went down to his basement and he played some stuff on guitar and drums and he even let me play with his guitar some. Boonie is a master musician and is in two bands. I don't know if I've mentioned that before. He is crazy good on guitar. A master. I can only hope that I can be as skilled as he is some day. He took me home around 6PM. Boonie always insists on giving me a ride even when I actually want to walk. He's probably the kindest person I know. That was Thursday.
[END WRITING AT Sun 12 Jun 2011 01:54:25 AM EDT -TOO DAMN SLEEPY]

[WRITTEN AT Sun 12 Jun 2011 07:30:21 PM EDT ]
On Friday when I went for a walk there were three kids on my road. I knew what kids lived in town and these were not any of them. Two girls and one guy. All dressed in typical rap idol fashion. The two girls were wearing denim shorts smaller than a pair of panties. The guy wore a yellow shirt two sizes too big, baggy jeans belted under his ass and a white cap with an extra large flat visor with the sticker still on that was tilted sideways. They were around the first culvert you drive over going in the road. The skinnier girl and the guy looked like they were arguing about something, they were keeping their voices down and speaking really close to each others faces. They were around 12 feet away from the culvert. I dragged my feet on the dirt as I came close to surprise them. And they were very surprised to see anybody around at all. I passed them saying nothing. The other, more plump, girl was standing on top of the culvert itself, playing with her hair pretending not to hear whatever the other two were talking about. As I passed the said to me with too much glee: "HI!" I took out one of my earbuds. "Hello." With the same amount of glee: "What's your name?" I did not stop. "Drew." She said something I did not quite hear. I continued walking while attempting to put my earbud back in, but she called after me: "What's your last name?" I called back with: "Smith." and said nothing more. I don't feel like having 13 year olds looking for me on Facebook. Who were these kids and what were they doing on my road? It's not like there are any stores down here nor anyone other kids they may visit. On my walk I relayed a message to Jim from my mom about gas for the lawn mower she borrowed. He was kinda rude and did not say goodbye to me. After that I went through a empty field and found 4 Painted Turtles. They were all moving towards the road and I did not want them to get run over so picked them up and cairied them a small distance in the direction of the river. One kept trying to walk around me and towards the road. A tractor trailer truck came over the hill. The turtle stopped trying to scramble around my feet and raised its head like a periscope to look at the tuck. The tuck changed gears a it came down the hill releaseing a long, low, and very loud rumble. The turtle pissed itself. "Yeah I'd be scared too." I said. The turtle let me carry it in the direction of the river without fuss.
On my way back home I noticed something in the water flowing out of the same culvert those kids were at. In the shallow water sitting upside down on a rock was the boys white gangster cap. Apparently whatever argument him and his ho were having did not end so well. I paused my music and stood on the culvert. I pointed at the hat and said aloud: "Now that's funny." And it was.

On Saturday on my way back home from the library black, very beat up, SUV stopped braked hard to stop, back up, and turn onto the road that I was walking on. I looked away from it and kept walking. After a few minutes I realized the SUV had not passed me. I turned and looked back. It was a about 15 yards behind me fully stopped. Maybe they were lost and looking at a map? I kept walking. More time passed and the SUV had not passed me. I turned to look again at it. The SUV suddenly lurched to a stop behind me. The beat up SUV was following me and each time I stopped to look at it the driver hit the breaks. I took my knife out its holster on my bag. There was deep marshy wetland on either side of me. If I was going to run it could only be forward or backward-unless I could swim faster than I could run. At least it they decided to confront me I could stab them in the face. I turned again and suddenly the SUV pulled up next to me. I gripped my knife tighter. In the passenger seat girl in and purple hoodie staring lazily at me. The driver was a very stereotypical redneck. He had a dirty gray t-shirt and and a black baseball cap. His two front teeth were fused into a single lopsided one. He was unshaven and bobbing his head up and down as he talked, loudly. "HEY MAN AH THOUGHT YOU WAS SOMEONE I KNEW." I simply replied with "Uh" and got ready to run if I needed to. "OK THEN HAVE A GOOD ONE." He drove up the road a while then turned onto my dirt road and sped up, flinging rocks and dirt behind him. I didn't know who he is visiting on my road but I hoped he'd stay a long time so I would have to get home before he could pass me again. And he didn't.

It's late. I just watched my mom say "I don't have issues." over the phone to someone just as she took a big hit from a double sized can of booze. I hope her drinking does not cause me to be late for work tomorrow. It's only my second day.
[END WRITING AT Sun 12 Jun 2011 08:23:02 PM EDT ]

Longest post ever. (I'm sorry)

2011-06-05T19:23:00.005-04:00

Okay, this is my longest post ever. I had a lot of stuff happen that was worthy of recording, then there was a lot of procrastination. And Mom kept making me go out and "help" Spencer with stuff every single time I sat down for one second to do anything, including write this. What should have been 15 separate entires is now one. Lots of bad stuff happened, and some good stuff happened. Hopefully I will be able to do better in the future.

[WRITTEN AT Sat 14 May 2011 11:01:31 PM EDT ]
The day before Samoset animals were going nuts. Big (one of our dogs) was barking at something off in the woods across the road. Then came back whining like he was hurt. As I was going for a walk later on I met the guy who lives behind us in his red truck driving up the road. He told me that there had been a few confirmed cases of rabies in dogs on the outskirts of town. I thanked him, he continued driving up the road, I kept walking a bit, remembered what happened with Big earlier, about faced, and rand back home. I got there and told Mom about it. She said there was very little chance Big had rabies because he had his rabies shot. I walked down the road again for my walk.
On the way back home I heard a din of chattering over the music I was playing in my ears. I looked up to see a freakishly large flock of bids in a tree around 20 yards up the street from me. I turned off my music to listen. They were so many, so loud. Each one having something to say. I slowly walked forward, just a few steps. Without waring the din torn away from the world as though Earth itself just vented all its atmosphere. The flock moved, as one enormous being, over me, over the street, and into a new tree behind a house.
[END WRITING AT Sat 14 May 2011 11:56:37 PM EDT ]

[WRITTEN AT Mon 16 May 2011 11:56:24 PM EDT ]
I watched them for a moment, standing there near the north end of Cemetery street. They were barely whispering now, compared to the sound they were making now. The sun was setting. The clouds behind their new tree were orange, blue, and gray. I stood there for a moment, smiled, put my earbuds back in, and continued walking home.

The next day Jim's son, Ernest (also a former friend) drove me to the nearby Fieldstone gas station where I waited for Simone and her mom (Deb) to pick me up and bring me to Samoset, a resort where Deb and he husband (Ed) own something called a "timeshare" where they get a room and get to use the resort for a week, once a year, or something like that. It took I guess two hours to get there. I did not realize just how ritzy the place was until I got there.
[END WRITING Tue 17 May 2011 12:32:18 AM EDT ]

[WRITTEN AT Fri 20 May 2011 12:27:13 AM EDT ]
Our room was on the bottom floor. It had a kitchen and living area, a bathroom and one bedroom, and a small outside deck overlooking the golf course, and the ocean. On the first day Simone took me on a tour of the place. We hung out out in a tiny arcade. She played a snowmobile game, a played a claw-arm game and won a small candy called a "tootsie roll." A favorite candy of mine since I was little. I gave it to Simone when she won her game. We went back to the room, her mom ordered pizza. Simone and I watched movies and kissed in the bedroom until her mom got tired of watching tv in the living room. Her mom came in, I slept on the couch.
The next day Simone and I went swimming in the resorts pool. It was really nice. I remember there were these underwater lights in the pool that slowly changed color. More people came in as time passed. Simone's mom came in at the moment Simone and I parted from a kiss. She was wearing red and black heavy clothing and carrying her camera. She called us over to the edge of the pool and asked if we were going to stay longer. We said yes. She said something else. The noise of other people in the pool was too loud. Simone and I looked at each other and asked each other if the other had heard what she said. Neither did. Deb repeated herself a couple times but then gave up and left. We swam for a while longer. Took showers in these really luxurious changing rooms. There were even steam rooms inside there. Afterwards we went to this upstairs corridor area that had a ping pong table at one end. We sat down, kissed, and cuddled for a while. Then badly played ping pong. It was mostly me who was bad at it, I'm clumsy as fuck.
After that we went back to our room. Sat on the bed of the bedroom and watched tv. Deb was watching TV in the living room. Close to nightfall we went outside so I could look around and see coast. Simone was taking photos the whole time. Photos of the building and the trees. We made our way down to this small beach on the inside of this great stone breakwater that lead out to a lighthouse. I had he take some photos of the harbor lights. I remember there were three fishing boats anchored in the harbor, close by. One of them had a light on it that illuminated the all the ropes and rigging on the ship. I thought it was beautiful. I tried to take photos of it but the zoom on Simone's camera was not good enough for it. I took a photo of Simone keeling down on the breakwater, but in the opposite direction. (looking over the coast - not the harbor) Back at our room we kissed and cuddled on the bed until Deb wanted to go to sleep, left the bedroom and slept on the couch.
On the last day Simone, Deb and I went for our big walk to the break water. Deb wanted to go the long way around by leaving the resort, going on the street, then taking a small trail that skirts around the resort. But when we got to the edge of the resort property there was a fence, and the gate was locked. So we just followed the fence across wide lawns. The was a lone, fallen tree out side this smalled tree'ed area, I climbed on top of it just because I love to climb things. Though Simone and Deb took no notice of my antics. I jumped down and followed them through this small area of trees. On the other side the lawn was soaked and mushy. Water left over from recent rainfall. I tried to jump across some deeper water at one point to the grass itself slid under my left foot as it hit the ground. I fell in the water soaking my whole left side up to my hip. Simone and Deb said nothing, they must think me immature. Simone jumped over the same puddle and landed with her left foot in the hole left over from my left foot, but she did not slip. The break water itself was like an immense stone bridge the lead to a lighthouse on the other side. The breakwater was made of many many large squarish stones, with large misshaped stones piled on one side, all the protect the harbor from large waves. The was only one stone on the breakwater that was wide enough to reach horizontally across the whole thing, Simone challenged me to find this stone. I sort of did. I noticed it was we were walking but only because I noticed that Simone because Simone looked down at it as we passed over it. She took a picture of me standing on it while point down on it with one hand, doing a thumbs-up with the other hand, and wearing a ridiculously happy look on my face.
The lighthouse at the end of the breakwater was cool. I noticed that it was powered by a combination of solar panels and what looked a huge power cable going down into the water. It also had a fog horn going. I was able to see another, bigger light house on the other side of the harbor. I could see at the tip of the other shore, rising out from behind trees. Bed told me it was the Owls Head light house. I was amazed. Owls Head light house was a place that my father would bring me as a child when I used to visit him on the weekends. There was a rock beach there, with large boulders that I would climb all over. I remember that it was a long walk up a dirt road up to the light house. And even then you would have to walk up a long suspended wooden walkway to get to the light house. I visited the place as a child only one other time other than the visits with my father. Preschool took my class there once. I don't remember any of the other students that I went there with. I don't have any memories of seeing them there. I just have memories of walking with them, I never *see* them in my memories, the memories are just me *knowing* that they are there. I got to the top of the lighthouse first, I think. I remember that there is a student next to me, on my right. He and I are looking out over the coast. There is a fog a ways off, we cannot see all the way to the horizon. The boy next to me tells me that the island we see is Africa. I say "No its not." He told me again that it was. I thought about it. I remember seeing Africa on maps in school. I knew where Maine was, and Africa was generally in a southwest-ish direction of Maine, and we were on the coast. I deduced that he was right: I believed him.
(Back in todays time now, not my childhood.) On the way back to land from the break water there were even more people than there were going in. On the way in I pretty much just saw one person: a Asian girl in running clothes, breathing heavy. I smiled and nodded to her in greeting. She looked away from me and continued on her jog. Other than that there was only a group of friends my age walking out when we were going in. Now there were tons of people going into the breakwater while we were going out.
By the time we got back to the room it was time to pack up and go home. On the drive back we stopped at McDonalds. Simone let me have some of her strawberry milkshake. It was delicious.
They dropped me off at the Barnes & Nobel bookstore in Augusta. They waited a while for my mom but left when she did not turn up for a while. I did not mind. I love Barnes & Nobel. As usual I saw all kinds books, manga, and even a couple magazines that I wanted to buy, but did not have the money for. Mom turned up after a small while. She was practically in tears. Her car had broken down just outside the
plaza. She has such a stressful time driving outside her normal circles. Then her car crapped itself making her late to pick up her son. I hugged her. I'm glad a guy came by to help her revive the car. On the way out I saw a very comprehensive visual guide to guitar, for only 8 dollars. I wanted it. I know it would help me learn sooo much. Mom subtly urged me to get it, but I didn't I was trying to save all the money I could, not that I even know what I'm saving for anymore.
We drove all the way home without further incident.
[END WRITING AT Fri 20 May 2011 02:42:07 AM EDT ]

[WRITTEN AT Sun 22 May 2011 04:09:13 PM EDT ]
There was a local talent show at this place in town called a "grange." The audience was all people old enough to be youthenized. Mom said there used to a "fresher crowd" there." I'm fairly sure that fresher crowd is still there, just no longer as fresh. I couple people played guitar. There was one juggler. One woman played electric chello, witch was pretty cool. A gril played violin while her mother played piano. A kid with a long pony tail wearing a fedora sang and played a Death Cab for Cutie song on a Ukalalie. There was one person I knew there. I first met him at another talent show at Mesalonskie High School. I mostly knew him by the nickname of "Toast" but his real name is Erick Anderson. He sand two songs while playing piano. At an intermission he came and talked to me. Apparently he is a part of some organization called American Youth. You pay tuition like you would if you went to college, then they ship you out to some place in California where you are put into rigorous 16 hour a day dancing and singing training. Then they send to either shows for audiences in other countries (or Broadway), or they have you put on shows for less fortunate kids in America. And once you're a part of the group you're in it for life. Erick said you could be 40 years old and you could call them up and say "Hey, I wanna do a show. When is the next opening?" I talked with him about it for while. I could see Doug, Maisie's father, over Erick's shoulder glaring at Erick. I do not know if I have mentioned this before but Doug is racist, and a homophobe. And Erick is black, and gay. Doug just kept glaring at Erick with hatred. Obviously Doug knew that Erick was black but I wonder what Doug would have done if he knew that Erick was also gay? Doug once proudly proclaimed to Mom that he "pissed in some dumb Mexican's coffie." Maisie's bit in the talent show was her doing a hip-hop dance to some 90s boy band music. Doug literally RAN out of the building, seeing that his requirement to watch his daughters show was done, so he could go to his house and drink. Maisie had to chase him down so she could ask him if he liked her work. Mom sang Mercedes Benz by Janis Joplin. She even got the audience to sing along with her, including me. I recorded both Maisie and Mom on an old camera-cell phone. She video quality was shit but it's the only thing we have to record video. I helped Erick take sound equipment downstairs and out to his van. Then he gave me two phone numbers for the American Youth people. Would this be good for me? A livable alternative to the work-earn-consume-die system we have set up for ourselves? I thought about it a lot. I've never been good at anything athletic. I am clumsy as fuck. Both my regular voice and my singing voice sound like crap. I like to play guitar in my spare time, but I suck at it. And of course, as always, I have no money to pay for tuition. Erick said that no matter what your situation is they will help you to make it work, find a easy way for you to pay. But thats what every college or universities promotional website says too. I decided I would not be good for it but I'm keeping the numbers around for Maisie. She says all she wants to do is dance. And since she has will have boobs when she is older she will be able to get a job a lot easyer than me. So maybe when she graduates High School, if I remember, I can give her these numbers and she can do it.
[END WRITING AT Mon 23 May 2011 12:57:51 AM EDT ]

[WRITTEN AT Sat 04 Jun 2011 04:04:40 PM EDT ]
Spencer came back from Jail at some point after the talent show. I don't know that I like him any more. (Okay I had written a whole bunch about Spencer here but then I had a computer problem and lost all that I had just typed and I don't feel like writing it again so point is Spencer is an asshole, talks shit about me behind my back with my mom, orders me about like he's my new daddy or something and is engaging in sexual relations with my mom. There. I said it.)
Steve came over at some point after Spencer came back two for days in a row. On the first day I was partially at the library, and he met me there and wordlessly handed me a black and white electric guitar. He said on the phone the other day that he had bought himself an electric guitar and I had jokingly told him to go buy me one too. I said "I don't mean to burst your bubble but I think your guitar is missing a couple strings." And it was. Steve replied with "Correction: YOUR guitar is missing a couple strings." I didn't believe it. I was totally joking when I said for him to buy me one too. Holy crap. I had no idea what to say. He just bought me an electric guitar. Holy crap. He also handed me an umbrella so that the rain would not damage the guitar when I walked home. Although when I was almost home and it stopped raining and I closed the umbrella and tried to toss it to my other hand but I dropped it and the handle snapped off when it hit the pavement. I felt pretty pretty bad about that. I could basically explain the situation with this following statement: "Wow, gee, thanks for buying my a awesome freaking electric guitar. Here, let me break your umbrella for you." I'm still trying to find a way to fix it. Later on in the day we met at my place and I showed him a couple chords on his guitar. He also brought over a bunch of manga that he had bought for me to read. He usually does that after he's done reading them. It's a regular thing with us and I'm very thankful for it. On the second day we went for a run though the woods. He said to pick a direction and run in it, so we did. We found this big marsh-bog like thing. Almost all of the dirt you stepped on just sank into water. We crossed by jumping across rocks, fallen trees, and some stable dirt As we got closer to the other side I noticed a mailbox, then a expensive looking house. I pointed them out to Steve who did not notice. As we got closer we saw a road. Up the road there were more and more expensive houses. After a couple dogs were barking at us Steve leaned close to me and said in a low voice: "On three we run into the woods." I replied with "What?" I think he may have said "onetwothree" very fast before darting to the left into the woods. I chased after. We ran. We stopped. I found a blueish-greenish elephant doll in the leaves, I held it in front of my face and made it make elephant noises at Steve. He said "Andrew, that is creepyist thing I have ever seen in my whole life." I laughed and stuck it in a tree just above my forehead. We kept running. We came to a small, swampy, creek. Steve crossed it pretty easily. Steve is much taller than me. I got stuck in the middle of the creek on a tiny patch of dirt, hanging off a sapling that could barely support my weight. Steve grabbed my hand and helped me across. We ran up the huge, steep, hill on the other side in the direction of a road I knew was there, but at the top we could see that we would have to go through the yards of two houses I recognized in order to get to the road. We went down the crest of the hill and kept going. Eventually we ended up between two peoples yards, we went though as quietly as possible and Steve picked up a golf ball that belonged to one of the houses families. I stared to recognize where we are, and I took us in the direction of a small river that would take us back to my road, and it did. After walking back up the road to home, Steve and we took turns smacking that golf ball he found around the plain dirt area across the road with a bent golf club we have in our yard. I ended up hitting it farther than he could. While looking for the ball after he hit he found a couple arrows that I had lost a long time ago while playing with a Bow that Rob had given me. After the started a campfire for Mom to cook dinner and convinced Steve to go out to this show Of Boonies at a bar called Mainely Brews Tavern. Steve really did not want to go but I was sure he would have fun. After that we each ate a hamburger Mom had made and went to the show.
Mom dropped us off in a lot behind the bar and we went inside, Boonie and his Fathers band were already playing. The place was packed and Steve said he wanted to stab me. I could barely hear him, we typed words into our cell phones to talk to each other. He said he felt awkward. Later on he would tell me that hated being in places where there are tons of people because he one of them might stab him. This girl with her hair pulled back and in a pink shirt came up to me with a quizzical yet amused smirk on her face and said "Joel?" I smiled and shook my head, "Nope." She went on saying "Joel?" a couple more times and "Are you really not Joel?" I said "No I am really not Joel. I wish I was Joel. Joel sounds cool, I don't really like me name very much." At that moment Steve said something I could not hear and took off, leaving the bar. Leaving me to explain to this possibly stoned woman that, no, I really am not this person named Joel. I am Drew. "Cuz you really look just like this guy I know, the hair, the face, the everything. You look just like him." Eager to rid myself of this woman I explained "I get that a lot. I'm just one of those guys who looks like everybody. I was born with one of those generic, template, faces." Shut put one hand over her mouth to conceal a smile, and touched my shoulder with the other hand, "Oh wow this is really embarrassing, I'm so sorry." I looked at the band for a moment, looked back to where she was, she was gone. I did not see her again for the rest of the night. I listened to the music (mostly classic rock) for a while longer then went to go find Steve. I knew where he went. I walked to a nearby geek card game shop called Spellbound and found him at the desk watching these a guy and woman showing waaay too much cleavage playing a war like territory based board game. Steve said "How did you find me?" out of the corner of his mouth. There was a tournament going on at Spellbound that night and at one point the woman called out who would be battling who in the next round. After a while we went for a walk. We crossed the 2 cent bridge, got to the Winslow end, turned around and headed back into Waterville, went up to a Burger King and Steve got fries. On the way back Steve found playing cards Scattered around the streets. Boonies, dads, band was named Blackjack. Maybe the did some pre-show card tricks outside? We went back in and listed again. In between songs Boonie had one of his friends (and a band member) named Seth to invite us to have seats up front. Only I wanted to take up th offer though because Steve wanted keep his back to the brick wall. While I watched the band he played a Kingdom Hearts game on his DS. During a couple songs Boonies dad got off the stage, and was replaced by Seth. Seth, Boonie, and his brother Dylan all played together now as unit. They played a couple newer songs, one was Basketcase by Green Day, the other was a Red Hot Chili Pepers song I did not know of. The band took a break and we went outside. I congratulated all of them. All of them sounded so great. Really professional. I can only hope I can play guitar as well as Boonie does someday. Seth was really happy that people were singing along with them as they played the Red Hot Chili Pepers song just like when the real Red Hot Chili Pepers played a song. "It was so cool!" he said. Maybe someday I can learn to play bass like Dylan can too. We went back in. The band played until well after midnight. Steve looked pissed. I just sat there propping up his head with his fist. He even said he fell asleep at some point. After the last song I went up congratulated them again. I asked both Dylan and Boonie if they had anything to do with the cards Steve found in the street. Boonie said "Oh, sorry." and laughed. Dylan said "No but we do have business cards." And then he gave me one from his wallet. That was a lot of fun for me, but not for Steve. He really did not have a good time and I won't drag him to some event he does not want to go to ever again. On the way home we dropped him off at the corner and we walked the rest of the way to his moms house where he sometimes stays on his days off from work. I remember his unique way of waving. He would walking forward with his back to us, and still be waving goodbye to us over his shoulder. It was very dark then all except for one streetlamp directly over our car.

[END WRITING AT Sun 05 Jun 2011 06:08:19 PM EDT -The reason this timestamp is so long after the starting one is because I keep having computer problems yesterday that would make it loose everything I typed and it was really late and I was very tired so I just said fuck it, watched some anime and went to bed.]

[WRITTEN AT Mon 09 May 2011 01:59:39 AM EDT ]

Mothers Day

Sometime around 5 or 6AM Mom got up and started moving around. If she found me awake and reading the manga that Steve had left with me, she would would be mad, and she does not need that on Mother's day.
I awoke some time around noon to the sound of David outside, here for his weekly visit. Nobody knew I was awake so I made a the card for my Mom I should have made some time earlier in the week. After I went out and propped it up on th table. It haf a flower on the outside, a orange and red heart on the inside. I listed off some of her qualities and said that they were all she would ever need and that she lacked nothing. She liked it.
Mothers Day also means that we have to go visit Nana. Mom was going to go alone but Nana would be easier on Mom if I was around so I called Steve and told him not to come over until after 5:30. He said okay and Mom and I left. Spent about a hour at Nana's house. Mom tried to talk to Nana about a problem wit Doug's terrible treatment of Maisie, but Nana said "I don't want to hear about Maisie right now. Did you look at my daffodils!?"
I do not know if I have mentioned this before but Nana is evil, religious, and very much senile.

Right now my head hurts and I'm waay to tired to write the rest of the mothers day part of this post. Happy Mother's Day, from 2011.

[END WRITING AT Mon 09 May 2011 02:29:38 AM EDT ]

[RESUME WRITING AT Tue 10 May 2011 09:33:27 PM EDT ]

Later on Simone called. She started to say that she "felt like an asshole." I knew she was breaking up with me. She told me how she had cheated on me multiple times. "Pretty much every time there was a band practice." With two people. I should have been mad, I should have been furious, but I was not. I told her I understood why she wanted to break up and I acted as understanding as possible during the whole thing. I felt bored through the whole thing. Blank. Before the call I had felt good, at least normal. But now I just felt nothing. Very Blank. I talked back and fourth with her about it for around a hour. She said that she cheated because she was never able get the attention from me that she wanted from me. I lived too far away. There were long periods of time were we did not see each other. I missed her too.
She said it could all change once she got her license, she said that then she would come to see me whenever she could. Now that I think about it, I could end up getting my license before she does. Either way, she wanted to "take a break" for the moment but she still wanted to be "friends with benefits." I agreed. I reasoned that it was better than not having her at all.
At the end she was crying. I had my hand on my chest under my partially unbuttoned shirt. Plaid, light blue and white, short sleeves. Black jeans also unbuttoned. Lying in my bed. "I don't know when I would be able to call you back." She said. I said okay. She said I love you. I said I love her too. She said bye. I said bye. She hung up. The phone hung in my hand for a few moments. At some point I moved the phones ear piece to my lips. I heard the phone's connection click off and on once. Then again a minute or two later. Trying to re-establish the original connection. I could feel the speakers vibration against my lips. I held the phone out in front of me and looked at it. In time I heard ringing, twice. Three accending tones. Then, a woman's voice: "If you would like to make a call hang up and try again. If you need help, please hang up and dial your operator." I leaned over the side of my bed. I cradled the back into its base.
I went into the living room and turned on the TV. Out of the three local channels two were news, the other was a show called "Cheaters" were they get with a person who is being cheated on by his or her significant other, then stalk the cheating person with video cameras, record making out with someone else, then show it to the one being cheated on until he or she gets angry enough to go and beat up the cheater in a public space. After recording the fight they then add dramtic fight music and put it on TV for the masses to see.
Reality TV disgusts me.
I took a long shower. Went back out and watched the public channel. I saw the tail end of a documentary of the Japanese concentration camps in America and the beginning of a documentary about the death of a Japanese American singer whose band (Yellow Peal) sung about the prejudice of Asian Americans back in the 60s-80s.
I turned it off. I'd had a full day. I was tired. Well, I'm always tired, but today I was really tired. I tried to type some of this post but was just too tired. Now it is very late again, and I must go to bed. Tomorrow I am going to get new glasses and go get new strings put on the guitar Steve bought me. (Witch I am unbleiveably thankful for.) Goodnight.

[END WRITING AT Wed 11 May 2011 12:17:19 AM EDT ]

[WRITTEN AT Thu 19 May 2011 04:34:09 AM EDT ]
Today (well, yesterday night since its 4AM) I walked home from the library. It was completely dark. I was on Cemetery street, right next to Mathews Avenue, but I walked past it because I wanted to see the colors of the clouds that I could see over the hill, up the road. I was listening to Kings and Queens by 30 Seconds to Mars on my PSP. The road was deserted, no one behind or in front of me. I ran up the hill as the song was coming to climax, it came to climax right as I reached the top. I threw out my arms and sang as loud as I could.
"...foooor our DREEEEAAAMMMM!!!!"
Suddenly:
"EY!"
I practically shit myself.
Some man on a bike was riding right next to me. (My left.) He was facing me but I could not see him. I could only see the dark outline of looked like a man on a bike. Everything within the outline was blackness. The bike looked like it had an older style to it and something made me feel like the man was old too.
My response: "Woah, hey! You scared the crap out of me! ...I was singing!"
So awkward. When he yelled I really jumped. I don't even know why he yelled in the first place. I had also don't what else I could have said back to him, other than what I did. What else do you say when you are found singing in the dead center of a road around 9 at night?
He kept riding on past me. Turned so he was in the middle of the road like me. I saw sparks from a cigarette splash on the ground while he was heading towards the middle line. I kept walking in his direction so I may seem less weird. But a car came by in the opposite direction and I turned with it and went onto Mathews Avenue, on my way home.

[END WRITING AT Thu 19 May 2011 04:57:17 AM EDT ]

[WRITTEN AT Sun 22 May 2011 02:45:13 AM EDT ]
Today I was walking home from the library and like useual I walked by the trailer park that where a kid named Alex lived, someone I used to be friends with. Outside his trailer home I saw an off-white, big, exspensive looking, classy car. Later as I came nearby the house of a childhood friend (that is now occupided by my middle school art teacher, Ms.Briggs.) I heard two car horn beeps behind me. That same classy car pulled up next to me, two people inside. I first thought the passenger was a kid named Jeremy, when the window rolled down I saw that it was actually Alex himself, and Ernest was in the driver seat. How does this ass have a driver license before I do? Especially when he younger than me.
Alex waved meekly. "Hey do you want a ride to the end of your road?" asked Ernest.
"No, it's alright." I answered.
"Okay." Ernest replied.
And then he drove off, accelerating faster than people normally do on this road.
I took the left at Ms.Briggs house. Three quarters of the way home. I came to where a small river ran under the road through a culvert. I stepped over the guardrail. There were some dead fish in a hole in the ground, some unwanted catch. I stood on the edge of the metal culvert over looking the river and quietly mouthed the word to the song playing in my ears while watching some birds, even if it was in a language I do not know. The song ended, I stepped back over the guardrail and back onto the road. I looked up. In the distance I saw Donald riding down the hill on a bike. I squinted to see, maybe it wasn't him, but it was. His hair is shaved off now, he used to keep it really long. He came closer and closer. He came to pass me. I did my regular, odd, two-fingered wave. He waved back and said something but it just came out as mumbles since my music was playing. His head was tilted to my right, he had what I can only describe a sad smile on his face. He sped past. I kept walking. I played back his mumble in my head again and discerned that it was either just "Hi "-or-"Hey Andrew." Still walking, I took a right onto Cemetery Street. I crained my eyes as far to the right as I could without moving my head. Donald was still speeding away, he did not look back.

I got home, watched some TV, then beat Pokemon Diamond (yes!) sometime after 1AM while hearing Mom and Spencer screw. Earlier this night I overheard them talking outside. Spencer said "His behavior is so...distrusting." Mom replied with "Hey doesn't trust *anybody*"
Well, it's nice to *not* hear them say completely, fucked up, disturbing things when I am the topic of conversation between them - witch happens a lot. The day before today I overheard them talking about me. Mom said something so seriously fucked I ran inside and packed a backpack with clothes, a compass, bathroom stuff, netbook, and other crap to take traveling. I kept pacing around the house just repeating "This is sooo fucked up." over and over again under my breath. I did not want to think of what more they were saying about me while they were outside beside the campfire. It was so messed up I don't even want to say it here on this blog. And usually I bare-all on my blog. Thats how fucked up it was. I know I can't leave, I have no where to go. And unless I have another place to stay I have no where to put my guitars. Could I sleep on the streets for a few nights? Sure. But I'd have to come back eventually, and coming back after that would cause more problems than it would solve. I need to get out of this house. I want to leave. They only things I would come back for are to play my guitars, to visit David, and to visit my friends.

I want out. Now.

On a nicer note, I listened to the album Catalyst by New Found Glory while I was writing this part of the post. It just ended. It's okay music. It's not a favorite but it's okay.
[END WRITING AT Sun 22 May 2011 03:32:48 AM EDT ]

[WRITTEN AT Fri 27 May 2011 09:06:08 PM EDT ]
Yesterday during my walk I saw Donald again. He saw me too. He was sitting in a chair outside a girls house. He did not try to say hi or follow me. On my way back taking the same route, he was no longer there. Shortly after turning a corner I saw a group of gangster guys maybe around my age and a couple girls younger than me pass me on their way to a small clearing off the riverside trail that I walk to do drugs and drink. As usual they had backpacks full of drugs and cheap beer. You'd never see them wearing a backpack while going two for from school. One of them was in my Senior year high school English class. I remember came to class more often than other stoners in the class. When I took the riverside trail back home I encountered one of the girls and him walking out of the clearing and onto the trail. As I walked briskly past I waved a little and he said "Ey wus gonon men?" I just kept walking.
On my way back from the walk a saw a squirrel in a tree by the side of the road. I stood and watched for a while. The tree had only a few branches on it and few leaves so I could see him pretty well. It stared at me unsure of my motives. Was I a predator? A small blue car drove by scaring the squirrel onto the back of the tree. I scowled at the car as I drove away. The squirrel came back into view after a while, shortly followed by a smaller, more lightly colored squirrel. "His mate!" I thought. I stood perfectly still for a long time and watched as two squirrels turned into three, then four. They were scampering all over the tree. At one point two of them got really high up in the tree and looked down directly at me. I climbed down the slope to the tree. The squirrel closest to the ground ran around to the side of the tree that was opposite of me. I put my hands on the tree and swung myself around it, the squirrel was gone. I swung around to the other side, nothing. I stepped back and looked up the tree, the other 3 squirrels were gone too. "Fucking Houdini Squirrels." I though. I said goodbye to the squirrels out loud and went home.

Today on my walk I saw two drug dealers and their hos talking outside an apartment on the bridge overlooking the waterfall the is a part of Jim's land. I went down on sat on the big stone wall on the opposite side of the river, the side Jim did not own and just listened to
music for a while. On that side of the river there was a large gray garage behind me. It was never open, it was never used, it was never open. I don't know what it was for. When we were little, Donald, Ernest, and other kids in the area said it was "The Doughnut Factory." I still don't know what it was really from. I climbed back up and started walking home. Two small kids were coming towards me on the other side of the road. One was on a scooter and I recognized him to be this tiny kid who harasses me and other people at the library by throwing things or screaming at them or calling them names. No one ever did anything about it. He curved onto my side of the road as we passed and said something to me, my music kept his insults at bay. I did not acknowledge him. I kept on walking.

[END WRITING AT Fri 27 May 2011 09:53:57 PM EDT ]

[WRITTEN AT Sun 29 May 2011 11:17:31 PM EDT ]
Today I was searching trough the ruins of the trailer across the road that we used for storage. (It caved in, I don't think I mentioned it.) I had a room all the way in the back where I kept a lot of crap from my childhood. I am pretty sure I saved a the things that mattered out of the room, and a thing or two from its previous occupant, a girl named Amy. I brought lots of stuff to my bus. I brought all my old yellow, metal, Tonka trucks to the backyard/playground area and put them on the dirt under Password Tower next to two very old, broken, and rusted ones. Mine were still so new looking. It was not the same one as the one I had now, but I had a Tonka dump truck when I very, very, little. I think it was my favorite toy for a while. I had it at my fathers house and I don't think I was ever allowed to bring it back to Moms house. It's front window was broken in and missing some of itself, the rest of its transparent, green, windows were still intact. I think. I would drive it around in the dirt. I would put my hands on either side of the dump body, put all my weight on it, and then run forward as fast as I could, running it across the large plain of grass that was my fathers backyard. I remember there were cracks in the yellow paint around the corners of the dump body because I would squeeze my butt into the dump body and ride backwards down a hill on my fathers property in that little thing. I have a flash in my mind of looking up from under it, seeing my arm carrying it over and off a dry dirt jump with green grass on the right (my right) side of the small mound of the jump. I loved that toy. I wish I still had it. If I remember to, I think tomorrow I will take the Tonka dump truck that I put under Password Tower today and put it in my bus instead for safe keeping. Even if it is not the same one, the Tonka dump truck has a lot of old memories associated with it that I do not want to forget. I'd rather not have the one I've got now to be destroyed by time or the Elements. Or be abused by Maisie or her friends. Now I really want to draw a picture of myself running with that old Tonka toy over a plain of windswept green grass.
Another thing I salvaged was a very large storage and carrying case for CDs. It used to belong to Doug but he never used much, he only ever kept a very small amount of CDs in it. I cleaned some of the tree seeds and pollen out of it and brought it to my room. I put a couple cassette tapes in it that I found (probably broken). There was a award ribbon on my door that was for someone who was a Participant in Vassalboro's Memorial day parade. I found it in the hall almost a year ago but I never knew who it belonged to until recently when I flipped it over to see Maisie's name on it. I put that In the case too. I wrote a note in it saying to clean it, not to break it, and signed my name to it. I put the note in the case and put it in Maisie's room in the middle of the floor so it would be the first thing she sees when she comes home from her dads. I barely use CDs from anything because I download all my music but Maisie has all kinds of CDs, so I thought she might like it. Plus she always comes home from her dads in a awful mood so hopefully this will help her.

I know Mom has been drinking ever since Karl (may he rest in peace) conned her into it, but now she does not even bother to hide it from me. When I walked out the front door today -under orders from Spencer to get a plank of wood- she was sitting in the passenger seat of the car drinking Spencer's booze, straight from the bottle! Even though she saw me standing there on the steps she kept on gulping it down! The most she did was try to avoid my gaze as I walked by. I feel so torn and conflicted. Mom is the only parent I've got and the only one I want. I am supposed to love her unconditionally but I don't like who she it turning into. For the last few months shes been getting more and more bitter with me. She keeps making off-handed comments about me in conversation and she talks about me behind my back all the time, and now that Spencer is here, she does not even bother to cook dinner for me or Maisie at all, her and Spencer just cook special Columbian dinners for themselves. She barely talks to me anymore, she at least talks to Maisie some, but not nearly as much as she used to talk with Maisie. She does not take care of herself health wise, not counting the drinking thing. She keeps bugging the neighbors for more drugs. And unfortunately for me I noticed that she never bothers to wear bras or underware anymore. She's also stopped visiting her friends like Jim or Lisa&Jamie. I don't what I'm supposed to do. Shes getting worse and worse and keeps getting meaner and meaner, especially whens shes drunk witch happens more and more now. Shes lost all her respect for herself. What am I supposed to do in this situation? I don't like the person she is becoming, and if she were aware of her own changes, I don't think she would either.
[END WRITING AT Mon 30 May 2011 12:28:15 AM EDT ]

A little while later...

[WRITTEN AT Mon 30 May 2011 01:46:38 AM EDT ]
When I went outside to get something a while ago I talked to Mom about driving to Nana's tomorrow. (She said her and Spencer were outside looking at the stars but there was far too much cloud cover to see any stars tonight. Spencer had just walked inside when I asked he about it.) Me misheard something that I said about driving and she got all angry at me. Then after I explained what I had really said she was still angry and treated me like I was stupid. Then she went inside and I heard Spencer ask through a bad of chips "Is he still bein a wussass?" My foot bumped into an empty booze bottle. Fucking disgusting. I threw it as hard as I could into the forest. I heard it crash through branch after branch until it thuded against the forest floor. My foot bumped into *another* one. This one still had some alcohol left. I threw it the same way as the last time but some of the alcohol got onto my foot and sandal. Fucking gross. Thankfully this particular poison did not seem to have any smell to it because it was too late at night for me to take a shower.
Oh yeah, Mom has taken up pinning me down to only certain specific times of the day when I am allowed to take a shower. Like I'm a little kid or something. She seems to be doing this out of spite. Still don't know why.
[END WRITING AT Mon 30 May 2011 01:59:24 AM EDT ]7

[WRITTEN AT Mon 30 May 2011 07:00:55 PM EDT ]
Just now Mom and Spencer left to go pick up Maisie from a fun park in Benton. Before they left Spencer threatened me for giving my mom shit, witch I was not. I'm being threatened, in my own home, by a guest! Mom was right there, she saw, she heard, she did not care. Her son is being threatened by a person we know to have killed people before and she did not do so much as blink. This is so fucked up.
They left me with orders to do some wood work that required an electric hand saw. When I went to do the work, I discovered that the saw in question is not to be found. It's just gone. The case that it goes in is empty and it is no where in the work area nor inside nor anywhere in the yard. They either hid it or took it with them. Why are they doing this to me? Why is MY MOTHER doing this to me?

I want out. Fucking now.

On another note some time during last week (don't remember when, I hate that.) while when I walked to the library on an overcast day I saw the two horses in a field on my way to the library had masks over their whole heads, they could not see? "Why would you do that?" I thought while looking over at the owner walking with his small son on the other side of the field. I walked up to the fence and whistled. They actually ran over to me. One came really close and stuck its head over the fence at me. A little scared and surprised. I leaned back, would it bite? I slowly touched its wet snout. I sniffed me a little. Then went back towards the darker colored brown horse. They both walked into the corner of the fence. Suddenly they made some noises and started stamping and bumping into each other, it looked hostile to me. I thought maybe my presence was the cause of it, so I said bye and left for the library.
[END WRITING AT Mon 30 May 2011 07:13:58 PM EDT ]

[WRITTEN AT Sat 04 Jun 2011 12:01:13 AM EDT ]
A few days ago while I was working on rebuilding the porch steps Maisie came out to talk to me. Mom and Spencer were not around. She came out to talk to me about what I had been talking about before while we were inside, witch was my frustration and anger with my current situation with Mom and Spencer. She was actually acting and talking like a human being. She expressed some of the same feelings that I've been having and she also said that Mom does not talk to her as much as she used to - something witch I had pointed out earlier in this post. She said one time when she walked outside she had seen Mom and Spencer doing it in the car. We talked about it for a really long time. When it got dark she went and got her cell phone so that she could use its light to illuminate the steps I was working on. That was so nice of her. So unlike her. We talked while I worked until I finished the steps and we went inside. I told her to keep what we had talked about just between her and I. She said "Of course, we're brother and sister."
So unlike her.
The day after she showed up at the library while I was working. Mom had dropped her off and Mom had said that if by the library's closing time she was not there to pick us us, then start walking. We walked. On on way I took Maisie's cell phone and took two photos of the clouds. There was one dark, heavy looking cloud that was soooo close to the ground that the it was able to cast a shadow with the setting sun onto the thin layer of clouds high in the sky. About a quarter of the way home Mom and Spencer met us on the road in the car and brought us to the end of our dirt road, not all the way home, because they wanted to go to the store get something. Maisie guessed that this meant they wanted to go screw. I kinda sang some songs by The Beatles while we walked. For some reason I was suddenly unable to remember all the words while with Maisie, so I mumbled over them. On the way, when we got to the top of a hill overlooking the forest, we saw lots of lightning in the same big, dark, heavy, cloud that I had taken two pictures of earlier. We stopped to watch. Maisie said it was heat lightning. There had been crazy weather all that day. It had hailed during the morning. In New York, Boston, and even as close to home as Winslow there were tornado watches in effect. My friend KJ, who lives in Winslow, posted on Facebook "Wind's picking up, sky's getting dark, brb hiding in basement." Maisie was still acting like a human being.
Today, well it's 34 minutes past midnight now so, yesterday I went for a walk to the old Waterfall by Jim's house. On the bridge I noticed that I could pick up the WiFi signal from Jim's house on my PSP, so I climbed down to the waterfall on Jim's side of the river. I checked my messages on Facebook so I could find out from my friend Hannah where Winslow High Schools graduation was taking place. I left the PSP in a tree to update its system software while I climbed around the waterfall. I broke away some overgrown branches from a path near the shore of the river. Its a small path that leads up the to top of the rock wall via a dirt incline witch was kind of like a tunnel because of the plant life that grew overhead. Though that was only when you went up from the river going right, if you went left you there was a way you could climb up the rock wall itself from the bottom of the river, and up to the top, where there was a large flat rock to lay on and a path that lead out to Jim's large, grassy, yard.
I had left the PSP in a tree near the end of that path while it was downloading the update file because it would download faster if it was closer to it's connection source. When I went to go get it I saw Donald, Jim's son/my former best friend, was running around in the yard feeding something to his dog. I snuck back with the PSP, and sat on the large flat rock and installed the update. When it was installing the update I walked to the very corner of the rock wall. It was pretty high up and you could see over the trees and pretty far down river. I looked to the from the river, to the left, and right then Donald noticed me standing there. He bolted to the path, "Aw crap." I thought. I jumped down onto the top of the dirt incline that I mentioned before, opened up the cell phone and began to read a news story. Donald came crashing through the plant life and onto the corner when I had just been. "Woah! Andrew! Bro! You scared me for a second there!" He was pretending like he had not seen me. And he used the word 'Bro.' Jeeze. I looked at him. He was wearing a Beatles band shirt and a very, very, short pair of shorts. Not really knowing what else to say: "Those shorts are a little too short for you. Just so you know." He smiled and I don't think he said anything. I went back to pretending to read a news story on my phone. Eventually he walked away. I laid down in the dirt and *really* picked out news story to read. After a while I went down the dirt incline and leaned against the rock wall to read. At some point I felt a vibration, a bump, ripple though the rock wall and into the one shoe I had pressed against it. I read for another small while, then decided to go back up again. Instead of the taking the way up going right, I took the left way to get back up. I climbed up. When I reached to the top I put on hand on the large flat rock I mentioned before and pulled myself up. There was Donald sitting on the rock. "Crap." I thought. I sat and read. He leaned over started talking to me. I don't even remember what we he started in talking about. I was not enough of a jerk to just turn around and leave when I first saw him. He ended up talking to me for more than an hour. I kept most of my answers brief, reading science-related news stories. At one point he complained about the spray paint graffiti that had showed up around the waterfall since a large amount of gangsters had moved into town a year or so ago. He called them delinquents. I said "You do drugs and listen to rap, you're one of them." He responded with "Well at least I don't spraypaint and destroy property!" He said that he would like to have hung out with me more but he had a prior engagement. When he saw a truck pull into Jim's driveway he said he had to go and emphasized just how good it was talking to me. After a minute he came right back saying that it was not his ride but just the guy who lives in the upstairs apartment. I bet that was awkward for him. He kept talking to me for a long while after that. About the future of the world, current events, his liking of rap, nanotechnology, a camping trip he went on, life extension, politics, lots of stuff. He said it was funny she should find me here here because he just recently had just went to to the old culvert on my road. A little creek that had a small island in it where me, Donald, and his twin brother Ernest used to go and play when we were kids. He said the reason he went there was nostalgia. He got a phone call and he and his friend decided that Donald would ask his dad, Jim, to give him a ride because his friend who was supposed to pick him up had run out of gas. He asked me what I would be doing for the rest of the night "...just hanging out here reading?" I said "Yeah." He once again emphasized just how good it was to talk to me. I did not look at him. He said "See you around." I said "Seeya." He left. I finished the last news story I wanted to read. I read most of the good ones there were to read on one site I had access to from my phone. I stayed a while longer and listened to the waterfall. But not much longer, it was cold. I climbed back down to the river. Jumped from rock to rock until I reached the base of the bridge and then climbed up to the road. It was around 10:30PM. Just as I was thinking if there was a curfew in this town or not, a sheriffs SUV drove past me. It was dark.
On the way back home I noticed some lightning bugs in the tall grass around the ditch. A few yards up on the other side of the road I noticed one lightning bug very far out in a field. I looked back towards where the lightning bugs were near the ditch. For a split second I thought the bright blinking light of a radio tower on a far off mountain was an unusually bright lighting bug. Then I noticed that one of the lightning bugs near the ditch was blinking in tune with it for a moment. I looked back out over the field and did something I always wanted to do but never did, no matter how many times I passed that field. I walked into it.
The ground was farther down from the tips of the grass than I thought it was. I let my hands play over the tips of the grass as I walked. One hand was open, the other held the knife I always had with me for protection. I stopped. I pushed my glasses down to the tip of my nose and pulled my hood back with both hands. The night sky was beautiful against the trees. The clouds completely masked space and the stars above. They were this off-white, gray color. I'm not sure what was illuminating them with that color. I could see orange light against the clouds from a mill that was on the other side of the river that split my town in half. The grass was slightly wet from a rain that lasted less than two minutes a small while ago. I could feel it on my hands and through the holes in my shoes. The grass was so tall. All the plants looked gray. I kept getting a strange feeling that I was being watched from the lone tree standing tall in the field above the wreckage of a ruined barn. It really was beautiful. All of it. I down through my glasses and could see the grass clearly beneath and around my feet. I looked over my glasses and could clearly see the leaves of trees and shrubs. The trees and plants were pitch black against the sky. Being in the tall grass felt good somehow. I loved it. It made me feel like a real traveler. A real adventurer. Don not ask me why. It just does.
That one stretch of road, that one part of Cemetery Street where there were no houses and almost nobody drove. Especially at night. I always feel like I'm the only person in the world when I'm there. You could probably feel it too. At that time of night I always walk in the middle of the road so I'm less likely to be attacked by animals lurking in the trees on the sides of the road. That's why I had the knife out while I was in the field. Animals. After I had left the feild a large animal jumped in the woods as I walked by. I ran a little to put distance between me and whatever that was. The rest of the journey home went without incident.
[END WRITING AT Sat 04 Jun 2011 02:00:17 AM EDT ]

Osama and Obama

2011-05-02T19:19:00.000-04:00

[WRITTEN AT 05/01/11 10:22:43 PM]

So I was watching some shitty crime drama called CSI:Miami and the show was suddenly put inside a blue frame and a text ticker appeared at the bottom. It said that President Barack Obama is preparing to make a statement from the White House at a 10:30. After going back to the show for a while the frame and the ticker came back saying that the statement would be about the hunt for Osama Bin Laden. The show was then switched over to a “CBS News Special Report.” A man for CBS news said that Osama Bin Laden was dead. 50 minutes later, Obama himself came on and comfirmed this with a speech, saying that earlyer today he had athourized the operation, and that it was an American operation. During his speech he said that “no Americans were harmed,” he then added that we “took care not to harm civilians.” Witch I guess means that we did in fact harm civilians during the Op. I woke Mom up right after Obama started speaking. As usual she woke as if someone had fired a weapon in close proximity to her head. She came out of her room, into the door and I said “Osama Bin Laden has been shot. He’s dead.” I backed up as she walked out of the door war and watched him speak. She plopped down on the couch and asked if I had rememberd that a few days ago I asked if she thought Osama was dead or not. She thought he was alive, I thought he was dead. Yes, I did remember. I had been thinking about it the whole time I was watching. They also showed video of the outside of the White House where a large number of people were celebrating and chanting USAUSAUSA.

She watched him talk for a moment or two, then got up, got a bag of organic chips from the kitchen. On her way back to he room, through the living room, she complained that I had not done the dishes, and I said I would do them. She went back to sleep. I watched the rest of Obama’s speech and the rest of the special report. Afterwards they set it back to normal tv, a single frame from CSI: Miami was shown, (a large dark Hummer in a Miami driveway at twilight) and then the local news came on.

My Mom, sister, brother, and one of my mom’s friends (Deb Crump) did a fund raiser walk for some Autism organization. I saw some video of it on the local news, but I did not any of my Family.

I would really just like to read from a novel Bill lent me (The Mote in God’s Eye) but I guess I’ll do the dishes now. *sigh*

My 20th Birthday

2011-04-13T15:27:00.001-04:00

[WRITTEN AT Monday, March 14, 2011, around 11:44...I think...fuck daylight savings time throws me off. ]

So, its been a while.

Yeah, March. I *should* have made a giant post about my birthday, but I procrastinated, then got busy. (For once) But now its been so long that my memory has faded. Fuck.

Okay, my birthday. 20 years old. Wow. And I barely have any real memory record from before the age of fourteen. And who can say one really lived those years when one has no memory of them? God I sound like a emo 13 year old. WHAT THE FUCK.

Okay, my birthday. For real this time.

It was the greatest birthday I’ve had in my life. (So far) In the weeks before hand I had been worrying about what to do for my birthday, because I never did anything special for my 18th birthday like people do and everybody goes and gets wasted for their 21st, and I don’t want to ever drink, so I decided that the big two-oh would be my special birthday.

But alas! I live in Maine and have no spending money to boot! Thus, I bugged all my friends about this until Boonie came up with the genius idea of having a LAN party* at my house.

*For readers from the future, a LAN party is when a bunch of video gamers take their video game consoles, and connect them all together on whats called a Local Area Network so each console can have a few players on each console all playing with or against each other on the greater network.

So on February 12th (I think) Boonie, Sean, Steve, and Simone all came over to my place. Steve brought his giant TV and his Xbox 360, Sean and Boonie Brought their Xbox 360s as well. When networked them together and we each popped in our copies of Halo: Reach. We played for hours. It was so awesome. We laughed, we screamed, we cried. We tried playing on the highest difficulty level, got our asses kicked. We tried playing on different Firefight modes that we have never done before, got our asses kicked more. We took breaks here and there, eating pizza and some great breadsticks that my Mom made. At some point we went from firefight mode, where

you fight waves of increasingly powerful aliens, to match mode, were you fight each other. That part had the most laughs. Steve (sadly) had to leave early (work) and eventually Sean had to go too (forget why) but Boonie stayed pretty late (witch I was really happy about). After he left all that was left was Simone, whose parents had let her sleep over. (Witch is REALLY REALLY AWESOME.)

We stayed in my room until, like, 4AM I think. The sun was already coming up when I tucked her in on the couch in the living room. We talked, traded Pokemon cards, listened to music and goofed off for hours. Best day, and night, of my life.

After we woke up my mom took us to a movie theater called Flagship Cinemas in Waterville. We saw a movie about demos, god, religion, and exorcism. The movie was alright but I cared more about just spending time with Simone than I did the movie. Simone made the plot better.

I asked my friends not to get me anything as gifts, I just wanted to hang with my friends more than anything, but Simone still made me a great card from scratch that took her six hours to create. On the outside there is an incredible, full-color drawing of the main character from the first three Halo games, John-117, also known as ‘Master Chief.’ He is holding two balloons with part of the Halo logo on them. On the top it reads, “Attention Spartans!! One among us is having a birthday!!” On the inside it reads “Happy Birthday Drew!! =) -Simone” It also has two Japanese characters drawn in red on the inside but I forget what they mean (I hate that) so I’ll have to ask Simone again and then make a note of it here. I love that card so much. Simone is great at drawing.

It may not seem like it to you, but that really was the best birthday of my life. There was so much more to it than I am able to remember, so much more that I remember thinking “Oh that will be great to put on my blog," yet I can’t remember what any of those beautiful little nuances were. I hate that.

And that was the best birthday ever. I will write the rest of this post plus a reflection on being twenty years old and what I think the next year, and next twenty years, will hold in store for me.

I would write more now but I just spent 25 minutes drying out my maroon notebook because I spilled water on it when un-tacking Simone’s card from my bookshelf to re-read for this post, also I think its somewhere around 4AM right now.

G’night.

[WRITING END AT Tuesday, March 15, 2011, 04:48:55 AM]

[WRITING RESUME AT Tuesday, March 15, 2011, 07:33:44 PM (currently listening to nice ambient music from a radio show called ”Echoes” on 91.3FM)]

OK, whilst trying to keep the events that took place during my procrastination in chronological order, I think I am to talk about Karl next.

I believe I have mentioned him in past posts. My Mom did house keeping for him a while ago, but I made her stop after she accepted alcohol from him, breaking twelve years of being sober. And I bailed out his boat at the China boat landing after a rain. A boat that he made in his basement, one that me and Mom carried out of his basement and up a hill. Part of the mast broke while doing this. Yeah I’m pretty sure I made a post about that.

Welp, Karl’s dead.

Karl is the first person I have known to die, and yet I feel nothing. I do not know what to think of it either, both my emotions and my mind are drawing a blank. Even if I was not especially fond of the guy I would think that his death would stir something in me.

I did not know him very well. He knew my biological father at one point in his life, I think they knew each other through school somehow, I’ll have to ask Mom. He was friends with Spencer and Camile. He liked to bet on horse races and Mom said he was somewhat intelligent, though he did not seem it to me. One time he had me take a machete and cut a trail from one end of yard to the road. He was also what my Mom called a “wet drunk," witch I presume was someone who drinks 27/7. Other than that, all I really knew him as was a dirty old man with really strange lips who wanted to bone my Mom. Though I wish I knew him at least a little more than I did, then maybe his death would stir something in me. Rest in peace, Karl. Rest in peace.

[EDIT ON 04/13/11 01:26:42 AM]

I’m wrong. Karl is not actually the first person I have ever known to have died. My friend Hope Haskel actually drove me and one other friend of her’s to visit her dad in a hospital. When I saw him a person was feeding him. He was sitting in some kind of specialized chair that I can’t remeber very well. His head was leaning back and he was unable to move much of his body at all from what I could tell. Hope said hi to him. I can’t remember is any of she said to him. The man made an attempt at grunting out a sentence but was unable to. She said some things to him and we left very quickly. A while later I commented on some new unfinished tattoo work of a winged heart on he shoulder. She said that it was for her father. I questioned what that meant she said simply, “He died, remember?” I think all I said in response was “Oh, yeah.” I don’t remember her telling me that he had died. And I did not even say sorry. God, I’m such an ass.

I still do not know what he died of.

[END OF EDIT]

Okay, it was a while ago now so I can’t exactly say when, but in the very early weeks of this month, one night, I walked outside to get something (I forget what) and sitting in our driveway was a the outline of a truck with its headlights on. I could see nothing of the truck itself other than the outline of the truck itself and the inside of the cab since the inside light was on. I was frozen on the stairs of the back porch in mid-step. I remembered seeing the lights through a window on my way out and I thought it must have been my mom smoking and listening to the radio out in her car again. The headlights looked like there were in the wrong place to me but I did not think it could be anything else other than that. I slowly back-stepped my through the porch, back indoors in turned off all the lights. I looked through all the windows to see if I could make out any other features of the truck. If its lights were turned off I could have been able to make out some other features of it. Inside the cab I could barely see anything, once in a while I might see a twinge of movement.

I went to wake up Mom but she did not want to get out of bed. I went back out of her room to keep watching the truck. By now Maisie had come out.and was looking at the truck with me. I went to wake up Mom again. This time I made her get up. “Would you please at least get up and see if’s one of your friends?” She could not tell whose truck it was any better than I could. After about 15 minutes of the phantom truck idling in our driveway Mom called the cops. The dispatch woman told a cop would calls us soon. “Soon” means almost an hour in cop language. After about 45 minutes of waiting in the dark I decided to go out and get as close as I could to the truck. I went out the back porch and crawled as close to the ground as I could. There was a path through the snow that I dug from the back porch to where we parked the car, because of my digging there was a large pile of snow on either side of the path that I could hide behind when crawling. I crawled to the end of the path and looked around, unfortunately being that close to the trucks headlights only served to blind me even more. I crawled back inside. It seemed like forever we were simply waiting for something to happen. I paced from window to window looking to see if any intruders were out walking around, Mom and Maisie on the on couch. Later Mom would tell me that Maisie kept wishing Spencer was there. At one point there was large bump on the porch, “Be quiet, someone is on the porch.” Mom and Maisie cut their chatter, Mom shoo’d Maisie into her (Moms) room while Mom stood by the doorway to her room while I tried to peek out the window in the porch door. No marauder with a tommy-gun blew the door away, no nutcase axe murderer. Nothing came through the door.

After about twenty minutes of sitting and watching the truck with my foldable sawblade in hand. the cop called us to ask for directions to our house. Well shit. Good thing it’s not a real emergency or anything. I gave him a walk though on how to find us and eventually he showed up. He parked some distance down the driveway and walked the rest of the way, holding a lit flash light. As the cop got closer his light shone on the back end and the side of the phantom truck. Green paint. Round and curved edges. With gowwing horror I realized I knew exactly who that truck belonged to. And I knew who was in the cab too. The cop banged on the door twice and opened it. There sitting bolt upright was a very sleepy and very drunk Spencer.

I went outside and the cop walked up to me, he was much shorter than I was. He asked me if I knew Spencer I said yes and apologized for the whole mess. We walked back to Spencer’s truck. He told Spencer that he was going to check to see if there were any warrants out for Spencer’s arrest and he was free to go. Spencer and I looked at each other, the cigarette almost fell out of his mouth. “I got warrants on me.” He said. And indeed he did, the horribleness that is Spencer’s girlfriend placed bullshit charges on Spencer after they had a big fight about a month ago, and during that whole month Spencer was still living with her. I kept apologizing to him and saying we had no idea who he was and that we thought he was some crazed ax murderer. All he could get out was “You realized I’m fucked up right now, right?” You’re drunk?” I asked. “I’m fucked up right now.” was his response.

I slowly walked with him behind me over the icy path inside. Mom took him to lay down in her room. I heard Big barking outside so I guessed the cop was back. I walked out of the porch to hear the cop screaming “CALL YOUR DOG AWAY BEFORE I HAVE SHOOT EEM!” (Over kill?) I got Big to shut up and reassured the cop again when he started complaining about Joey sniffing around his legs. On the porch the cop asked if Spencer was inside, (why else ould I being leading him in there?) I said “Yes. But I think he’s sick.” The cop said “HA! He’s drunk!”

Inside, Mom thanked the cop for his understanding. He said he was sorry be he had to take Spencer away. Mom said okay. Cop asked where he was, my mom and I pointed in the direction of her room. The cop was talking about something (Don’t remember what) as he walked in the direction of the other side of the house. We interrupted him to direct him again Moms room. He was very nice to Spencer. he said if he co-operated he could ride up front and that if he took out any contraband he had on him right now he would give Spencer amnesty for hit. Spencer took a bunch of stuff out of his pockets but none of it was contraband. Mom asked me to get Maisie into he room because apparently Spencer did not want to get arrested in front of the kids. Mom and I watched Spencer get walked by the cop down and out of the drive way. I feel like shit for this. He’s going to have this on his record for the rest of his life, it’ll be the worst thing on his record, it’s a bullshit charge, and it’s all my fault.

The people in jail are treating him poorly. His public defender is a lazy asshole. Mom is going to visit him a lot. I want to go see him but how could I possibly face him after all I’ve done to him?

At the moment I cannot think of any other significant events between Spencers arrest and this next one. (Other than going to the library for Internet 3 days a week and my almost nightly phone conversations with Simone.)

On our way to the library one day last week a car flashed its lights at us as it passed. Up ahead we saw a duck using its wings to flap itself across the wet road. Mom stopped the car on the opposite side of the road, I got out and tried to shoo the injured duck across the road. (At this moment I just realized that it was a female Mallard.) When I had scared it up onto the snowbank it gave up and stopped moving all together. I pushed it with my shoe and it rolled over on its back. By now I could tell that both its legs were broken or at least damaged, it refused to move them at all from the position ducks keep them in when flying. Mom walked over with a yellow fleece, wrapped the duck up, brought it back to the car and put it in a box. On the way to the library I put the box in my lap and looked in on him. I lifted up part of the fleece revealing part of her bill. It was slightly open and I could see she was breathing. It looked like she may bite or his at me.

Mom dropped me off at the library saying she would bring the duck to the local animal shelter. When I asked her about it two days later she would tell me that the duck flapped around in the box a bit very shortly after leaving the library parking lot.

Rest in peace, duck. Rest in peace.

I went over to David’s house like usual last Sunday. They have their social workers cycle out all the time. The workers you see one week will not be the same ones you see the next week. That week they had a woman named Andrea there, she was taller than most and had strange, almost tie-die eyes of brown and green, her skin was olive and her hair had a strange, unexplainable texture. She had an accent I could not place and upon my asking she said that she was from “Amsterdam-Holland.” I don’t know what the relationship between Amsterdam and Holland is as I was under the impression that they were separate countries but I could very easily be wrong. I don’t know anything that area except that some islands that were previously a part of Amsterdam had peacefully become their own country and both these islands and the government of Amsterdam were both happy with it the deal.

Anyway. I asked her about how she got here and she said she was a part of something called International Learning Exchange (ILEX) witch sends students to the United States to do social work. She asked what parts of the U.S. were “East coast” and “West coast” so I told her about that and what the bible belt and the South was and that the rest of the U.S. ashamed of the South.

She asked me about college, I told her I could not got to college even if wanted because there is no way to pay for it, and even if I could pay for it I don’t know what I would want to get a degree in and in our current economy I would not be able to get a job with whatever degree I had bought. She repeated a couple times “I could just cry” in reference to the situation that the majority of my generation is in, and myself being a perfect example. She made a subtle reference to it being a lot different in Europe. I did not catch it at first so I did’nt ask her to elaborate. She also said something else sort of interesting. She said when you travel in the U.S. you can drive for hours and hours and hours and still be in the same country. Meaning the same people, same language, same manufactured culture. She said in Europe you can drive for hours and travel through whole countries. Different languages, different people, many different organic cultures.

I wish there was some way I could get to Europe. I could learn so much. The only thing I really want to do with my travel the world and learn about as many countries and languages as possible. If I could get my ass across the Atlantic to Europe, I could motherfucking walk from country to country. It’s perfect for me. I lust for travel. It’s all I want. But I can’t do any of it without money, and there are no job to be had.

[WRITTEN @ 04/13/11 02:22:55 AM]

I really really don’t want to do much more typing with this post. There’s so much more I want to say, express and record, but frankly I just want to be done with it. My fingers ache.

I don’t remember during what times this was going on in the backround, but I made a small amount of money with my mom doing a masonry job for Karl’s mother. Remember Karl? He died. His mother is still hanging around and her very, very, old, cobblestone basement foundation was leaking. So she paid me and Mom to cement up the holes best we could, a job that Karl himself had started a while ago but then got lazy about. He left chalk “X”s on places where leaks were, so he was helpful after his death. We only did work for a couple hours for around four or five days, though Mom left me down there by myself while she went and did other stuff in town. She took most of the money from it though. To be fair, she said it was her “finders fee.”

I also did a little work going from door to door selling free house painting estimates. This was horrible. I’m a socially awkward teen trying to sell strangers something they don’t want in the dead of winter. Nobody wants to hold their door open for anything or anybody during winter. There was this one guy who was gigantic and very intimidating looking who was having a very hard time holding back a dog that would stop stop barking at me while at the same time he holding the door open. I just fucking stood there stuttering until he said “No thanks. I’m not interested.” That was horrifying. I still twitch violently every time I think about it.

It does not help that barely anyone has a painted house anymore. Everything is plastic siding.

Japan had a terrible earthquake and tsunami. Great numbers of people have died. Meanwhile in the U.S. the people rejoicing on social networking websites with EVERYBODY collectively saying something like “karmas a bitch hunh japan? this is gods payback for pearl harbor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Seriously. It’s like THOUSANDS of people were all brainwashed to go on Facebook and all make a status update mentioning three things: karma being a bitch, god, and Pearl Harbor. And we wonder why the rest of the world hates us.

There are all kinds of organizations that are getting people together to help with both the cleanup and the rebuild. I’ve been trying to find some organization that will just send people from anywhere to go help. I have a sound mind and an able body. I can help! I want to help! I would love to be able to go over there and help. First, this means I would be traveling. Second, it would be JAPAN. Third, I would be able to help people in a crisis. It would be such a great life experience. But as far as I can tell, there are no organizations that will pay to send people around the planet just to help build houses and clear away debris. Damn it.

There have also been all kinds of uprisings against evil governments all over the middle east. I’d like to talk about that but I’m too tired of this post. It’s taken forever to write no to mention I wrote two other posts about things that happened while I was procrastinating on finishing this one. FYI: The two posts before this one are the ones I’m talking about. Plus the dates on this thing are all jumbled around from me going back to edit or finish certainty parts.

Okay. I’m done now. I’m going to play a little Minecraft and go to bed.

Goodnight. Sweet dreams. I love you. See you in the morning.

[END WRITING @ 04/13/11 03:01:19 AM]

"I've heard about you. You're vandals arent you? Driver told me about vandals..."

2011-04-13T14:12:00.006-04:00

[WRITTEN @ Tue 12 Apr 2011 02:52:13 PM EDT ]

Yesterday Mom and I drove the Vasalboro library too early. Half an hour early. So I walked to the nearby boat landing on China lake. There was a boat house there with a small dock leading out to it I always walk out onto for the purpose of looking out over the water. That day I noticed two things, one, the door that normally had a big padlock on it had was open. Two, there were gummi worms at bottom on the water around the dock. walked into the boat house to see that not only was the door open, it had been pried and kicked in, judging by how the metal lock was bent all to crap and how wood around the lock of the door and where the lock was attached on the door frame was splintered and broken. I also found that not only was the boat house used to store a canoe, but also various chairs. Witch were all currently sunk at the bottom of the waters of the boat house. I took off my bag, rolled off my sleeves, and started to pull the chairs out of the water. Some had leaves in or on them witch led me to believe this had happened a few days ago and I must have been the first to notice. Some of the chairs I could not reach myself so I used the handle of a long fishing net to do it. One chair had could only be retrieved by stepping down into the canoe. A couple of the chairs I left to dry on hooks nailed to the rafters. A few plastic chairs, two lawn chairs, a wooden rocking chair, and a heavy metal chair that was made to be attached to a boat. I know that I breaking the law by being in there in the first place, but I was only in there to clean up and make less work for who ever owned the boat house. I took a few photos with the webcam on my netbook. First one is of the inside of the place after I got all the chairs out, second one is of the note I left under the leg of a chair explaining what happened and what I did not who ever owned the building, and the last one is of me in door way of the boat house. (I'll admit that I did use one of the chairs to set my netbook on to take that photo, but oh well.) I'll post the photos here, along with this entry. I did not sign the note I wrote. I don't think it matters who did what I did, as long as it was done and I helps that people who it was intended to help. And frankly I don't want to be bothered with "thank you"s from people I've never met.

Cousin Jake

2011-04-13T14:10:00.000-04:00

[WRITTEN AT Mon 04 Apr 2011 08:07:36 PM EDT] [Currently to 1812 Overture by Trans-Siberian Orchestra]

Today I went to Waterville again. I am planning to go to Portcon this year cosplaying as Ginko from Mushishi, so I walked to Goodwill and picked found exactly what I was looking for. I got the exact coat that Ginko wears for ten dollars. It's a lot of money for me but I think it's worth it. While I was there I saw this girl with purple hair and a bag in the form of a cartoony demon thing, and this hipster guy with lots of ear pirceings trying on vintage clothing with his mom. He looked about college age. I just know he was the owner of a stout, greenish, suv with a magnet on the back in the shape of Maine but colored in th colorscheme of a gay pride flag.

Back outside it started to rain. I like the rain. I walked to a pawn shop to look at what used guitars are like. While I was sitting on the floor playing one of the guitars a guy walked around the asile and looked a little surprised when he saw me, then looked at the guitars. It was Kevin Michuad, someone I went to middle school with, known for already completeing puberty by third grade and having the ability to grow a beard by 2 o'clock. "Havent seen you in a while." I said, and then went back to strumming the guitar.
"Oh, hi." he replied. "How are you?"
"Pretty good. You?"
"Alwright....So what'r you up to?"
"Saving money to go to college abroad." I lied.
"Doing what?"
"Uh, languages, translation." I lied again.
"Oh. I'm working at Home Depot." He said looking at a guitar.
"Lucky. I can't find a job."
"Really? Have you applied at McDonalds?"
I explained to him that I've applied literally every place to work in the Winslow and Waterville area, even McDonalds, more than
"Home depot is hireing." He looking over his sholder at the rest of the store.
"Really?"
He then explained to to "check off every position" when applying there to "get your foot in the door."
We talked about that a bit more. At some point near the begining he mentioned that I "had lost a lot of weight." I replied with "Yeah I used weigh around 300, now I weigh around 160." I don't remeber where in the conversation that took place. I hate that. In hindsight I should have said thank you. Sometimes I can be so rude without meaning to or realizing it. I hate that too.
He walked over me, down to the end of the short aisle, said "Well I'll see you around." I spoke some iteration of bidding goodbye but I do not remeber what.

[WRITTEN @ Tue 12 Apr 2011 02:27:51 PM EDT ]
One of the times I went to the Waterville public library over the past few weeks, it apparently closed earlier than normal on that day I walked to the 2 Cent bridge to just hang out for a while, but not before seeing my cousin Jake, meeting his son, and seeing his wife, Alex, who works at the library. His sons name never came up and I feel bad not knowing it. He attempted to get his son to say hi to me by asking if he remembered Maisie and that I was her older brother. His son looked away and then ran to hug his mother as she came near. I mentioned that I can not ever imagine myself being a father, or if I was not a very good one. He replied with "You say that, but then it happens an' ..." I think his voice trailed off here, he may have said something more but I don't remember. Then When I walked back to the library after relaxing by the bridge for a while. When I got there Jake was leaning on the railing saying that my mom had just left to go look for me at Jorgenson's. A Local coffe shop. I don't know why she would do that because she was supposed to be there at 5 and it was not even 5 yet.
Jake led me inside to the supposedly closed library. Jake I got a drink for the fountain. Jake said "Look who's here." To Alex as she came around the corner with a cart full of books. She was surprised to see me. I asked about why they were allowed in here and they explained simply that it was "Movie night." Jake mentioned to he wife that when he was a teen ager you could have found him "Hang'in some kid by his toes say'n 'Give me yo fuckin money.'" My mom would later explain that they were hosting a movie night at the library to keep teens of the street that have nothing better to do.

Forgotten Siding

2011-04-02T13:45:00.002-04:00

[WRITTEN AT Thu 31 Mar 2011 11:23:16 PM EDT]

Today I went to the Library in Waterville. The place was recently renovated and got two whole new floors out of the deal. Well, not really, just one new one. They have one little space that is just about the size on the hallway in my house, in the space between what would normally be called the first and second floors, but because there is this little hallway between the the first and second floors, they get to now call that hallway the second floor and the actual second floor is now the third floor. The first, second and third floors all have these open air areas where you can look down over the railing and see the ground floor. And by "the ground floor" I mean the back end of the the area where the librarians check out your books. So all you really see is some shelves full of books and stationary. It all looks very modern. (Keep in mind this is 2011)
The newest upper floor looks old. In a good way. Old but new somehow. There are two large rooms all full of books on various shelves. One is built for study with two long and large tables put together. The other room is more of a lounge with various small tables and chairs spread out over a wide area. The furniture in both rooms are made of thick wood. The style of both rooms just seems old to me, sort of like an old prestigous university library would.

I sat on the net for a while, read one manga from the library called "Eden," only volume one, and I read the first three volumes of "I am a Hero" on the net both a pretty good, "I am a Hero" is a little fucked up though. I downloaded some books on learning Python and talked in IRC to a friend from Iowa for a while. This was all really hard to do seeing as how I only had my PSP.
Today was a really nice day and its supposed going to snow tomorrow so I decided to walk to the 2-cent bridge before my Mom picked me up at 4PM. I took a couple photos of some buildings on the way there with my mom's camera. When I got there the old toll box had been vandalized more than ever, some floorboards were torn out, then replaced hastily with plywood, witch was then broken again. Probably by the same people. A couple square feet of the barrier between the toll box and the bridge's walkway had been cut and bent out of place.
Fucking gangsters. Fuck you, your drugs, and your rap.
Across the bridge however, on the Winslow side, were six boxcars left on the train tracks leading into a old paper mill. Awesome, I love trains. Always have. I went and took around 30 photos of them. I also climbed on top on a cuplink between two boxcars. Just as I was thinking it was probably a bad idea to be in there, a car came driving up the road. I quickly turned around and jumped out from between the two boxcars just as the car-car drove by.
Right when I was almost done taking photos of the boxcars I head a girl scream. I looked up the steep to see two girls in stereotypical prep clothing, one jumping on the others back. I turned the camera on the and zoomed in. The old cameras lense refocused just in time to see the shaved, blond head of a gangster appear over the hill. I quickly took two last photos and started back across the bridge.
On my way back I looked at the damage to the old toll box again. "Damn shame." I said to an old woman walking the oppose way on the bridge. She agreed with me and spoke of how "some people just have to ruin it for everybody else." I asked her, in reference to the massive amounts of graffiti in the toll box, if it would be illegal to take some white spray paint and paint over all the graffiti. She said something along the lines of "That's a good question, there's a police station over there, you should ask." I said "Fair point" and walked the rest of the way to the library.
On the way back heard loud drum playing. When I came around Joes Smoke Shop I saw the son of Joe playing a drum or bongo of some kind in the fourire (how u speal dis?) of the store. He had dark medium length hair, lots of ear piercings, skinny jeans, and some kind of beatnik-looking top under a dark hoodie or coat. As I waited for the cars to stop so I could cross the street, I sorta gave him the thumbs-up and just to acknowledge that I liked what he was doing. Right when I crossed the street he stopped playing and went outside for a cigarette.
I waited outside the library for my mom for about 15 minutes. While I did a girl very, very, boyish looking, blond, haircut walked down the sidewalk on the opposite side of the library and into the back door of the green house on that side of the street. She seemed a lot younger than me, 14 to 16 maybe? Unremarkable clothing, none the less I would like to photograph a woman with that kind of haircut. Simone really wants to get a hair cut like that but her mom would never let her. I really want her to be able to get it. I love her amazing hair to death but I've always thought that short, boyish hair on a girl is cool.

Mom got me, I drove home. Did some yardwork. Talked on the phone with Simone for a hour until her mom made her get off. Now I'm typing this and listening to the chaos over the presidency in Ivory Coast on the BBC. Still have no idea how to do all the things I want to do with my short life.

I'm still working on that post about my 20th birthday. Problem is I procastinated a lot and then a LOT of things that needed recording happened over the time since my birthday, and I haven't gotten it all down yet. SO it looks like the post about my birthday in February will not be published to my blog until fucking April. Oh wait, look, its 12:48AM now, that means it's April first now. Fuck. And I haven't even thought of any good pranks to pull on anybody. Double fuck.

Well, it is supposed to snow today, after weeks of warm weather. I guess that's a pretty good prank.

[UPDATE AT April 2, 1:48PM]

YEAH THAT WAS A LOT MORE SNOW THAN THEY SAID IT WOULD BE FUCK WEATHER THANK YOU VERY LITTLE

Two Decades of me, myself, and I.

2011-02-17T12:49:00.004-05:00

"Ladies and gentlemen I have an announcement to make!

I, Drew Tardif, will be the best 20-year-old...EVER!"

I dream of Egypt

2011-02-04T17:12:00.003-05:00

[WRITTEN @ Sat 15 Jan 2011 08:41:07 PM EST]
I just heard a beatiful song. It was celtic, and sung a language I had never heard the likes of before. Strange instraments too, the only ones I could idetify were drums being played by hand. It was a group of women who were singing, there was laughter in the backround, it gave you the image of many women siting and playying their hand drums while others danced around in a great field late in the day with long billowy dreses. The memory of it already fading, I can bearly remeber the beat, what strings there were are long gone, and while in the middle of writing this I spaced out when the radio announcer stopped to tell the names and titles of the last few songs they had played. I hate that. BUT NOW SHE JUST SAID THE NAME OF THE RADIO SHOW'S WEBSITE AND THAT THEY ARCHIVE ALL THEIR PLAYLISTS ON THERE FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YYEEEESS.

thisselradio.com PLAYLIST NAME something HIGHLIGHTS.

[EDIT] Fuck never mind. I found the playlist by I could not tell witch song was it. FUCK COCK SHIT DAMN POOP

[WRITTEN @ Sun 16 Jan 2011 03:26:17 PM EST]
Oh man I had the strangest dreams last night. It was a pokemon dream, I was Gold, and the dream kept switching between being real life or being anime. I kept trying to get into the Victory Road tunnel but I met Profesor oak inside were he stoped mewhen I tried to swim across one of the underground rivers. He freaked and said the pokemon there were too strong and helped me get out of the water. Then at one really weird point when we were leaving the cave I, for some reason, had to push myself through this hole. About the size of a mail slot on a door. When I tried I to push meself through only my eyes went though, exept they were mostly black and cartoony/animeish. What made this even more funny was that a small pair of lips drawn on the rock on the outside of the hole. Maybe I'll draw this image later. At somepoint the hole magically got bigger and Oak and I were abe to get out of the tunnel.
Outside, there were two bulldozers and large wooden poles here and there. I could not see the tops of them but I think something was built upon them. Next the camera (or viewpoint was looking straight at me with the side of a bulldozer in the backround. I opened my eyes while I asked a question I myself could not hear, meanwhile petting a pokemon that was sitting on my right arm though I don't remeber what pokemon it was, I think it was a flying pokemon.
The the camera view changed to my point of view. I was looking at the person to whom I had asked a question. The guy looked exactly like Olivine City's gym leader (although bald and with a mustache) but the information in my head said he was one of the Elite 4. He was carrying something on his shoulder, had work gloves on and was taking part in whatever constuction was going on. Behind him I could see one of the poles, some of the forrest, and some out croppings of rock from Victory Road.
The dream I had before that one I bearly remeber at all. All I know is that I was at a school where they taught magic and Simone was there with me. Thats ALL I remeber of it.
This dream is from last night, pokemon one was from when I was woken up the phone but after I went back to sleep.
David was supoosed to come over today. Mom has been asleep on the couch all day, when I went out she said David should be here any minute and asked what time it was. I said around 3. She said that was odd because David was supposed to have come over around 1 to 2. I could have sworn I had heard voices earlyer while drifing in and out of sleep.
Right, well I forgot to say that in addidtion to going over to David's house for dinner every monday, we now also have a setup where a aid worker brings David over every sunday for a small visit.

[WRITTEN @ Mon 31 Jan 2011 02:08:21 AM EST]
Recently something happened in Tunisia. Something huge.
A man named HUEGHUEGHUEGHUEGHUEGHUEG graduated with a university degree and a bucketload of debt. When he was unable to find a job with his degree he began selling fruits from a stand on the street. Shortly afterward, police took away his fruit and ordered him to stop selling his goods because he did not have any kind of licence to sell his furit. Some time after that, he committed suicide by setting himself aflame. Though the rest of the Tunisian population did not self-immilate, nearly all of them, espicially the younger populace, had gone through similar tribullations of extreme poverty and joblessness. And more over, Wikileaks had recently release an American Diplomatic cable where someone disribed the livving situation of a relitive of Former Tunisian dictator Ben Ali: The cable talked about how the relitive lived in a large, lavish house, with an in-door swimming pool, and had a Tiger as a pet. All done with money from Ben Ali of course. (PS: I love you Wikileaks.)
After all this it seams the Tunisian people had had enough, and they did something that so many people across the world could barely even begin to conceive that had the power to do. They rebelled.
Tunisia exploded. There were protests and riots of unimaginable size and scale. But the protesters were not looting or breaking anything, they simply descended upon Governmental buildings and screamed, shouted, chanted and yelled for the ousting of Ben Ali the Tyrant.
They did not even fight back when the police shot and killed so many of their own. Instead they ran away, regrouped, and showed up someplace else.
Eventually the Army mobilized itself but not to attack the protesters, no they stormed the main governmental building only to find that Ben Ali was not there.

[bold]Meanwhile, in America...[/bold]
There I was, sitting in the basement of the Waterville Public Library on my Asus EEEPC 900 netbook. I was talking in an IRC channel about the events unfolding in Tunisia. Though we had a better source than any reporter did as some of the people in the channel were actually Tunisia themselves, protesting in the srteets while chatting from laptops, cell phones and mobile devices. They were talking about what they should do after Ben Ali is gone. Suddenly someone said "OH MY GOD ITS OVER" and "WE ARE FREE." This was because Ben Ali and his family had fled on a private jet out of the country. They told us that soldiers were hugging and kissing civilians out in the streets.
Then we started trying to find Ben Ali, we found a French report that he had landed in Pairs but I'm pretty sure his jet would have to be abnormally fast for that, then someone else found a report that he landed in Libya, another joked that we should DDoS Libya. At some point we a tracking number of a plane headed away from Tunisia witch we thought was his but I don't think it was.
Then the IRC channel mysteriously crashed. It just disappeared. Everybody in the channel went offline and my client was just put in some inactive channel called #lobby on the same server but it did not display what users were in the channel for some reason. I asked where everybody went, what happened, where am I and stuff but then I was kicked from that channel with the message "Stop asking questions just go back to the channel you came from. And I did try to but that channel did not exsist anymore. It was really suspicious.
Anyway, it was a pretty big moment. I was there talking with some of the protesters as they watched tanks roll by and hear gun shots off somewhere close. I got to know that Ben Ali had ran away right as the Tunisians themselves did. It was unreal.
Alsowhen they were talking about making a democracy I said to make sure it was a real democracy and not shitty American "democracy."

Now, even more recently the same thing is happening in Egypt. Huge protests are happening is Cairo and Alexandria. And smaller ones in Jordan too! It's Amazing! And it's all inspired by the overthrow in Tunisia.
During the beginning of the protests in Egypt people used social networking websites to organize themselves. Egypt did not like that, so the turned off the Internet. Literally. They turned off the whole fucking Internet. And cell phones too. The only citizens or reporters that could get any kind of communication out of the country we people with landlines phones on borders with other countries.
Of course President Obama makes a speech about the events and condemns Egypt for turning off the Internet in a failed attempt to stop the protests. While at the same time the Obama administration is quietly putting a bill through legislation witch is basically a Internet Kill Switch for the president.
When I talk to people online from other country's they don't understand us at all. They say when governments do stuff like what ours does, all hell breaks loose. In other country's people protest against the same kind of stuff that our government does.
I chalk it up to apathy/Jersey Shore/supernationalism/American Idol/Faux News/Reality TV.

[WRITTEN @ Fri 04 Feb 2011 05:28:22 PM EST]
Also I would like to add that the Egyptian president paid a bunch of thugs and had the Police dress in Civilian clothes one night, pretend to be Pro-government civilians, and kill a few of the Anti-government protesters, and wound around 800. I'm watching Maisie's basketball game right now so I don't feel like typing out all the evidence for what I am saying, but they did such a shitty job of hiding it that even the mass media realizes this fact. Not just all the anti-government protesters.

[WRITTEN @ Mon 31 Jan 2011 09:06:17 PM EST]
Mom broke her toe. I walked into her room to talk about my birthday get-together and I could see that she was in a lot of pain-when I asked her whats wrong she said had broken one of her toes against her beuro while trying to avoid tripping over one of our dogs, Joey.
I told her I would drive her to the hospital but she insisted on just fixing it herself but I helped anyway. The first time around she wanted to scotch tape her broken toe to the not broken toe next to it. Instead I suggested to use popsicle sticks to make an actual splint. She agreed so I got a popsicle out of the freezer, knocked the Popsicle off the stick, brought it back to her room and splinted her toe properly. I felt bad for her when she said that she had to go to two of her housekeeping jobs tomorrow.

[WRITTEN @ Tue 01 Feb 2011 08:38:40 PM EST]
This morning Mom drove herself to the hospital and got xrayed, was given a cast and cruches. Witch I think was really stupid of her to go driving in in a snowstorm with a broken toe. Though she did let me drive her to pick up Maisie from basket ball practice. I saw her make a perfect while I was there. The doctors said my little splinting job was good too. Now I know if I ever need to splint something, I can.

Wikileaks.

2011-01-10T16:30:00.004-05:00

[I rewrote my post about the Wikileaks events because I wrote it poorly the first time.]

I am astronomically disgusted on levels I never thought possible.

At this point in history, a "whistleblowing" website exsists called Wikileaks. Over the past couple weeks it has been releaseing U.S. government cables that contain communications between U.S. government officials. Cables that were previously not available to the public. The things that were said in these cables was not vital data or top secret information was in these cables. Nothing that, if made public, people would die, get hurt, or agents cover would be blown. What was in the cables are conversations between U.S. officals and other U.S. officials or U.S. officials and foreign officails. The things that are discussed between said partys are for the most part, just their thoughts of other governments and/or countries. Most of witch ruffled the feathers of foreign parties. So Hillary Clinton, our current secretary of state, had to make calls around to various countrys saying that they are probably not going to like what these leaked cables are saying about them.
To make it more understandable, one can equate it to 6 girls. Split these girls into 5 groups, two groups of two, and the last two each on their own. The first group of two girls represent the United States. The second group of two girls represents other countries of the world. The fifth solitary is the hacker who obtained the files. And the sixth and final solitary girl represents Julian Assange, the one, who published the documents.
Bear with me.
The girls of two in the first two groups each have a cell phones. The two girls in the first in the first group are constantly gossiping about the the two girls in the second group via text message, and vice versa. Now, one day, the fifth girl finds out about the first group gossiping about the other group behind their backs. This fifth girl thinks this is wrong, and so she sneaks the text messages about the girls in the second group, from the cell phones of the girls from the first group. She then hands it over to the sixth girl, who publishes it all in a public viewing spot. Other people (unrelated to the girls in question) see the test messages and think "Hm, looks like those two girls from group one said some shit about the girls from group two." And then these people go on with their lives. The girls from group two come by and one says, "You two sure said a few mean things about us." The girls from group one apologize. The other girl from group two says "You should see what we say about you" (For the record, that is an actual quote from a foreign diplomat in reply to Hillary Clinton's apology.)
Little, if any harm, is actually done. After that life goes on, right? FUCKING WRONG. Now the girls from group one are stealthy waging war on the sixth girl. They take all her lunch money, they spread rumors about her, they turn all her friends against her, they make the bus driver agree not to let her ride the bus home anymore, they tell her parents that she did horrible things so when she gets home she will be in loads of trouble with her parents. Then to top it all off they go back to school and start a new school tradition that one day out of every school year will be "Honesty day." A day where everyone is clear and honest about what they think of each other, so they may sensibly resolve their issues with one another in a civil manner, and move on with life.
Guess what? That is exactly what is going on in the real world, right now.
The U.S. government is flustered as all hell like a little school girl about the leaked documents. They are calling WikiLeaks a terrorist organization and is working to get it effectively wiped off the Internet. They "put pressure" on Visa, Mastercard, and Paypal, (services that WikiLeaks gets donations through) to cut off their accounts with WikiLeaks. And they did. Right now, I can donate money to porn, anti-homosexual organizations, and the Klu Klux Klan, through Paypal or Visa, but not to Wikileaks.
Amazon, WikiLeaks's webshost, has dumped them without warning. (Once again under pressure for the gov.) Their domain name provider deleted the "wikileaks.org" domain too. (guess who) And now suddenly Sweeden wants to prosecute Julian Assange in a rape case. (gee. wonder where that came from?) Assange is currently in a London prison.
Meanwhile, in America, the government has created a brand new holiday! Can you guess what it's called? National Press Freedom day! Yay!
Who the fuck do they think their fooling? Could they not have at least waited a few months for all this stuff to cool down before making this farce of a holiday?
When I got on my usual net hangouts today there were literally thousands of people working together to fight this clusterfuck of bullshit from the United States of Murrika by attacking the corporations that it works with. They had DDoS'ed both Visa and MasterCard's websites, successfully taking them offline. Twitter and Paypal were next on the list by the time I had to leave.
Another thing people are doing are creating carbon copies of the Wikileaks websites and hosting it on servers literally all over the world. People are hosting it on subdomains of their personal blog, people are hosting on of subdmains of major forums, and some people were even buying up brand new server space solely for hosting yet another copy of Wikileaks, and all of its leaked cables and documents. The U.S. government has made a feble attempt at silencing the dopplegangers too, but because of the sheer number of the copies, they seem to given up. I heard the number was somewhere in the tens of thousands.
Also I would like to note a couple things the mass media is reporting incorrectly. The first one being that the "hacktivists", as they call them, are directly fighting *for* Wikileaks. This is untrue. Though, yes, the majority of the people involved in the operations were were very much *for* what Wikileaks does, but a medium sized minority did not like what Wikileaks does at all, but what they liked even less was the United States censorship of information. The second one being this: The hackers are the good guys here. Not the U.S.
The passing of information or knowledge from one to another is human right. Not a civil, or political one, though the United States of America does not seem to realize this/care/give a fuck.
You may be thinking, "But why does Wikileaks do this?" The purpose of Wikileaks organization is to uncover, cover-ups, expose conspiracies, and ultimately, advocate and carry out actions that are in a effort to create or urge governments to be more clear and transparent for and to it's people.
A good example of what Wikileaks does would be an incident that happened I think sometime in 2007.
In the middle east, American forces killed a group of Reuters journalists, mistaking them for insurgents. The video camera in the helicopter that killed them caught the massacre. Reuters itself lobbied through the normal legal channels for years to have the video released to the public, the U.S. of course wanted to hide truth. When Wikileaks volunteers gained a copy of the video, they quickly posted an abridged version of the video to their website. The U.S. balked and then claimed that in the parts of the video that had been edited out, a man was carrying a rocket-propelled grenade launcher, or RPG. Under further investigation the RPG actually turned out to be a camera.
Because journalists never carry those around right?
In releasing these diplomatic cables, Wikileaks hopes to show The People of the world just what the U.S. thinks its supposed to keep secret, both from the planet, and its own people.
I am ashamed. I am ashamed to be born where I am. I am ashamed to have done the "pledge of allegiance" every day in school for years. I am ashamed of the flag on the front of my passport.
History books will be written about what happened this month, what they will say is up to us.

Maron, Germanic for Nightmare.

2011-01-10T16:12:00.000-05:00

[WRITTEN AT Mon 10 Jan 2011 03:32:52 AM EST ]
Tonight Maisie came to me while I was washing dishes. She talked with about a nightmare she had where Arnold Schwarzenegger was eating her hand. In turn, I told her of the nightmare I had had the previous night. I had finally gotten hired at a paying job. It was working at McDonalds. This was great except my boss was the same boss I had at subway, and I was getting everything wrong. Then for some reason I stopped to talk to some other worker who was taking a break. When I turned around there was a mountain of meat patties on the fryer waiting to be flipped. I looked to the left at my old/new boss who waved a finger at me and said with a smile on his face: "Kid you've got a lotta doin' to do."

I think I have officially graduated from children's dreams of movie stars eating my limbs to adult dreams of "OH NOES HOW I DOES PAY TEH BILLS???"

End of the worst decade ever.

2011-01-03T15:42:00.001-05:00

[WRITTEN @ Sun 02 Jan 2011 05:24:03 PM EST ]

Happy New Year reader, whenever you are.

Listening to the news on my radio. The American military is, as always, having issues, this time, in recruitment. It used to be that any ol' chap could join the ranks of the "few and the proud." Nowadays there are tests one has to pass before they hand you a p90. One of witch is an academic test, the other, a health and fitness. Problem is less and less Murrikan youth are able to pass the battery of tests consisting of math, reading, problem solving, and some other stuff I don't remember. (I hate that.) The people on the radio are blaming public schooling. The other problem is the health/fitness test. Murrikan youth are becoming too fat to pass those too.
Long story short, Murrikans are becoming too fat and too stupid to drive a tank and carry a gun.

On a brighter note, I was reading an article in TIME about the generational gap and I came across an interesting bit of information. It said that young people of our generation are just as likely to believe in (a) God, in miracles, or in an afterlife as the previous generation was. But this generation was almost twice as unlikely to go to church, pray, attend mass, or have any kind of specific religious affiliation as the last generation was. The author said something to the effect of "This means that the current generation is just as spiritual as last, but they seem to have lost faith in the institutions that claim to speak for them." The way to author wrote that makes it seems like she had lost faith in said institutions as well. I think of this as a good thing but not because I am an atheist, so don't think ill of me for it, as I am *not* one of those "militant atheist" douchebags. I think its a good thing because the majority of religious people use such institutions as an excuse to not think for themselves or be self-aware. If all of The People were to lose faith in these institutions and begin thinking for themselves, so much good could be accomplished.

In my opinion, if there were a God, no single mortal man, or most certainly no institution of all things, could not possibly claim to speak for such a being.

Today after coming home from a walk, I began work on a snow Pikachu. I had a large amount of it done, all of the body was done, all I need are ears, eyes and other details, I was going to finish it tomorrow. But Maisie and an obese friend of hers decided to "fix it" and add the details themselves. Holy fuck. Leave my shit alone. Goddamn I hate her. Oh yeah, her dad got her a prepaid cell phone. She immediately downloaded all kinds of ringtones and wallpapers, using up most of the phone's credit. Her dad called and gave my Mom hell for it. Then he proceeded to buy her 200 hundred more minutes worth of credit. And some CDs of rap.
I would like to remind the reader that her father constantly bitches at my Mom about not having any money, and that I did not ask for, or get a cell phone of my own untill I was 17. And when I did it was with my own money.

Odd physics glich just occurred in Halo: Reach. I shot a Grunt with the DMR and he flew straight up to the map ceiling at high speed and then fell to his death. I shot him once on his way back down but I'm pretty sure that it was the fall the killed him. I think that it was the large crate object he was touching at the time that caused the exception. I would tell Bungie but I know theres now way they would be able to replicate the event. Ah well. I guess a few lucky Reach players get to see Grunts fly. Us lucky few.

Apparently more than 1000 black birds died in mid-air and fell down on the town of Bebe, Arkansas, about half an hour before the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve.
Freaky.

Happy New Year reader, from me to you, and from 2011.

Fuck.

2010-12-30T17:51:00.000-05:00

I am so mad at myself.
I left my favorite set of gloves in the swap shed at the dump. We went in there to look at clothes. I picked up a blazer. Mom said to try it on so I did. Took off my gloves and jacket, put on the blazer, She said it looked great. I got my jacket and left leaving the gloves behind. Now they are sitting in the swap shed, the place where anything that is put inside if left for other people to pick up for free. Who would NOT pick of a pair of brand new, tasteful, artistic, grey gloves?
Mom gave me those for Christmas. I fucking love them. Now they are gone forever, off to be ruined by some redneck while working on a tractor or something.
I hate this. Those were my favorite gift from my Mom. I hate this.

"Chrishmis" 2010

2010-12-28T15:53:00.001-05:00

[WRITTEN @ Sun 26 Dec 2010 08:55:21 PM EST]

This was a really good Christmas. Biggest tree we've ever had. My Mom, Maisie and I woke and started shoving our gifts at each other. I kept freaking out over the gifts Maisie gave me that I made her wait to give me my next gift. She gave me the Halo: Legends DVD, and Megablocks Spartan from Halo, and a booster pack of Pokemon cards. She also gave me a card she made on her school computers that ha yellow tree decoration on the front and said "MERRY CHRISHMIS DREW OH HI Have a wonderful chrishmis". I gave her a guitar tuner and told her I would teach her a new chord when she got back from her Dad's. My Mom gave me a guitar capo, nice gloves, two cool scarfs, and the U2 album "War." I gave her a vertical photo frame with 3 photos in it, all from the Christmas tree lighting ceremony where she read "The Polar Express" to all who attended. The first photo was of Her, my grandma and grandpa sitting after her reading, second photo was of her reading on the stairway, last one was of Maisie with Mr and Ms.Claus. During that time my granparents visited, and so did David, driven by a nice health worker. I gave David a bag of sour gummie worms with a bow and both of our names on it. His first visit back to the house since he left was a lot better than expected. I thought it would be confusing and or traumatic for him but he just seemed happy to visit. He immediately cleaned us out of crackers, chips and other small snacks. After witch he ran around and made noise before eventually settling on the couch were he precoded to giggle and cuddle with me and Mom. (Though that took place some time after the events in the next paragraph.) Oh, and my friend Steve came over and dropped off some manga and anime and manga for me to watch-read. The anime being Neon Geninis Evangelion; End of Evangelion and the manga being Biomega volumes one and two. AND I got a $10 gift card to Bull Moose Music from Jim. I called him later and thanked him for it (After Mom "reminded" me to)
Maisie's dad came to pick her up to spend some Christmas time with the rednecks. When he got here he started rapping on the door really loudly and let himself in before he was even done rapping on the door or anyone even had a chance to let him in. Damn he's gotten fat. I went to my room and started plucking on my guitar as I really did not feel like being around him on such a great day. Maisie came down and said "Sorry Andrew" on the way the to bathroom. My Mom would later tell me that he proceeded to waltz right into her bedroom like that was normal after he let himself in. This was the first time he had been in our home since my mom kicked him out. After a small while he decided to come down to my room. He said hi and how are you and other smalltalk. He said I looked good. I was in pajamas and a ridiculous winter hat. He said my room looked neat. It was a mess. I mostly said "mm-hm" or something similar in acknowledgement. He asked me if I could find any jobs. I said no. I told me about the bad economy and how he was also unable to. Then he laid a twenty dollar bill on my nightstand/stool. "Buy yourself somthin' nice," he said. I don't know/remember if I said thank you or not, but I hope I did. "And-," I looked up at him. He was leaning against the doorway, he looked away at the far corner of the ceiling, his eyes were glassy and his voice had gotten choked up. "-I want you to know I'm sorry for the way I been." Without another word he quickly turned and walked down the hall, stopping briefly to look at Maisie's old room witch is now a closet.
That was messed up. I had no idea what to think of that. The person who ruined my family's lives for 7 years, especially Mom's, had just apologized to me, the person he disliked the most in this house. This person was the most backward of rednecks, the most aryan of racists, the most biggoted of homophobes, the most patriotic of Americans, the dumbest of the dumb. (Also he raped a woman at some point in history.) This was the person I hate for everything he did to Maisie, Mom and myself, and everything he ever stood for, and he just apologized to me. I have no idea what to make of this.

Later on we went over to Nana's for a kind of brunch. It was nice to visit, as mean spirited my grandmother was. The day before we had already went over to visit and get our christmas gifts. (All clothes.) I was at McDonalds beforehand and I called my Mom to ask if it would be better for me to just walk to Nana's from there since its so close and she would not have to stop to pick me up. She agreed. I went back to the counter and handed back to phone to a girl who worked at the McDonald's. She looked tired, maybe a little sad. I smiled and wished her Merry Christmas sounding as happy/nice as I could. She started to turn away, hesitated, then looking at the floor she made a small grin and wished me the same. That put a smile on my face for the rest of the night. I walked to Nana's, ate, got free clothes, talked for a while, then went home to wrap Mom and Maisie's gifts. After witch I played pokemon while listening to international news on the radio, then I went to sleep. I woke, and all the events that happened in the paragraphs above took place. Why did I tell this story backwards?
Yes I am a procrastinator. Shut the fuck up.
Today my Mom brought me to Bull Moose Music to spend my gift card, plus a little cash. I was really torn between various CDs, anime DVDs and Pokemon cards. I Storm and his girlfriend there and I chatted with them for a while. I ended up getting the Third Eye Blind album "A Collection" and, (at the suggestion of a skinny girl with a small green mohawk who I originally thought was a guy) the Less Than Jake album "Anthem." I really wanted to ask that girl if I could photograph her but its not like I own a camera. I really like all 3 CDs that I got this year but unfortunately the Third Eye blind CD skips constantly through all its songs so sadly I have to return it.
OH, but before all that we went to the dump and in the swap shed I found a really cool old radio. Its small, black, square, stands vertically, and is in perfect condition. It has a carrying handle, a really long antenna and can be plugged in or run on two AA batteries. I love this little thing. It sounds better and is louder than much newer digital clock-CD player-radio. I'm taking it with me when I go traveling. It was even already tuned to 91.3FM when I got it! Hahaha.
Even if we did not get to see my cousin's from New Hampshire this year, all and all, this was a really good Christmas.
Wow, its really snowing outside. I may not get to post this untill Wednesday. Shit, its exactly midnight. Once again I'm not at all sleepy.

Simone, Maisie, and Mom.

2010-12-20T15:50:00.005-05:00

[WRITTEN @ Sat 18 Dec 2010 11:32:13 PM EST]

Simone.

I am listening to "The Beatles Remastered" on 91.3FM. It is the day of being brought home from spending two days with Simone and going to a place called "Rollerworld." It's an old kind of roller rink that turns into a dance hall after 8PM. Its a lot bigger than I expected it to be. Though there were also a lot less people than I expected, and all but 2 other people (excluding me and Simone) were less than 17 years old. But thats not the point, it was a blast. I got to meet most of Simone's friends, they all seemed to like me well enough. The time I was able to spend with Simone was amazing. Dancing with her was greatness. All the music was, much to my distaste, mainstream rap and country, but I had so much fun with her It did not matter. We recorded a few videos on here Flip video camera too. We took a couple breaks from dancing and layed down together on some benches and talked with her friends. The last song of the night was thankfully a slow song, so we slow danced together. I don't remember what song it was but I do remember that we sang it together as we danced, foreheads touching. It was glorious.
At the end of the night we kissed one last time and walked out the door with all the little kids. Running cars with tired looking parents were all in a line outdoors. It was odd. It was as if they were in line to pick up their kids from school or day care. Both of her parents drove us home and we went down the basement of the new house they are building in their back yard and exchanged Christmas gifts. I gave her Star Wars Battlefront 2 for ps2, and two mix CDs that I worked very hard on. One was red and the other was green, one was called "Merry" and the other was called "Christmas." She gave me a red and black friendship bracelet that she made herself, a powder blue guitar strap, and and to sweet guitar picks. I have been needingslashwanting a guitar strap forever. I am so very very very very very terribly thankful that she got it for me. Seriously, you have no idea.
They next day Simone woke me up early and we spent the day in the basement playing video games and cuddling together. I brought my xbox with me and I showed her the wonder that is Halo: Reach. That game is amazing and I'm really glad she liked it.
Eventually dinner time came around we went inside, ate, and I watched videos she showed me on youtube of musical numbers from the movie "Repo! The Genetic Opera." After that we went back downstairs and I packed up my Xbox and guitar to go. We kissed one last time, twice. And then went up to the car. (Had to go back for my cell phone though.) They decided to drive me all they way back to my house and my Mom was very thankful for that, with us being dead broke and all. We secretly held hands the whole way back. I remember my Mom gave her parents some plants for making tea. Simone and I unloaded my stuff in my room, sat on my bed, chatted and kissed. Before they left I gave Simone back two manga's I had been borrowing from her and showed her parents my new room. After that they filed out. Simone mouthed "I love you" on her way out, I, sitting at the kitchen table, mouthed "I love you too" back to her. She closed the door and I watched them drive out of our driveway.
Ah yes, and before the dance Simone straightened my hair. The first time It had been straight in months. It looks great, not only did she do a great job with it, but it was fun having her do it too. I'm really happy that it's gotten so long. Normally you can't tell when its curly.

On a health note, my spine really hurt after the dance. My spine problem has not reared it ugly head in a while but it really hurt. Simone gave me a back rub that did thankfully help to take the edge of. Its times like this that a (very) tiny voice in the back my head tells me that I should have gotten the surgery, after all.

Oh my god, Simone's grin. Oh my god. Its indescribable.

Maisie.

I recently went to a Christmas concert of Masie's at her school, my old school. She played Clarinet. During the preformance Mr. Clark and Mrs. Gram (music teacher and principal repectively) put on raindeer antlers and did a dance to get people laughing. Things went bad during the middle of the concert though. I'm not sure if they were trying to play the same piece three times were attemptin to play three separate times, but the children messed up pretty bad on what ever they were trying to do three times over. AND a girl got a nosebleed and had to leave on the second mishapp. I felt really bad for them. Masie was not in that particuar piece though so I guess she was lucky.
Afterwards I was able to get a few shots of Masie playing a tune with a girl with a trumpet. I felt bad for this girl too, both of her eyes were lazy and her glasses were missing and arm. Though she was very nice, agreeable, and confident. Good for her.
We said goodbye to our grandparents and Maisie went into the music room for her to get her clarinet case and stuff. While I was waiting I watched a girl in a knee-lengh leather trenchcoat play a song from an old cartoon called The Peanuts on a piano. It was so cool, I wish I had skills like that. Another girl kept exclaiming about how much she wanted to hug the girl playing piano. The girl playing piano just glanced at her awkwardly and kept playing. Once everybody had left I tried to play the first few notes do some beethoven song I knew. I played it wrong. Maisie came over and played it perfectly. Apparently one of her friends showed her how.

Mom.

On December 3rd the town of Vassalboro held its annual tree lighting ceremony at the town fire station. The Vassalboro Community school choior and Mr. Clark came to sing "Oh Christmas Tree," light the tree, and then sing random Christmas songs until Santa and Mrs. Claus arrived on a fire truck. (On the way to the event I noticed Mr. Claus, Mrs. Claus a firetruck and the driver in a nearby church parking lot.)
After that we were all filed inside and seated in folding chairs setup in the fire station. A man stood in front of us all and played a tune on his guitar about Christmas, after witch he spoke about other holidays that happen during this time of year. Then he took us on a "moose hunting trip" by having us panta-miming various movements in our seats like walking cimbing trees and stuff. Or at least he was trying to do all these things. There were about 20-25 rows of seats, out of that, the only people who were paying any attention to the man what so ever were the 5 people closest to him in th front row. Everybody else decided to all talk to each other very loudly and not control their kids, letting them run rampant. Were none of them wondering WHY they had been herded into rows of seats all facing the same direction? Did nothing occur to any of them at all? Did they all think that they were all there at that specific date and time just to shoot the shit? Fucking assholes. I hate rednecks. What made matters worse is that the old Quaker man had no idea what was going on because he was about as deaf as the rednecks were loud. A couple event organizers kept trying to signal to him that his show was not working out but he never noticed.
Then came my Mom's turn. She was chosen by some guy at the town hall to read the "Polar Express" to everybody this year. Before she went up she turned to me and said "I have a plan." She took the mic off its stand and went halfway up a staircase that led to an upstairs office. She began by introducing herself very loudly and then giving all the kids in the room some directions. I don't remember what the exact words were but the directions were basically "Kids, tell your parents to shut the fuck up and ring the bells Santa gave you every time I say the word 'bells' while I am reading the story." With this she found a way to grab, and keep the kids attention and also tell all the adults they are being assholes too. She tought all of that all up right there on the spot too. Santa and Mrs. Claus gave tiny bells to all the kids upon thier arrival. (I kinda wanted one.) She can really Think on her feet.
Her reading of the Polar Express went great and I snapped a few photos of her too, but only a couple came out any good. Afterwars a man came up to her and asked weather or not she knew what "that top thing was that Jewish people spin" was. My Mom answered "Dradile?" and he said "Yes! I knew you would know what it was!" and walked off without another word.
Cool guy.

And in other news...

I've recently went out and got new dirt/grass for my snail tank. Unfortunately I lost the cap to the tank in the process and one of my snail's...has escaped.
I'm sad. I keep imagining it lost, scared, alone, and most of all cold, in the depths of the house. I had covered the top of the tank with saran wrap and held it down with duc-tap. I have no idea how he/she could have gotten out.

I think my stick of lucky bamboo is finnaly dieing. It lived, and even florished, in just a tiny vase of water for more than seven years. But then its main stem started to turn black and rot. I cut off its only branch and put it in a another vase of water. It grew new, big leafs. But eventually those started to wilt too. So I went out to a pile of compost/cowpoop across the road and filled the vase with it, along with the small branch. Two new small leaves have sprouted but those too are starting to yellow, along with an outer husk that has grown around the branch. I asked my Mom for a special light bulb that gives off Vitamin D for Christmas. Hopefully that can save him. I really don't want Lucky to die.
Yes, its name is Lucky.

One of my Mom's friends, has broken up with his girlfriend and in now staying with us for "a couple days." That was last week. Hes a really nice guy, intimidating, but nice. Theres nothing wrong with it but its kinda disconcerting to be living with someone who you know to have killed people during gunfights in faraway countrys.

I am atsronomicly disgusted on levels I never thought possible.

2010-12-13T15:22:00.005-05:00

At this point in history, a "whistleblowing" website exists called Wikileaks. Over the past couple weeks it has been releasing U.S. government cables that contain communications between U.S. government officials. Cables that were previously not available to the public. The things that were said in these cables was not vital data or top secret information was in these cables. Nothing that, if made public, people would die, get hurt, or agents cover would be blown. What was in the cables are conversations between U.S. officials and other U.S. officials or U.S. officials and foreign officials. The things that are discussed between said parties are for the most part, just their thoughts of other governments and/or countries. Most of witch ruffled the feathers of foreign parties. So Hillary Clinton, our current secretary of state, had to make calls around to various countries saying that they are probably not going to like what these leaked cables are saying about them.
To make it more understandable, one can equate it to five girls. Split these girls into three groups, two groups of two, and the last one by herself. The girls of two in the first two groups each have a cell phones. The two girls in the first group are constantly gossiping about the the two girls in the second group via text message, and vice versa. Now, one day, the fifth girl finds out about the first group gossiping about the other group behind their backs. This fifth girl thinks this is wrong, and so she sneaks the text messages about the girls in the second group, from the cell phones of the girls from the first group, and publishes it all in a public viewing spot. Other people (unrelated to the girls in question) see the test messages and think "Hm, looks like those two girls from group one said some shit about the girls from group two." And then these people go on with their lives. The girls from group two come by and one says, "You two sure said a few mean things about us." The girls from group one apologize. The other girl from group two says "You should see what we say about you" (For the record, that is an actual quote from a foreign diplomat in reply to Hillary Clinton's apology.)
Little, if any harm, is actually done. After that life goes on, right? FUCKING WRONG. Now the girls from group one are stealthy waging war on the fifth girl. They take all her lunch money, they spread rumors about her, they turn all her friends against her, they make the bus driver agree not to let her ride the bus home anymore, they tell her parents that she did horrible things so when she gets home she will be in loads of trouble with her parents. Then to top it all off they go back to school and start a new school tradition that one day out of every school year will be "Honesty day." A day where everyone is clear and honest about what they think of each other, so they may sensibly resolve their issues with one another in a civil manner, and move on with life.
Guess what? That is exactly what is going on in the real world right now. The first group of girls representing the United States of Murrika, and the fifth solitary girl representing WikiLeaks and its founder Julian Assange.
The U.S. government is flustered as all hell like a little school girl about the leaked documents. They are calling WikiLeaks a terrorist organization and is working to get it effectively wiped off the Internet. They "put pressure" on Visa, Mastercard, and Paypal, (services that WikiLeaks gets donations through) to cut off their accounts with WikiLeaks. And they did.
At the same time, Amazon, WikiLeaks's webshost, dumped them without warning. (Once again under pressure for the gov.) Their domain name provider deleted the "wikileaks.org" domain too. (guess why?) And now suddenly Sweeden is wants to prosecute Julian Assange in a rape case. (gee. wonder where that came from?) Assange is currently in a London prison.
When I got on my usual net hangouts today there were literally thousands of people working together to fight this clusterfuck of bullshit from the United States of Murrika by attacking the corporations that it controls. They has successfully DDoS'ed both Visa and MasterCard's websites. Twitter and Paypal were next on the list.
[FINISHED A COUPLE DAYS LATER]The media is misinterpreting the whole situation badly. The think hackers are from Wikileaks or Wikileaks supporters/staff. Why media workers so stupid? The "hackers" are not connected to Wikileaks at all. They are a entirely separate group people. The mass media also reports that the hackers are doing all of this specifically because used the U.S. use the companies it controls to attempt to silence Wikileaks. This is is wrong. The hackers did all of this not because the government used the companies it controls to attempt to silence Wikileaks but because the government used the companies it controls to censor information on the Internet. Many of the people taking part in the attacks hate what Wikileaks has done, but still either support their right to do so, or hate that the "free" government of the Untied States is censoring anybody at all.

Kind of like the whole "I don't support what you are doing but I support your right to do it" thing.

And heres another thing that the media is mis-interpreting: They're the good guys.**

**Just so that there is no confusion, I mean the hackers when I say good guys.

What does this say about our government? What does this say about our state of mind and thought? It disgusts me, all of it. Sometimes I think, "I want to move to Canada." But then I remember that a Canadian politician called on the U.S. to assassinate Julian Assange.
Now what does THAT say about our government?
[FINISH THIS LATER]

Fox

2010-12-04T17:48:00.001-05:00

[WRITTEN @ Thu 02 Dec 2010 08:53:39 PM EST *Thats actually a good estimate but I forgot to put a timestamp before I got halfway through.]

Yesterday I was walking around Waterville waiting for my Mom to come pick me up when a friend of mine, Morgan, poped out of a store called Happy Trails right in front of me. I decided to follow him untill he noticed me. We got about half way up Main Street untill he turned around, looked at me, looked forward, did a double take and then waved at me furiosly untill I got close to him. We walked to a bank together and he cashed a check he got from selling old guitar equipment. Outside he saw someone he knows and stopped to talk to him about it. He asked the guy (he called him Chief) if he wanted a old guitar tuner that Morgan did not want anymore. The guy said no, I said I did, and he gave it to me. SUCSESS! Now I have a perfect Christmas present for Maisie! And I'm bringing her to the movies for her birthday so now I don't have to worry about her anymore.
I called my Mom she forgot what time she was picking me up witch is why she was late, so Morgan who was going to Belfast to pick up him mom from work said he would bring me home, he just had to go get gas frist.
Morgan is a funny as hell person to ride with. He screams obsinitys at other drivers that you will only her once in your life. The following is a direct quote:
"AHH! TUUUUUURN. FUCKING TUUUUUUUUUUURN ALREADY! I'LL HIT YOU WITH MY 8 POUND DICK! I'll KILL YOUR KIDS, BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE, RAPE YOUR DOG AND BEAT YOUR GRANDMA!!!" I was laughing so hard I was crying. I'm laughing now as I type this.
When we got to the gas station I looked at the magizines. There as all the typical gossip/tabloids but then there was randomly 5 American comics. 2 of witch was Sonic the Hedgehog. Now my friend Kj LOVES the Sonic the Hedgehog games, and he lived nearby so we knew we had to get it. He bought it, along with a Arizona Iced Tea for me, and we drove to KJ's house. When we got in the drive way I told Morgan to drive his van right up close to the steps instead of parking in a space. He did and I went up on the steps, knocked, his mom came, I asked if Kj was there. She said yes but hes in his pajamas. He came to the door almost hiding behind it. I said in a deep voice "KJ. Get in the van." Morgan beeped the horn and yelled in his raspy/nasaly voice. "Get in the van KJ!" We laughed and Morgan walked up, gave him the comic, we talked for a while. I told KJ I wanted to hang out sometime soon and we left.*
He brought me home, he used the bathroom and he left. I really do wanna hang out with KJ soon. I don't hang out with my friends as much as I should. But even on days that I have nothing going on I just don't feel like it or I don't think of it. Plus all my friends live far away in Winslow, so I have to ask my Mom to use gas if I want to see any of them. When I was friends with the twins it was easy for me to hang with them, all I had to do is walk down the road. Now speaking of those guys...

( like my segway? ;D )

Today I woke up around 11:27AM and decided that later in the day I would bring over somthing to Jim's house that I had been meaning to bring over for a while.
I while back Jim had given me a old computer that had once belonged to him, that he next handed down to Donald, witch later got put in a closet, and was now given to me. I was planning to turn it into a dedicated linux desktop machine but I remembered that there was probably a bunch of old family photos or stuff on both Donald's and Jim's accounts. So I took out the hard drive and plugged it into one of my Windows XP machines. I looked through the drive a found photos and videos of Donald and Ernest when they were really little on Jim's account. Around ages 9-11 I think. He even had videos on there too. One of Donald rolling around in his room, one of some demolitions explosion at a constructoin site. On Donald's account I found a bunch of drawings made in Microsoft Paint of space, futureistic citys, red and blue stickmen killing eachother, grey stickmen with guns getting killed by neon green stick people-demon things, a couple letters to Santa, and some old stuff of mine that I had left on his computer years ago. It was a few cropped panels from scanned pages of a old Pokemon manga. I gave them to him because I edited what the characters were saying in the panels to make it dirty. Though there were misspellings every where and some stuff does not even make any sence. There were a couple images of female characters where I had erased the shirt off them (With MS Paint) so it looked like were half naked but had nippleless boobs. We thought they were funny so I gave copys to Donald.

Being 12 was fun.*

Anyway, I gathered all the files I could find off the drive and put them all in a directory called "Mass Transfer." Then I put it on a thumbdrive and after Mom brought Maise home from the bus stop I set out to the twin's old house to give the files to thier dad, Jim. On my way down the first hill leaving home, I saw a dead, fully grown, Red Fox, laying mangled on the side of the road. He had been hit, not run over. There was no blood. His legs were spraled out insead of being curled up, he or she might have been sleeping if it were not for his or her face.

The fox's jaws were wide open, wider than they would be if the fox yawned, ezsposed were lots of tiny, sharp, teeth. (I'm just going to say its a he from now on.) The one eye I could see was squinting, though I could not see the eye it self. In its place was a flat, not round, black, filmy surface. I think this means he was hit so hard his eye(s?) actually ruptured. Who the hell would hit a fox? I've seen people in this town hit all kinds of animals on poupose like turtles, snakes, ravens, pidgins, turkeys, cats, deer, but seriously, a FOX? I hope it was an accident. The only other times I had ever seen a fox was when it was running away. (Exept this one time near the sewage plant when a baby one froze with fear for a minute before dissappearing.) I was sad that this was the first time I had seen a fully grown fox. After a while, I walked on.

Once I got to town I went to the bank to check to make sure that $5.11 had been transferd to my bank account from my paypal account. The tranfer had been made, I left the bank and back tracked a small distance to Jim's house. (I have to pass thier house to get to the bank. Outside the house, I turned off my music and took a deep breath. I noticed thier dog, Bow-g, was in his little house looking at me. That dog used bark at literally everything that moved, even dead leaves blowing in the wind. He used to bark at me no matter how many times I went over. Why was he not barking now? Maybe hes grown old.

I opened the porch door and went inside, taking another deep breath, I knocked on the real door. "Come in!" I heard Donald's voice call, like I had heard a million times before. I opened the door enough to poke my head in. There sat Donald in a black reclining chair, shirtless, legs covered in a green blianket they had owned for years, he was useing a school owned laptop, on top of its case, in his lap. He looked up. His eyed practically bugging out of his head, the muscles in his shoulders visibly tensed up. I smiled, "Jim around?" I asked. His eyes dimed, he looked down, he shook his head no. "..wait" he said under his breath. Cocking his still downturned head in the direction of his dad's door, "Dad?" he called loudly. A gruff "yuhh" returned his call. Jim came though the door. He geeted me. "You know that computer you gave me?" I said, pulling the thumbdrive out of my pocket and flicking out the retractable drive port like a switchblade knife. "What?" He said, I repeated myself and he said "Yeah?" "Well I found a bunch of old family photos and some videos on the harddrive and I figured you'd want them." "Oh thanks he said." It seemed like some invisible force was keeping me fromw walking any more into the house than I already was, so I just stood there awkwardly in the middle of the roon holding out the thumbdrive. "Want me to put it on one of your computers?" I said guestering to both of the rooms that I knew had a computer in them. "No," he said,"thanks okay" Taking the drive from my hand he says, "I kin do it an give it to your mother when she comes over." He walked to the kitchen door way. "Its all in a folder called mass transfer, copy the contents of that folder and you should be good." "Thanks." He said looking over the thumbdrive from the kitchen walkway. "If I find any other files on the drive I'll let you know." "Okay." He says. "See ya." I say, and walk out the door. Seeing my former best friend for the first time in a year went better than expected.

Outside, Bow-g has actually come out of his dog house and was standing as far out as his line would let him. I went up to him, knelt down and sarted to pet and rub his head. "Hey Bow-g. You don't remeber me do you? Why arern't you barking?" A voice asks: "Liked it, doesnt he?" I look up. An old man in a big, dull orange, puffy, fur trimmed, parka was out walking his tiny weiner dog like I have often seen him doing over the years. His tiny dog had a similar green jacket. "Yeah." I reply. "He probleh donesnt get enough attention." "Probably not." I reply. The man walks off with his tiny wiener dog yipping at Bow-g. Bow-g makes no noise as I pet him. I stand up and look down at him, still petting his head, his butt and back legs were shivering really bad. "Your shivering! Why don't they let you inside?"** I say. I bend down again and he looks into my eyes for a moment, and then walks away. I stand, turn on my music, and start walking back home.

Its getting dark. I can see a red light from a radio tower on a hill in the distance where the sun is setting. Yellow and orange reflect off the clouds behind the hills. The song "So Here We Are" by Bloc Party is playing. I realize that I am almost at the point were I saw the dead fox earlier. For some reason I want to find him again. I go to the other side of the road and run along it a bit, then I feel like I've gone to far and I run back down a road a ways untill it becomes apparent that I've gone to far back, and I double time it forward along the road again.

I find him just as the song ends. I take my earbuds out just and cup one of my hands around it so the next song cannot be heard and just the sound of the wind can. I keel down beside him. "You must have been so full of life." I say aloud. "I'm so sorry we did this to you." I want to bury the fox in the field, but dean animals would carry all kinds a diseases. Instead I decide to put a circle of rocks around
him. I find a few big ones around but not enough to create more than one quarter of a circle. Keeling down, I do that thing priests do when the make the shape of a cross by waving their hands from their shoulders, to their sternum, then down to their belly button. "I don't belive in god" I think, "but he might have."*** I walk out to the middle of the road like to fox must have before his death. I put on some happy music, and walk homeward bound down the middle of the road untill to cars force me off.

I got home, started typing this, Simone calls, I talked to her for a couple hours, and went to sleep. A day later, after the town Christmas tree lighting ceremony, (witch I will talk about in my next post) I finally finished this post. This was a long one.

[*Talked to Simone on the phone and went to sleep. WRITING RESUME @ Fri 03 Dec 2010] 11:19:45 PM EST]
**My Mom later tells me that this is because every time they bring Bow-g inside he instantly waits at the door to be let back out.
***This means I'm losing my sanity.

"You are my Sunshine."

2010-11-29T12:22:00.002-05:00

[WRITTEN @ Sun 28 Nov 2010 03:11:54 PM EST]

Okay heres the deal.

I do not believe in omens, seerers, or magic of any kind. Nor will I ever. But it seems as though things refuse to stop reminding me of choices I have yet to make. The world keeps very oddly specific references to said choices. Both of these things involve travel. The idea is to pick one of these two plans and put it into action at the end of winter, for obvious reasons like warmer temperature.

The first choice is this: One of my Mom's friends helps me achieve a goal of mine witch is to travel to Japan by sending me to stay with a friend of his in Kobe. But I have no way to get the ridiculous amount of money to do so.

OR

The other choices is this: Take the information that Simone's mom gave me about how cheap rail travel is and go traveling around some of New England a lot of South Eastern Canada. Get off at semi-random stops, not knowing is what in each city or where I will sleep every night. A real adventure.** Once again though, I would need a ridiculous amount of money. The rail tickets are cheap, and so are hostels. Though food is not, and it would all inevitably add up.

Though the second choice would cost a lot less, but that makes little difference from my perspective. From my persecutive someone with fifty dollars is a rich man indeed.

Oh yeah, I forgot to say that it snowed a few days ago. pretty cool. Hopefully it stays. When I got in the car to drive home from the library I looked at the abandoned barn across the road. I saw the image of frozen snow on the roof at the botton where tan and grey plants stood with snow on the ground around them, and the sun setting in the grey sky behind the barn house. It was beautiful so I grabbed my Mom's camera and snapped as many photos that the outdated and tiny memory card could hold.

When I got on the the net a few days ago I saw a huge number of people in my usual channels of communication and web hangouts were collectively organizing a DDoS attack on the webserver that housed the informational website of government of North Korea. Obviously in reaction to North Korea's unprovoked attack on South Korea. Sometime last week North Korea rained down artillery fire on a South Korean island, killing two military personnel and two civilians. If it were any other two countries the death of a single military person would mean the quick organization of the country's army. Hell, the single death of a civilian would mean the instant invasion, bombing and general destruction of the attacking country. But because its North Korea, and they have nukes, and everybody knows it, just not "officially", that means that they can fuck with who ever they want, kill who ever they want, and all they rest of the world can do is look down and say "Now that wasn't very nice North. Now go put yourself in time-out, okay?"

Where have our morals gone?

Oh, and that DDoS was successful as far as I can tell. When I got everyone has been firing at the server computer in North Korea for a while and when I tried to access it the connection timed out. To that I say good job gentlemen. Sorry I was unable to take part.

**[Left on an impulse to go sledding down the road after dusk, than ate dinner. WRITING RESUME @ Sun 28 Nov 2010 06:04:41 PM EST ]

Train Man

2010-11-06T15:22:00.001-04:00

[Written @ Thu 04 Nov 2010 10:27:22 PM EDT ]

Listening to "In Tune by Ten" on the radio, while thinking about how I could stay in contact with Mom and Maisie while riding the rails and weather or not most trains had wifi. After they played Neil Young - Love and War, they played 2 songs about traveling by train.

Guess that means its time to go.

[Written @ Thu 04 Nov 2010 11:18:51 PM EDT ]

The only candy I got this Halloween was from my sister. And I'm okay with that.

I could not really "go" now like things I keep seeing around me are telling me to, as the dead of Winter is almost upon us. Thus, it would be unsafe to travel at such a time.
Of course, thats almost bullshit, the real reason would be the same reason for me not being able to anything.
Money.
I'm planning on finding stuff to sell. I have an old wireless keyboard and mouse that I bought on an impulse for $85 at staples a few years back, but I never used it for more than a week. I found that I never moved my keyboard or mouse far enough away from my computer (or at all) for it to matter. And constantly replacing batteries was troublesome. I think I bought it somewhere between the ages of 14 and 16. Probably the latter. I'll put an ad for the keyboard and mouse on craigslist and on the Waterville library's bulletin board. Though that library is currently running out of its basement as the rest of it is being renovated, and I don't think they brought the bulletin board with them from upstairs. Dang.

I also need to call Subway. When I went to go get my check from there, Storm was working and he called the manager to ask where my checks were. (Though I though I only had one check for me?) When he called him he had to say my first name once, then my full name because the manager could not remember who I was. Storm told me the manager said that checks were put in the mail that very day because I had waited more than two weeks to go get them. So Storm got me a book he was letting me barrow from his trunk and I left.

This all occurred a few weeks ago. I don't exactly remember how many weeks ago this was but its been more than 3. I'm 99% sure of that. My towns mail has always been slow, but this is not right. He must have written my address wrong or something. I need to call them and figure out whats going on, I need the checks for my taxes and my Mom needs the paystubs for foodstamps. If I don't get those checks from the manager then my whole family will be seriously fucked over, both legally and living situation wise.

Salem

2010-11-03T16:39:00.003-04:00

Today is the day that I have returned home from my journey to Salem, Massachusetts. Simone, her mother, and one of her friends, brought me there for Halloween, one of my favorite Holidays.

It is the first time I have been on a train from many years. The last time I was on a train I was some where in the ages of 8 to 10. It was in an open-air car on a small railway in Bellfast. All it did was take kids in a circle for Hallween.

We parked after a long drive in the lot of a station in Ipswitch. It would be a while before the train got there so we walked down to a convenience store Simone's mother got us both a drink. Wanting to try something new, I picked a "energy drink" tea by Arizona. Simone got a Code Red Mountain Dew. Like always, the "energy drink" gave me no energy boost to it what so ever, and, as much as I hate soda, Simone's Mountain Dew tasted a lot better. We walked across the street, Simone's mom went to the bathroom in a restaurant and we walked back to the station parking lot Simone and I sat in the car. I played a little Pokemon Yellow Version and while leaning my head on Simone's lap. Her mother, Deb, and her friend, Charles, stood outside the car and talked. After a while Deb said the train would be here soon so I saved my game, we left the car, and we walked up to the station platform. I remember at certain points during this part that I thought about how odd it was that an expensive car like the one that was there would be left alone in a train station parking lot. Same goes for a few bikes that were there. Most of witch were left unchained, was that not safe?

I'm not sure how long we waited at the platform, maybe 15 to 25 minutes, 30 tops, but even the wait was fun. I talk with Deb for bit about train tickets and prices. Simone was wandering around on the other end of the platform and I went to talk with her. When I walked up to her I saw a gangster on the ground below staring up at her with a ticked look on her face. She told me this fact and it scared her, but after a while he walked away to get his friends. Simone and I talked and took photos while we eagerly awaited the train, she took some photos of me that I really liked and there was this one photo of her self that she took that takes my breath away. She does not like that one so much, I haven't the foggiest idea why.

The train was purple and silver, and had orange advertisements stating that the passenger cars have Wifi provided by ATNT. It came into the station backwards and we all got on. The train ride to Salem was shorter than the car ride to station.

[ I am going to write the rest of this later as a horrible sharp pain right behind my right eye has erupted and I feel sick to my stomach. I can only pray that I will remember all the wonderful things that happened this weekend when I come to write the rest of this again. @ Tue 02 Nov 2010 12:26:46 AM EDT ]

[Resume writing @ Wed 03 Nov 2010 01:02:44 AM EDT ]

We got on the train with 10 to 15 other people. Simone had recorded me watching the train roll into the station and showed me the video when we sat down. A conductor came and Deb pair for our tickets. She commented on how cheap they were. $5 USD for each of us. The train ride was not something magical like I had wished (yet knew it would not) it would be. But the whole ride I had a smile on my face the whole time. I've always loved trains, ever since I was a kid. The inside of the train was kind of like a nice bus. I was sitting backwards on the train so it looked like the trees were falling or flying away from me. At one point we did not know if one of the stops was our so I went and asked a woman with large sunglasses who was getting on the train if this was the Salem station. She said "No. This is Beverly." I remember we rode by a small harbor and Simone when poked fun at me when I got excited over the sight of the ocean and small sea ships. I'm so stuck and locked in with my current lot in life. I never get to travel at all. I don't have the means to do so. The farthest I usually travel is just the library up the road.
I hate that.

When the stop for Salem finally came we got off in what seemed like a low area, like, the station was on real ground level, where as the rest of the city was not. Like the city it self was built upon some great platform. The train started to move again into a tunnel that seemed to run deep into the bowels under the city. As it did I walked onto the yellow strip, that your supposed to stay off when trains are moving, and touched it. I've always wanted to touch a moving train. When I did, a conductor yelled at me "DON'T DO THAT BUDDY" or something to that effect. Being a conductor seems like a adventurous job.

We followed the rest of the former passengers up a flight of stairs. I could barely see anything because of the crowd, but right as I reached the top the crowd parted, and my jaw dropped. Before me was a four lane street that ended with a sidewalk wrapped around huge, beautiful, buildings. Old buildings touching brand new ones without disturbing or dejecting each other. An abrupt, loud and ugly buzzer blared and people started crossing the street. I was confused for a moment as I had never even heard of buzzers being used to direct people when to cross the street. We crossed and walked to a street to where we saw hundreds of people gathered. At least 90% of the people were in a costume of some sort, and the buildings streets were appropriately decorated for Halloween. Many were taking photos of costumes that were really great. We spent 80% of our time in Salem just walking around and looking at the people and the festivities. It was so much fun. One of my favorite things was the fact that many of the people I saw were *not white*. I saw Asian people every where and quite a few black people too. I also saw a few Indian people and a one Native American. I never overheard a single one of the Asian people speaking English once! Most off them were speaking Mandarin, and I heard a couple speaking Korean. I heard many of the Indian people speaking Indian too. Their language sounds so complex its mind boggling. I was really excited at seeing people who were not just clones of each other, people who were not just one white-Christan-redneck after another. People who we different from me, people who were different from each other. And all lived, worked, thrived, and celebrated together without hesitation. I love it. I wondered how so many different people from all over the world (and from so many separate cultures) managed to congergate in this one place together. Simone and her mother made fun of me for getting excited about the Asians.

When we got hungry we went to a medium sized restaurant where many people were still in full costume while eating, though we had to wait outside for a while to get a table because it was so busy. We got seated at a lone table in a corner on the far side of the restaurant. We all had to use the bathroom. Deb and Charlie went first then me and Simone. There was a line to get into the bathroom too so we had to wait. This was good though because it gave us a chance to do something we had been wanting to do all day. When I sat down on a bench to wait, I looked up at her. She smiled at me, shifting her weight from side to side, foot to foot. I smiled back at her. She leaned in, and we kissed. Afterwards she clenched her fist in front of her and exclaimed "Finally!" I loved that kiss. I hope I remember it forever, but its already fading away. I remember that I ordered a bacon cheese burger, and Simone got just a cheese burger, but did not finish it, so I ate the rest.

We talked, looked at costumes and finished our meals. Towards the end of the meal I saw a guy around my age in full Mark 4 Spartan armor from the Halo video game series. I wanted bear hug that guy. Definitely my favorite costume there. When we were leaving I said to him "I gotta say, great costume." He said "Hey thanks man." I think. I can't remember. I hate that.

[ Its late, and I'm tired of hearing about how conservatives/republicans are taking over the House/Senate on the radio, I wanna hear real news. I'll finish the rest when I go to post it tomorrow at the library. Wed 03 Nov 2010 02:23:15 AM EDT ]

[Writing Resume @ Wed 03 Nov 2010 04:40:27 PM EDT ]

I also saw a girl doing a great Ciel Phantomhive cosplay when we visited a small mall. I complimented her on the cosplay. It was really well done.

After more walking around and looking at costumes We ended up at part of a small harbor. It had these two man made, square, peninsulas for ships to dock on. The longer one had a small lighthouse at the end. We walked out about half way on it when I started running to the end of it. I ran on the very edge of it. On the wooden barrier that holds up the dirt. Its was so much fun, and I did not falter or lose my footing once. I ran to the very end of it and jumped to an abrupt stop. I sat down and looked out, over the bay.

It was a great moment.

After that we pretty the rest of the day was filled with just walking around, looking at costumes, and a visit to the Salem Witch Trial Museum. Witch was pretty informative, but a lot of the stuff I already knew from middle school.

At night we went to a Dunkin Doughnuts and Deb bought me a hot coco, my favorite drink in the world. Actually Deb had paid for everything on the trip, and I am so thankful for that. Me and Simone sat on some granite and listened to a cover band play some old classic rock tunes while Charles and Deb went and ate hotdogs. The drummer was dressed up as a character to the Mario games. We saw a zombie rock out and dance to the music. Simone recorded video of him. At some point during all this, Simone and I kissed again. Another perfect moment. She said she felt like she was in a movie or a musical. I agree. We did a little more walking around, and then decided to leave the festivities. The train ride home was nice. Simone got the window seat this time. She showed me how it was so dark outside the you could not see a single thing passing by, it was like some swirling sea with out light. I remember when th computer voice called for our stop it said "Ipswish" instead of "Ipswitch." Simone and I found this hilarious. I wish the train ride was a little bit longer though. We got back to the station and I waved goodbye to the train. I feel asleep twice on the drive home. Once sitting up, and once on Simone's boob.
Sorry, Simone.

This was probably the greatest day slash weekend I have had in a very long time, if not ever.

How to have more friends: Smoke weed.

2010-10-14T16:39:00.003-04:00

I am sitting outside "The Center" building on Main Street in Watervile. Right now I can see my biological father moving stuff around in the right display window of his store. My real father. The one I have not had contact with is more than a decade. (And lets keep it that way.) I first saw him around 15 minutes ago I think walking from his car, and into his store, twice. My first thought was "Wow his hair is white" My second was "Damn hes short."
Funny thing is, I smiled at that thought. I'm not scared or having some episode of PTSD or anything. In fact, I'm fine. Not sure what to think of this.

A few moments afterward a kid around my age rode by me on a really cool, orange, old-style bike, he has a short hair cut, and a black leather jacket, the kind I would wear if I had the money. From this distance I can see that he has a lazy eye/eye problems. He greets me as he passes and I do that same. I watch him and his bike ride away. I look to my crappy, hot pink and purple, 80's bike. "Wanna trade bikes?" I call after him. He turns around and rides back up to the outdoor table I am sitting at. He says "I know I sound like a goober, but my mom got this for me for Christmas for a hundred and (something) bucks and shes a bitch. If I trade or do anything to this bike she will be a cunt for the rest of my life." I laugh. I think I said something back, I've already forgotten what it was. And then we went back and fourth for another moment. Fuck, what did we say to each other? I hate that.
He asks me my name, "Drew." I say. "Alright well I'm Justin. Nice meeting you man." he says, and rides off into the street. I said one last thing back and he was gone, though I cannot recolect what that was either. I figure I should recored this moment so I start to login to this blog when he comes back a few minutes later. "Hey I just remeber'd, do you smoke weed?"
"No."
"Oh, well I know a place where we could have gotten baked"
He starts to slowly wheel his bike in the other direction from witch he came.
"I know a place, a supply" He says.
I laugh and reply "I'll keep that in mind."
Practically singing it he says "You can get high on your own supply~"
I laugh, and look back at my blog entry. He rides off, around the police station. Poor kid. He is mentally sound but he has a speech problem that makes him sound ridiculous, and one of his eyes is lazy, and they both twitch so much its like they vibrate. So even if there is nothing wrong with his head, everybody will think there is.
By now, in the time it took me to write all this my father has left his store and driven off in his expensive car with Sarah Pailen Stickers all over it. I hope he dives of the bridge.
And just now, a small woman with short grey hair who is in town for a show at the Waterville Opera House asked me where the Jorgensens coffe shop was. I got up from the table, walked around the building, pointed and said "Its right being where all that construction is going on." She smiled and said thank you. Nice person.

Oh yeah I forgot to say that the reason I'm in Waterville today is because I'm looking for another job. There a new Chinese place opening up. I'm going to call them.

[EDIT] Oh yeah I forgot to say that I saw Marsha leaving the store. Marsha is a employee of my fathers. She is old yet has long, straight, blond hair. Seeing her is strange because she seems like not aged a day since I last saw her more than a decade ago. Even though I only vaguely remember her.

Grandfather

2010-10-12T16:03:00.002-04:00

WRITING OF THIS ARTICLE COMPLETE ON Tue 12 Oct 2010 01:10:33 AM EDT
Note: My grandfather's birthday was actually the 11'th.

Today is my Grandfather's birthday. My mother and sister and I went over to his house today with a cake that she made and a 5 page card that she bought at Rite Aid on the way there. We got there and ate the cake with him and my Grandmother. We talked about China, Hong Kong, Uncle David, and some other things I don't remember. I hate that. I wish I knew my Grandfather more than I do, but my senile Grandmother keeps him locked up like a gay child in a southern home. Wow, 80 years old. And to think I am unable to fathom myself living past the age of 22.
Afterwards my mom dropped me off on Main street in Waterville. I walked around the area and asked the usual places (that were open) and asked if they were hiring. One other Rite Aid that had recently opened up said they were "taking applications", what ever that meant. I took one and sat down outside, against the building, and filled it out. Meanwhile people I knew from my High School drove in with their cars, went inside and bought some junk food and left. Giving me odd looks on their way in and out. Thats just so unfair. Why do I have to be constantly reminded by all these rich, vapid, mindless people that I keep tying to put in my past? Its bad enough that they all had to lord the fact that they have all kinds of money more than back in High School.
I walked back inside and handed the job application to the highest ranking worker present. the hiring manager was on vacation. Afterwards I was walking back to Jorgensen's where me and my mom planned to meet when I walked by a Asian food restaurant. I never tried applying there before because it seemed like a family thing, but I figured I'd give it a go. I walked in and an older woman with a thick accent said "Can I help you?" I asked if they were hiring for any hours. She asked what I was doing before and I explained that I was currently working at Subway but they only seem to call me when someone is sick. She asked me about what I did there and a few other things that I don't remember. She said I could not make food because Asian food is different from Asian food. We laughed. She asked for my name and number, I gave them to her. She said that if there was something that nobody wanted to do, she might have me do it. As I was walking out, a man, who I assume was her husband, said something to me. "What?" I answered. "Anytime?" the woman asked for the man. I said yeah and left with a smile and a "Have a nice day!" I really hope they call me for some work. Even if its only for one or two hours every couple weeks. I would *love* to work at a restaurant comprised and owned by Asian immigrants. Most of what she said was hard to understand, but if they do decide to call me, I hope I get a chance to hear her speak more so I can get a chance to come to understand her accent.

Oh yeah, I did kinda get a job at Subway through my friend Sean. Kinda.
I worked they everyday straight for one week, then the next week they only had me on the schedule for two day, then the next week they did not have me one the schedule at all but the Assistant manager called me in when someone got sick. Then on the fourth week when I called to get my schedule the manager, Erick, said that he gave all the hours to people who has more experience/had been working there longer. At the same time he said "if you want to stay on my good side, don't call me about this again, and don't yell at me."
Neither me nor my Mom knew what that meant, because she was there for the entire phone call and I asked if I sounded like I was yelling at all, she said that I was not. Either way, they have yet to call me at all since then. I don't know what to do about it, since I'm still legally employed there but they never call me. My Mom said "Well he can't do that you, you're a grown man, if hes only going to call you when he needs you he should just let you go." I guess I agree, but I REALLY liked working there. I was new but I was doing a good job so far, the people were cool, the job was easy, and I was always good with the customers. If I *am* doing something wrong, I wish he would just tell me, or outright fire me if I did something *really* wrong. But I haven't done anything wrong, but I'm still not getting any hours.
Godamnit. I need money for my plan. All I want to do I put in a honest days hard work and get a well earned paycheck for doing so. Why is that so wrong?

Oakland

2010-10-12T16:02:00.001-04:00

WRITING OF THIS ARTICLE COMPLETE ON Fri 08 Oct 2010 21:53:15 EDT

I am eating tootsie rolls and watching Terminator 3.
A zip lock bag of tootsie rolls were given to me by the mother of the little girl who is staying overnight with my Sister, the girl's first name is Summer, middle is Rain, mothers name is Lisa, a friend of my mother's.
I remember as a child my mother would take me a vegetable stand that also sold candy near our old home in Oakland. I vaguely remember what that I would play in the dirt with a girl there behind the vegetable stand. I don't really remember what she looked like, I think she had dark hair, MAYBE dark eyes, but I am probably just imagining that because of the dark hair.
I hate that.
I remember that I would always get tootsie rolls at that vegetable stand. I do not remember if I bought the the tootsie rolls or if I got my mother to buy them. I have a flash of looking down at the floor and munching on one with both hands. I belive my mother is scolding me quietly, she is on right of me I think. I'm scanning my eyes from left to right.
I am glad the Lisa made me a bag a tootsie rolls. Other wise I would not have found this old memories file stored in old compressed archive files. And now that I have reviewed the file, I can record it here.
Biological supercomputer my ass. Stupid organ can't even properly store audio/video files in a logical sequence or understandable codec. But because of our mechanical computers, I can now review and store this file for all eternity.
Take that Biology.

Help me plan my life, please. No, seriously.

2010-10-12T16:01:00.000-04:00

"I am 19, and I will be 20 in winter. So far, the last 2 decades of my short life have been utterly wasted. I've done nothing with my youth and but piss it away, the best years of my life are gone, and with nothing to show for it but a mediocre Gamerscore.
I've just graduated high school, so the next obvious normalfag step would be to go to college/uni, or work minimum wage for life. But I can't be a normalfag even if I wanted to for the following reasons:

-I can't go to college because my family is way too poor to do so.
-Theres nothing that the colleges/unis in my area that remotly interest me. (Plumbing, Liberal Arts, Nursing, Electrical) But then again there isnt anything at all that any colleges offer anywhere that interests me remotely.
-Minmum wage for life = SHIT NO.

When I was younger, I always thought I wanted to work as a video game artist but not anymore. A BA degree in game art is expsensive and the colleges that offer it are all scam/crap colleges designed simply to pump you out and take all your money. (DeVrey, Full Sail)

I'm currently working at a restaraunt for minimum wage but only getting shit hours. I'm putting all the money in the bank, but for what? What can I do with my life? My youth? I don't want to be be a normalfag living a poinltess little life. I refuse to be just another brick in the wall. I want to make a name for myself, hell maybe something worth a small wikipedia article. If I ever do go to college it will be way later in life.(Like, when I'm 60) But what can I do with my youth? I just don't know how to get out of this little slum I live in, and into the great big world. I want to travel the world. I want to set foot on every contenet. I want to spend what little of my youth I have left, doing great things, but ''how?'' Where do I start? How do I get out of here, and into our wonderous and vast world? Someone please point me in the right direction. I am so lost. "

I think I'l post this around a few of my internet hangouts where people know me. See what ideas other people can come up with. Like I said, I'm lost.

Long time, no write.

2010-09-22T16:59:00.002-04:00

In reality I hate writing and typing. I only keep write this blog as to keep a record of my life because A) I have an insane fear of forgetting parts of my life that could be important, and B) so I can all of this printed into a book when my life ends.
Problem is, I hate writing, so when I actually find the time to write here, I have already forgotten all the things I wanted to record.
I hate that.
Anyway.
My Mom sometimes does housecleaning for some dirty old man named Karl who never takes showers because he uses his bathtub as storage. Really. Anyway, he build a Trimeran is his basement and one day me and my mom helped him move it out of his basement, up a steep hill, and onto his front lawn. On the way up the mast broke and fell backward. It almost hit me and made me drop the small boat. But we got it up the hill and after much deliberation he said he would replace the part that broke.

Weeks later I was riding my bike and I want down to the China lake boat landing near the Vassalboro Public Library. I rode out onto the dock and stopped just short of going off into the water. (Shitty brakes.) I saw Karl's tiny boat tied off, not on the dock, but on the shore next to the dock. It had just rained so it was full of watter and tipping a bit to one side. I did not know if it was okay to get in his boat or not without permission but I decided it would do no harm to bail it out. went back to shore, parked my bike, jumped onto the boat, and started bailing it out with some cut-in-half, plastic milk cartons that were obviously made for such a purpose. I spent about half a hour bailing it out. The whole time I was listening to this one celtic song/12 Girls Band and there was this woman playing fetch with her dog off the dock. Not sure how long she was there though.

"Your a green marker."

2010-08-04T15:43:00.003-04:00

Not a lot has been happening. Our money problems are getting worse. I've sent out a few more job applications to a few places. Still no call backs. I went and hung out with my friend Simone on the first, it was really fun. More fun then I have had in a long time.
I went to visit my brother David yesterday, at his new home. He seemed more excited to see me than Mom. I wish I knew what was going on in his head, I wish I knew what he was thinking. Does he know why he does not live with us any more? Does comprehend that he is never coming home again? Ever? He will never swing on the swingset or play in the backyard again? How does he comprehend? And what does he think of what he does not comprehend? Is he hurt by this? Is he sad? Is he angry? Is he angry at us? Does he think we don't love him anymore? That we don't want him around because we don't love him? What does he think when he sees his whole family wave good-bye, and get in the same familiar car, that he himself has ridden in for years, and drive away, to what he knows as home, without him? What does he feel when he sees this?
Does he hate us for it?

"Kiss my ass."

2010-07-26T14:22:00.002-04:00

My family's money problems are deepening. When my Mom separated with my sister's dad, he said even if hes not living there he would make the mortgage payment. Well, he only made a couple and now he bought him self a new truck and spent the rest on beer and drugs. Good thing my Mom has a extra 10,000 USD just lying around.
OH. WAIT.
Fuck rednecks, fuck Maine, fuck Americans in general. I'm disgusted.
My Mom's not taking it well. Shes doing bad things to herself. Things she has not done in more than a decade. Thursday me Turk and Ducky are going to get thogether and make a 3rd round around the Winslow and Waterville commercial districts and, once again, apply to every place it would be possible for us to work at. I know it's the 3rd time but maybe once of these places will call us back this time. I hope so.

~PortCon2010!~

2010-07-06T13:08:00.001-04:00

~PortCon 2010~
This years PortCon was a lot better than last years. Better merch, better artists, better videos, better Cosplays, better rave, and even more people than last year! We had more than 1500 people last year, I wonder how many people there we this year?
Once I again I loved all the merchandice. There was a LOT of stuff I wanted to buy but being as broke as I am I could not buy much. What I did get was this cute little figma of a Scyther! Its a Japanese one too! Not American. It also comes with a sticker of Scyther with info about him on it, and this strange package that has what looks like a large Alka-Selser tablet in it. Because all the writing on the box is in Japanese I have no idea what it really is! I thought maybe its something that you put in water and it grows into a new shape, or maybe its just candy. My Mom said it looks like a giant methadone talet. (Thats a pain medication you give to cancer patitens.)
The other thing I got a pink t-shirt with a Slowbro on it. But its not a normal Slowbro.
You know how college fratt boys are always say "bro", or some variation of it, to eachother constantly? (Hey brah! Wazzap bro!? Yo bro! Sup bro! Wheres tha keg at bro!?) Well the t-shirt is a play on words. Instead of having a Slowpoke that evolved into a normal Slowbro, (With a tan belly and a Shelder on its tail) they made it evolve into a Slowbro thats wearing a pink-collared-button-top-t-shirt, with the collar popped, a baseball cap turned backwards, and its holing a giaint beer mug in its hand.
HA HA. It evolved into a SlowBRO. Get it HA HA ITS A PUN! AND PUNS ARE ALWAYS FUNNY! EVERY TIME!
Puns are lame but I still think the shirt is awesome. One of the other shirts that same stand was selling was a shirt that said "Fakku" on it. I asked why and it turns out the guy who owned that stand is aslo the owner of fakku.net, the biggest hentai and h-manga site on the web! Wow. Its kinda like meeting a hentai version of Hugh Heffner. Come to think of, I actually met a large ammount of people at PortCon whom I have only known of on the internet. I saw a couple of famous, and infamous, cosplayers that I have only ever seen on imageboards or deviant art, and suddunly, here they all are. How is it that by chance, all these people I've only seen on th net live close enough to Portland Maine to come to PortCon?
On one of the AMV stands they were showing a video where someone mixed the words from RICKROLL with the music from Nirvana's "Smells like teen spirit." And it worked! The song was perfect and definetly download worthy.
I got to see a bunch of my out-of-town friends at PortCon too. I spent more than a hour just LOOKING for one of them though. I found her the instant I gave up. When I finnaly gave up I started looking at the really cool contacts that this one booth was selling. As I stoped to look, all of a sudden some girl was hugging me. It was fucking her. Right there at a booth I had passed a dozen times. I was looking for a skinny girl with blond hair and blue eyes. Today she was wearing big baggy clothes, a purple wig, and she had bright red eyes from the contacts she had just bought. Even then it took me full minute to recognize her. A whole hour wasted!
At one point when I was sitting with my friends a guy who my friends knew came up and started talking to us. His name was Chris and he was cosplaying as a young Sasuke. He asked me "Are straight?"
In a completely sarcastic voice "I said "HAHAHA NOOO."
For whatever reason he took this seriously replied with "Your adorable!"
I laughed and told him the fact that I was kidding, but he got a really hurt look on his face and walked away. I really did not mean to do that to him but he HAD to have know that I was joking from the way I said it. I found him on Facebook later and apologized but I never got a reply.
I'd say I had the most fun at the rave. The music was awesome and everybody was really into it, even the DJs. They even brought a bunch of cosplayers up on the stage. You havent seen anything untill you see a Domo and a Mr. Gameamotch Man, raving on stage in front of five hundred people.
The one and only bad thing I cant possibly say about this year's PortCon is that there was a very strong Rocket presense this year. Last year we only had a couple Team Rocket members there, this year ther like, twenty Grunts, a few Exectutives, even Jessie and James themselves!! And we only had around five Trainers, a couple Misty's, a Ash, A Red, two Hiro's, and a May. Thats it, we were out numbered! AND that night when I went out to take a brake from the rave, one of the hotel rooms had a giant, red, "R" made of duc-tape in its window. I found PortCon's Team Rocket HQ!! Lulz were had.

PortCon 2010 was perfect. I can't wait for next year.

"To boldy go..."

2010-06-11T14:51:00.004-04:00

I've graduated high school. I walked through one hell and into another. I am now free to do with my life what I will. (With what money I have anyway.)

The Graduation ceremony was I bit nerve wracking but nothing I could not handle. The back of my head ended up on the front page of the local news paper. After the ceremony the class got 10 minutes alone together in a unused ice arena. I hope this makes you proud anon because at one point during that time I screamed at the top of my lungs, "THE ENTIRE SENIOR CLASS OF 2010 JUST LOST THE GAME." I really hope this makes you guys proud.
The after party lasted until 5AM. It was set at a bowling alley/arcade/restaurant. I played pool and bowled for literal eight hours. The was a 2 hour hypnotist show. Funny as hell. He made a girl who never talks become horny for Steven Spielberg and scream all kinds of sexual things. He made a kid whos a huge homophone think he was a stripped and give a guy a lap-dance. I got to hang out with some of the cool hipster kids that I never normally do. (Turns out their all /b/tards. Who knew.) I played lost at Wii Tennis to one of them, and I had a ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN with one of my friends in bowling. It lasted like, 3 hours and finally ended in a tie. Sorry Jordan, you can't beat me. Towards the end of the party people were starting to fall asleep in random places or curling up under machines in the arcade. 4 girls where curled up into balls on a 3-person couch together in front of a Xbox running The Beatles Rockband. One of my friends had passed out in a armchair and another under a pinball machine. A BUNCH of people were all sleeping together under the Air Hockey tables. Me, one of the hipsters, Erick Chamberlain, Aron Buieliour, Sinjin Raincourt, and Nick Terry were in this little mancave under a basketball machine singing random 90's love songs together.
At the end of the party they handed of Senior gifts. The was $10 cash, a $25 WalMart giftcard, a another random $25 dollar gift card. My random was to a seafood place. I hate seafood so I asked other people to trade. A always-happy, really gothic guy named Dylan wanted to trade for his American Outfitters card. I said "Dude, I don't even know where a American Outfitters is." (LOL MAINE) Dylan responded with "Look at me. Do I look like I shop at American Outfitters?" Lol, I'm going to miss seeing that kid around.
Honestly, I think I'm going to miss all of them, even the rednecks, the douchebags, and the teachers. It was one shithole of a school, but at least it gave some structure to my life. I have no idea what I want to do for college or with my life. My mom reallys wants me to travel for a year, but I have no idea how I would do that, plus If I did, by the time I came back I would be 21 and too old to get and financial help with college. But I the same time, like I said, I have no idea what to do for college. I need help on this one...

What ever. Its still an accomplishment, and I'm damn proud of it. I thank both my mom and my friends for what support I've gotten over the last four years.

Oh yeah, and heres the photo from the news paper. Thanks Kj.

Im the one on the far left.

Wonderous.

2010-06-08T13:03:00.002-04:00

A LOT of stuff has been going on lately. Strange stuff, gross stuff, disturbing stuff, but because of legal actions I am cannot talk about it. Anyway, point is, its all very depressing. With no progress on the whole COLLEGE thing and graduation being tomorrow I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. Same undone shit day in and day out.
Have we heard back from the DMV?
No.
Have we heard back from Vocational?
No.
Have we heard back from any of the colleges I've asked for info about?
No, have you found and new colleges you want to apply to?
No.
FUCK.
I'm getting nowhere fast, and now that I am graduating what little help I can get from the high school for paper work leagl work will be gone. I'm all on my own now when I need help most. I know I started late on this stuff, I admit that, but I still would not expaect that Nobody can help you any more once you graduate. Apparently our guidance office, the people who are supposed to be helping us with our college paperwork and financial/legal work, only does half the crap that are actually supposed to do. I have recently had multiple adults from other schools tell me this. Great work WHS. What a shithole of a school. I don't see how theres not some action taken against this school by the State.

"Better late than never" is illogical in most cases where it is used.

2010-05-23T17:34:00.009-04:00

I keep trying to make 'ur mom' jokes at my mom but it doesn't work when its you own mom your saying it to...
Its spring time and everything in the forest is green again. But of course as luck would have it I've been sick for the last few weeks. Just with one of those colds that keeps you from being active but your still not sick enough to not work. Gah. I've been sleepy as hell lately too and it got me into a little trouble at my last track meet. I had already done my other even and was waiting for my last event, the 400 hundred, to start. I laid down in the grass with my head on my pack and fell asleep. When I woke up they were calling the 300 Hurdles and someone said "Hey, weren't you supposed to be on the 400?"
Awesome. The sun gave my right arm a nice sunburn too. Yay.
Today I feel kinda sad. I haven't hung out with anybody in weeks. Not counting prom. (It sucked btw) All I've done lately is go to track practice. I can't even go watch anime with my friends anymore because I can't go to Anime Club because track practice is everyday. God's it like I don't have a social life any more. None of my friends ever can/want to hang out. I'm lonely.

COLLEGE: I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.

My Mom and I have come to the compulsion that doing what I've dreamed of doing for years is an impossible goal because of our poverty. Any real school's that offer any kind of Game Art BA degree are both too expensive and too far away. This makes me depressed. I am limited to community colleges and universities in the area. At first I was thing about Southern Maine Community College, because they offer a Associates degree in New Media and Communications. Something that has a few classes in game desigen but thats it. An Associates degree in "New Media and Communications" will not get me anywhere in the Art sector of the Game industry. Most studios look for someone who has a Bachelors in either Game Art, Design or Programming. Thats the minimum, and there's no way I can meet that. I cannot travel or pay for such a degree.

I can't imagine or see myself doing anything else. I love gaming, I love art, and working together with a team of like-mined people just like me on a project as big as a console game together would be an adventure of a lifetime. Once that I would be able to experience over and over again and our studios make game after game. I need a job that would be adventurous. The only other type of career I can think of that would be A) adventurous, and B) something could do would be writing for foreign news, or travel sites like cnngo. So as much as I hated it I started looking for a a school in the area that offers a BA degree in Journalism. I asked he University of Southern Maine about it and replied with information about a "Media Studies" degree. I looked up the course and browsed through the classes that made up the degree. 90% of the classes were all about Films and Movies. It seemed like a class that someone would take if they wanted to work as a film critic. Confessed, I continued to search a database of all degrees offered by the network of official state Universities for the word "Journalism." Only one degree result came back. It was infact a BA in Journalism, its offered by the University of Maine at Augusta. GAH. I hate Augusta. Its nicknamed "Disgusta" by the locals for good reason. The people there are terrible, the city itself is gross and one of my friends had horrible things done to them while they we're there. I hate that city, I'd so much rather be at USM in Portland. Its the opposite of Distgusta in every way. Its awesome. Plus its an actual city, Agausta is more like a mid-sized town. Portland is huge and has actual skycrsapers.
ARGH! Nothing ever works out for me. No matter how good the intentions or how important it is there is ALWAYS some rediculous complication.
This always happens to me.
I hate this.

Happy Mother's Day.

2010-05-09T22:55:00.000-04:00

Thanks Mom. I know you do your best, and I love you for that.

Purgatory

2010-05-03T09:34:00.003-04:00

I'm waiting for everything.
I'm waiting my my glasses to be made.
I'm waiting for the DMV to mail me back.
I'm waiting for a college I applied to, to mail be back with (hopefully) a acceptance letter.
GAH.
I've been trying to learn a song on the guitar but I can't read the tab's I found on it.
GAH.
I've been working on learning PHP but it makes my eyes hurt.
GAH.
I really don't like the idea of getting glasses. Its like shopping for a new face.
GAAH.
On a brighter note I was re-playing Pokemon FireRed the other day, I walked into Rock Tunnel and ran in the billionth Geodude I've ever run into, BUT WAIT, THERES MORE. It was a SHINEY Geodude. Like holy pokeballs batman. I've never even met someone who caught a shieny pokemon and bam, one fell into my lap. Freakin awesome, it was a drawkwa moment. Other than that lifes been pretty lame. I have't hung out with anyone in weeks. I keep trying to make plans with people but they always fall through. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUck.
I have a couple chances to make some money soon though. I'm letting one of my friends rent Halo ODST from me for $20 so he can play the Halo Reach multiplayer beta, and I've built a computer for my buddy Dylan and all I have to do is put a OS on it and I can sell it to him officially. $50. I'm really torn about money because I want to replace my Mp3 player, but I want to save a bunch of it for Portcon, AND I want to keep as much of it as I can for college.
GAAAAH. WAT DO I DO~!

In the 90's black people had super power's

2010-04-20T08:55:00.004-04:00

Don't believe me? Go watch 'Event Horizon'.
Its be a long 3 weeks. At the suggestion of some friends I've signed up for Track and field. Its a lot harder that I originally thought it was going to be. I ran everyday last summer but I'm pretty sure that it was of no help to me in this situation. The first week and a half we're especially hard. Hell its hard NOW, just not so much. 97% of the team is unfortunately made up of pretentious and arrogant preps plus two or three particularly douche-y jocks, so they don't listen to me at all or acknowledge my existence much. Another problem is that all the people have been doing Track since like, 6th grade. This is my first year doing it, ever, so it looks like I'm struggling twice as much as I actually am. Recently I've gotten better though. Now I can actually keep up with the forward group when we go for a run. (Except when we do hills. GAH! Shin-splints!!) It felt good though, during this last week I've been able to keep up for the most part, and I felt good about it too. Until our first Meet on Friday. UGH. I was a three hour drive to...where ever the hell we were, but despite that I felt good about the day. I certainly not expecting to win anything, I thought a would just do okay, and for my first meet, I would have been happy with that.
It was not so.
When the time came and the megaphone blared out the call for my event (the 800 meter dash.) I smiled and was confident that I would at least place and not make a complete failure of myself. I visibly smiled at this thought. Everything was going to be okay. It was freezing out that day. REALLY fucking cold and really fucking windy. Everybody was jumping and running in place in a futile attempt to keep warm. What was wore is that we were only allowed to wear our uniforms for the event. This means tiny shorts and a thin, nylon, tank top.
For the record I would like to say that The people telling us this were wearing arctic parkas.
We stood on the line. I readied myself, took a deep breath, the gun went off. I bolted. At first I was able to keep up with the forward group. Then something happened to my throat. I don't know. It was awful. About halfway around the track my throat just like, caught. It tightened up, and it was really hard to breathe. Each breath felt like I was drinking overly-potent mouthwash. It really hurt. I started trailing behind. Everybody was screaming at me to keep up. What is a runner supposed to do in this situation? I felt really sick and I was in pain. Can a runner just stop in the middle of the event if they think its the safe thing to do? Or do we need what ever is wrong with us to be visible to others? (Coaches?) I yelled back to my screaming teammates "Somethings wrong, I think I'm sick!" They looked taken aback for a second but they just screamed for me to go on, go faster. Even my coach. Aren't they supposed to watch for this type of thing? I came in dead last place. Not even that. I finished a full minute and 30 seconds after everybody else. Runners we're already leaving the track and preparing for the next event. People had looks of surprise when I came across the finish line.My coach did not even talk to me about it. I figured she'd some sort of "ZOMGWTF HAPPENED OUT THAR!??!!?" reaction like she usually does to other people when this happens, but no, she did not even bother to ask me about the farce, nor did any of my team mates. I was hacking up bits of my lungs for another twenty minutes afterward. I've been doing so well for the last couple practices. I have no fucking clue what happened. One of my friends said it may have had something to do with the wind/freezing cold but it nothing like that happened to anyone else, so that idea's just no locigal.
Why am I doing this?

Whatever, there's new *chan-like bbs I found a link to on Tinychan. Its all about anime/manga, tech and video games so I've been hanging out there a lot. Its relatively new so its userbase is small and its server it having issues keeping time. (It says your one day in future. OOOOooOOooOOOOoO) But I like it.

Quiptxt's Massive Privacy fail

2010-03-29T09:34:00.009-04:00

Quiptxt is app and service made for Apple iPhone users to send pictures back a fourth between other quiptxt users.
So you can probably guess what kind of stuff this is used for. (If you don't get it yet then google the term 'sexting')
Anyway, the reason I'm talking about is because someone, somewhere, in a deep dark corner of the interweb, found out a dark and devious exploit in the service. As it turns out, they way the guys at Quiptxt store the images (that users send to each other) on their servers is just a simple sub domain of their main website, followed by a randomized alphanumeric sequence of five characters. Its looks like this: "http://pic.quiptxt.com/ytuvn"or this: "http://pic.quiptxt.com/otee5". They thing is, there are no locks, blocks, or restrictions on what or who can see the images. Anyone who knows the alphanumeric sequence that is assigned to a particular picture, can simply type it into any web browser of any kind and get too see that picture! Hell, you could type in that sub domain, close your eyes, then poke the keyboard with a stick five times, press enter, and accidentally get someone's photo! I guess the original programmers just figure no one would ever think of that.
Of course, some like this can easily bruteforced. Bruteforceing is when someone writes or uses a program that is designed to crack passwords by repeatedly imputing random things from a generator of some kind or a wordlist. A good example would be facebook. Say a hacker knows the email you use to login to facebook with, first he puts that in the email box, then he could set a bruteforcing program using the whole English dictionary as the wordlist, on the password box. Now lets say your password is "flower". Then the bruteforce program would would try all the wordlist untill it gets to "flower". Then Bingo! The hacker has your precious facebook account! That's why its good to have long alphanumeric passwords. I know that was a long explanation but bear with me.
Now, once it got out that Quiptxt's user's photos could be so easily viewed, several people wrote bruteforceing programs in PHP that would take the "http://pic.quiptxt.com/" sub domain and pick a series or five random letters and numbers after it, and then resolve (go to) the URL and see if there was a photo there. After a little testing, these guys uploaded the code to free webhosts or personal web servers so anyone could to a web page with the PHP code in it. Once they loaded the page, the PHP script started running and downloading pictuers from each pic.quiptxt.com/***** URL that it found to have some one's photo in it. They then told forums, message boards, and *chans about it, giving them the info on the situation and a link to the web page with the PHP bruteforcer program in it. Anyone could just sit back a watch thousands of peoples personal photos roll in. People we collaborating and showing each other what funny (or pornographic) photos they found Quiptxt users sneding to eachother. It was awesome yet awful at the same time. I even went to one of those sites with the program in it. there we a lot of pictures of tiny dogs, people's children, but the majority was nudes. I have never seen so much porn in once place at one time, and it was all of people who just wanted to send the stuff to their bf/gf. Now its all going to be floating around the net for ages. That'll teach them a lesson.
I also got a few pics that were kinda artistic, so I kept them. :)

Even if this was all due the the Quiptxt's programmers stupidity, Apple is still going to take the blame for it. Once this gets out, the media won't report it as "Hacker's bruteforced their way into Quiptxt's server's." They will report it as "Hackers steal Apple iPhone user's photos!!!" And the people, not knowing any better, will eat it right up and throw their iPhones out the window. Apple wont be able to explain what really happened to the majority of iPhone users because its simply far too complicated to be put into layman's terms for them and still quell their paranoia over the whole deal. (Considering none of them don't even know what "www." stands for.) Only the small minority of programmers and developers that own iPhones will have any idea what Apple is talking about. Anyway, I can't think of anything else to say about that. My mom got a new dog. Its a fucking pitbull and its really fucking horny and annoying. Whatever. Fine work gentlemen.
And good day.

[EDIT]
You can find a fairly large colection of the stolen photos here.

Reach for the 8-bit stars

2010-03-08T09:31:00.004-05:00

I am going to make it, in the gaming industry. It is not a choice or opinion. It is fact.
I follow bungietweets on twitpic and I love seeing things from a Bungie employee perspective. One of the reasons I have for wanting to work for them is the laid back, down to earth, (not uptight bissnus men) style that they all have about them. One photo the uploaded was from the SpikeTV Video Game Awards, its of Samuel L. Jackon on stage. While a Studio thats more in it for the bissinis would make a caption for the photo something like "Seen photographed here: Samuel L. Jackson. Speaking at the SpikeTV Video Game Awards." But Bungie, a Studio thats in it for the games simply caoptioned the photo: "Resident Badass: Samuel L. Jackson." They get to do that, the boss approves. Bungie also has a rotating title description on their website, (meaning it changes from time to time) some times it says "Satifying your mom scince [Insert year here, idr ]" That's their Official development website. They don't care at all about being "PC." They know their target audience. We think its funny and it makes us smile every time they log in into BNet. God I love these guys. They just rock.
I also saw photos of them buying, installing and playing a Skee-ball machine in their office. Thats part of their paid work day. Playing Skee-ball in funny outfits and posting it on the internet. (I cant find THAT photo right now but I'll link it as soon as it do.)
I want to work with these guys so much. I WILL one day work in the art department at Bungie Studios.
It is fact.
Also: My personal idol works at Bungie. Here he is talking about winning the Award for Best Original (Musical) Score at the VGA's for the music from Halo 3: ODST. Feel the Genius. I read somthing a really time ago about a guy's girlfriend being moved to tears from hearing the music in Halo 3: ODST. That's all thanks to that guy, Marty O'Donnell.

Brb goin to listen to ODST soundtrack nao kthkxbai

Party Hard

2010-02-28T00:27:00.004-05:00

The last few days have been really fun. First there was the whole spirit week thing thing at my school. Each class dressed up in certain colors. Freshman was red, Sophomores were green, Juniors were blue, and us Seniors Dressed up in our School colors, black and orange. Its was awesome, you should have seen all the costumes. Later in the day we had Winter Carnival, a competition between all the classes. This included, ping pong, boys and girls basket ball, a eating contest, and a tug of war. It was a blast.
After school there was a formal dance, I had no idea it was happening and from the convincing of a friend a decided to drop my boring shopping plans and go. It was even more of blast then the Winter Carnival. Sure, the music is trashy, (and so are >9000% of the dresses) but I still had fun rocking out to the music.
I met this, well, interesting girl from another school there. I was talking to her and she said she was bored of the dance. I said, "Hey, its a more fun thing to do than sitting home alone" She responded with "Well there alcohol at home so that should make me happy"
Uh, ok. 0.0;
At one point one of her friends came up and said that another girl was rubbing up on her boyfriend. The first girl, (one I was talking to) wished to go beat her up. The second told her not to do that because shes on probation. The girl I had been talking to said "Oh yeah right" and sat back down. I HAD to ask what that was about, she said it was for arson and making bombs. Later on after she left I asked one of friends what she had blown up/set ablaze. He said that she was behind the arson of a abandoned YMCA that I saw in the news a while back.
Wow.
I need to go trashy dances more often. I love people.

[EDIT]
Oh yeah, my mom is staying overnight in the hospital because the antibiotics that she had been given to fight off a infection from a tooth she had pulled out had actually made her very sick and caused her great pain. Looks, like I have to take care of David and Maisie for a while. Wish my mom luck.
[EDITEDIT]
Ah yes, and I went to the best play I have ever seen, no joke. It was a school play, many of my friends were in it, including Sunny and Lizzy. It was about a bunch of kids in the mid 90's, in high school, all of witch have terrible family issues and are trying hardest to make it in school, and for the most part, they are. Its a terribly, TERRIBLY sad play but soo good. I shed many tears of manlyness.

"It....its a box of stupidity!!" :D

2010-02-21T19:03:00.004-05:00

Something my mom said over vacation.

I had a great birthday party on friday!
Sunny, Kj, Turk, and Lizzy were able to come. We played Rockband, goofed off, watched funny video's, and even MADE a funny video thanks to Lizzy.

I am 19 today.

2010-02-18T00:40:00.007-05:00

Well technically yesterday since its 12:41AM, buts that's okay.
I plan on actually celebrating my birthday on Friday so my friends could come over, but I had some fun today anyway. This morning my mom took me out to breakfast. I had a giant chocolate chip pancake. Couldn't finish it, too rich. X( Later when I got home I finally finished a small renovation to my room. For years I had all these model trains and complete model town setup on a table in room. Everything I made myself, all the houses, the landscape, I layed down all the track and wired all the city lights. Problem is, the table is actually a door, so with the train tracks being the size that it is really all I could make for a railroad was a three and a half foot "zero." After a few years watch different trains go around in a circle become sort of boring so I stopped using them, and for years they have just taken up a large amount of space in my room. A few days ago I decide to be rid of them. Not rid of them, just get them out of my room so I don't break them and so I can have all that space back.
So I got a bunch of free package boxes from the post office and packed up all my beloved model trains and houses...and trees and streetlamps and sidewalks and sheds and the fountain and the clock tower and the water tower...sigh, such memories, and those are just the parts of the town not the trains themselves!
Anyway, I have myself band new table now.
It was promptly taken over by my Tv, 360, and my other PC tower. XD
I now have much moar shelf space.
Later on I went to the cinema to see The Wolfman. They let you in free if its your birthday.
The movie was really good, it COULD have been great if they hadn't squashed a whole hour and a half's worth of storyline into the first 30 minutes.
The guy who plays Mr.Smith in the Matrix and the elf king in Lord of the Rings plays the part of an inspector, so that made it all better because he's badass.

Also I would like to thank everyone who wished me a Happy one this year, both over Facebook/blogspot and IRL. I have never had so many before! Thank you all! I love you guys.

A post in a blog about Valentines Day.

2010-02-13T23:03:00.005-05:00

Any of you got a nerdy, geeky, kinda gf? Here's some stuff to email her tomorrow.

That's all I got I guess, I thought I had more, or at least more happy ones anyway, the last two are kinda really emo.
I guess its all on my other computer...

Plumber's are red,
hedgehogs are blue.
Press start to join,
and be my player two. :)

*radio dj voice* Well I hope you folks had as much fun as I did tonight on this unusually warm winter's night! This is Drew, signing off! *click*

"Google is becoming the Walmart of the internet..!"

2010-02-11T21:05:00.002-05:00

shit i cant write this now!
[EDIT] I was going to write a giant conspiracy theory essay on how google is going to take over the whole internet but then I realized that Google already owns Blogger so I would probably get shot by a Google-hired sniper if I wrote it.

"I AM THE NIGHT"

2010-02-09T13:50:00.012-05:00

During some down time in my Apple tech class I diceided to open up MSPaint and draw my teacher. It was so good, another teacher who was in the room said "Anyone who would see that would say That Is Greiner." Here is the said masterpiece.

After that, Turk took my mouse and turned it into Mr.Greiner's alter ego, THE BATMAN.

I've been watching Baccano! as much as I can lately. Its really confusing, but that's on pourpose. There are actualy three separate plots, taking place over the course of a few years, the occasionaly intersect here and there. The plots do seem to follow these beings called the Imortals, beings that look just as human as anyone else but, you guessed it, cannot die. By any means. At one point you see a eight or nine year old boy get his head blown into many tiny little bloody pieces, but because he is an Imortal, all the blood, his brain matter and bits of his skull start moving around and mold themselves back into the shape of his head, then he twiches and comes back to life and said something like "Man, what a jerk."
I really HATE the Issac and Mira characters though. I mute the computer every time I see thier faces. Thier voices make me want to steal candy from babies. Sick babies. Other than that I have no complaints, this is a truly great anime, and I've only been able to watch the first few episodes. Its complicated, and has much blood and gore in it, so people who are weak of mind and/or heart should probably avoid this anime. To all others, this is a must-see.

Today in my Government and law class my teacher all told us to take out our cells phones and dail the White House and see if anybody could get through. When I called a guy picked up and simply said "White House." In a bored voice. I said, "Hi, my name is Drew, I'm from a government class in Maine and I was wondering if it would be at all possible to speak with the president?" A female robot voice suddenly picked up and said "thank you for calling.." I looked at the phone for a moment and then announced to the class: "The White House hung up on me." My teacher and everybody else laughed and then I gave back the cell phone I was barrowing from a girl who was too nevous to dial. I'm going to ask my teacher for the number tomorow, I try Obama again next time I'm bored.

Shit, this reminds me that I've got a huge paper to write for him.

Fare-thee-well!

No time for not wasting it!

2010-02-07T19:30:00.007-05:00

Almost 19. Hunh.
When I was a kid I could never picture myself any older than 14. I don't feel any different than when I was 13. Meh.
What would I want for my birthday? Hm. A job would be nice, but the birthday fairy only grants wishes that you can buy at walmart. So I guess I would like season one or more of Baccano!, or the latest season of House. Or a cell phone from Straight Talk, while I'm dreaming, how about a iPod touch? None of that could happen though because were poor! Yay! :D This makes me wonder what my friends and I will do for my birthday this year. Last year we had a little money and we went bowling. There's no way I can do anything like that this year. I'm certainly not going to just have everybody come and sit in my living room a stare at each other. Damn. I guess if I can't pull off some magic act then I'll just avoid the fail and not do anything for my birthday.
I'm kinda worried about the college I've been working to get into. Full Sail University. I've been reading all kinds of reviews about it and they are all one extreme or the other. They all say either:
A): Full Sail is Great! Great teachers, classes and overall experience!
or
B): Full Sail Sucks! Shitty teachers, classes and overall experience!
There's an equal amount of both A and B too so I don't know what to think. :( I cant find any other schools that offer a Game Art degree for some reason! Its like outside of FSU the degree does not exgsist! Geth, I don't know what to think anymore...

Why are people so ecstatic about jailbreaking their iPod touches for the sole purpose of texting people? Why are there even any apps ever MADE for for texting people? Why doesn't anybody just use the "Mail" app that's already on the iPod? Sending a email to a cell phone is the same as texting them, except, for you, its free. All cell phones have whats called a email-to-sms gateway. For each cell carrier, this is different. For a list of them click here.

Cool songs I just heard:
Adam Lambert-What do you want from me?
We the Kings- Heaven can wait
Idk who- Live like your dying

I was able to make $40 off a kid who wanted whats left of a Xbox 360 that I was given because it red-ringed.
Wooooo~! Victory dance!

In other news, no matter how much I practice my guitar is not getting any better.

Doesn't really help that I have no idea how to tune it without the help of Apple's Garageband. ;_;

Nantucket is an ISLAND

2010-02-07T10:22:00.002-05:00

You know that poem that starts "There once was a man from Nantucket..." I always thought it was a made up place but I just found it on a map. Its this tiny little island with no connection to the rest of the world off the east coast . Mind = Blown.

PortCon Road trip funds. And Swords!! :D

2010-02-05T09:26:00.003-05:00

I did this bakesale thing at with a couple of my friends the othe night at a local card club called Spelbound to raise moneys for our school's anime club. A bunch of people were going to be there for a Magic the Gathering tournament. We made all of $9 dollars but thats okay because we had fun, or at least I know I did. There were all kinds of cool people there, mostly guys of cousre, but I think that they were intimidated by Sunora, Lizzy and Alicia because they were a lot more comfortable with coming up and buying stuff after the girls left. Feel kinda bad for them.

The Apple iPad. No. Just no.

I found this amazing website all about weaponry. Its sells swords, knives, daggers, ninja gear, even a grappling hook!!! Holy Crap! I did not think anyone actually sold these things. Its all remaks of stuff from movies, video games and anime, crazy part is its all real and great for both cosplay AND self-defence. They even have a whole section for it. I would really like one of these Final Fantasy-style Batons. Being an otaku/nerd/geek (or as modern society would like wrap us all up with the title "faggot") having something like that baton hidden on our person,( or this, and that, ) would be perfect for defening against the raging hordes of hicks, rednecks and "gangstas" that take such pleasure in seeing others in pain. Especially us. Also the whole cosplay factor is great, they have a ENORMOUS selection and did I mention this stuff is dirt cheap?
Everything on this site seems to have s heavy Japanese influence over it. Guns are forbidden in Japan, no exceptions, but there will always be crime. Rape and muggings are common in the inner-citys. It is because of all this that less-than-lethal hand to hand combat devices like these are extremely popular in Japan. I can't tell you about this site enough. There is stuff on there you will have only seen in movies, and stuff you've never even heard of. There's even real freakin ninja costumes! Look at this! I don't even know how to USE it and I want it! Feel the awesome.
Darn, I should get paid to talk about this stuff.
My birthday is coming up, maybe I will ask for kubaton...

[EDIT]
HOLY SHIT HALO.

She can't get a break.

2010-02-01T18:38:00.004-05:00

That is, unless you count our water pipes, 'cuz they freakin exploded. Oh gooddie. Now I'm going to have to take showers at my mom's friends houses. Its so awkward, I barley know them and now I'm using their shower. God I wish I had friends in my town. All of my friends live far away.
I feel so bad for my Mom. She has to go through the whole separation from my evil-ex-step dad and find some sort of new income. While at the same time lady luck has just not been with her at all. She has not been able to find a job, so called "professionals" from different health care agency's or financial aid agency's keep screwing up their freaking jobs so she ends up having to do their jobs for them. WTF.
Over the winter our pipes have frozen three times, but all of those times we have managed to avoid disaster. Then one day while my evil-ex-step dad was dropping off my sister back home he deiced it would be funny as hell to unplug the device that keeps the pipes warm enough so they don't freeze, and now, they have burst and broken. When my Mom found out she just broke down and cried. She must feel like she's not doing anything right or like she's being punished for divorcing my evil-ex-step dad. During all this, shes worrying about all my college fees and paperwork that's going on right now.
Dear god, give her a break. Damn.
I wish there was some way I could just fix everything that's going wrong for her. Just fix all this crap once and for all so she could just move on with her life. Get her life back, get her life going again. What can I do? Another thing I worry about is if I do go to college then it will be her all alone with a super-strong autistic 16 year old boy and a 10 year old devilish little girl. She won't have any backup, help, or support. What will she do? I worry about her so much. I can easily tell that all this crap is wearing her down to her last nerve.
What can I do?

I talked to the admissions guy from Full Sail university again. My FAFSA finally went through but I still need seventy five dollars for the application fee to get in. This is so stupid that I can't come up with such a small amount of cash. Whats even more stupid is that this is the only thing fucking barring my way to a world class education! GAH!
Could 75 of you interweb people each give me one dollar please?
I'm kinda not kidding.

Too bad fitness-freaks

2010-02-01T09:41:00.005-05:00

Looks like the whole deal with Natal being being used in Halo Reach is dead.
Good. Now lets keep it that way. I'd really like to NOT dance my way through a first person shooter thank-you-very-much.
I've been trying badly to apply to Full Sail University but two things are barring me from doing so.
1. My FAFSA deleted itself.
2. I need $75 for the application fee.
Where the flip am I going to get $75!?

For some reason blogspot wont let me turn off italics...
Ah well, do 75 of you interweb people want to give me a dollar?
All I need for the freakin education of a lifetime is 75 dollars. WTF.
..grahrg...

Omfg stop fucking farting I hate you and its really hard not to lock you in the wood stove. (I am speaking to a cat.)

2010-01-16T23:07:00.006-05:00

Bah.
I'm not well.
Really this thing is more if a pussy diary then it is a blog since no one reads it. I'm not reporting on the latest and greatest fashion trends or spewing far-right, uber-religious hate speeches so it not like the general netizen is going to add me to his RSS feeder. I originally put together this blog so that my friends could know whats going on in my life since I cannot afford a cell phone and live too far away from the city/town/any populated area whatsoever, to hang out with them like normal people could, but alas! Only two of my friends "follow" this blog and one does not use blogspot anymore and the other never comments so...yeah its a diary.
I am officaily the gayest straight man on the earth. Ever.
Okay but back to "I'm not well." I feel like shit. There. Why? Not a goddamn clue. Been feeling this way for a while now, a few months or so. At first it was less of a 'feeling bad' thing then it was a 'not feeling anything at all' thing. I felt no emotions at all. Its was bad that I would have to remember to react when to certain social interactions a certain way, lest I seem like a total arse. Like, I would have to remember to to smile, open my mouth, and make "harharhar" noises when something was funny. Even if I, in my own opinion, find the subject at hand humorous, its like my body did not remember to laugh at things, or to smile when talking about generally positive things, and things I used to love doing don't even give me a spark of pleasure. For a while I chalked it up to just getting older and becoming more of an adult, but now I' sure this is not so.
Now I don't feel just nothing anymore. Now I feel either haltered, sadness, or nothing again. Oh yay. What a great combination.
I had hoped that my Mom kicking my stepdad out would somehow signify a better life to come, though we have been freed of his poison, hate, biggotry, racism, sexism, anti-semitism, (plus a bunch of other -ism's) this is not so. Though none of it actually has anything to do with him, things have, in fact, not been going well since. I've gone on a couple dates, and had one girlfriend in the past few months, but that all went terribly so I posted an ad in the personals section of the infamous Craigslist. 43 spambots later I got a message from a real woman who was really freakin' awesome and I had been talking to her a lot but when I decided to ask for a photo she suddenly disappeared. (This most likely means it was some guy, trolling me. Wonderful.) No matter what I do the DMV refuses to acknowledge the fact that I have sent in my permit hour sheets, TWICE, and that they now need to give me a date for my driver's test. Meanwhile, I'm seeing 16-year-old's driving around like maniacs with all their friends packed into tiny cars filled with pot smoke while I, almost nineteen now, have to walk everywhere. I've been trying to improve my skill at different things like drawing, writing, and playing guitar, but to no avail. I am, for reasons beyond my comprehension, being harassed even more at school now. People I have never met are tripping me/hitting me as I get on the bus to go to my vocational classes. One of them recently tryed to friend me on facebook, I of course rejected it but I know this only means that he gets to have a reason to harass me now. I'm guessing that's all happening because I've reported this one other guy for harassment so much that if he does it again he will get in legal trouble so hes getting all his pot-head buddies to come after me for him.
I have been trying to get out more and meet new people but every effort I make seems to be thwarted for various reasons outside of my control.
A computer that I have fixed for one of my friends only needs a new power supply but the only guy who can find a replacement for it wants to charge me $65 for it when the part is only worth about $10. (Garymotherfuckinoak!)
Most of all I've realized something about nearly all (but one, maybe 2) of my friends. They actually don't care for me very much and are in fact very detached from me. Friend's of mine never think to invite me to things they are doing or events they are going to. I always hear about it on facebook. Everybody saying tripe like "HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AWESOME LET DO IT AGAIN AND BRING MOAR PPL!!1!!oneone" Oh no, I don't hear about it by people telling me though, It just it all pops up in my news-feed. Whenever I hear about stuff my friends are going to do before hand I have to find ways to WORK my way into it. Really, its quite pathetic. It is both pathetic that I do it and pathetic that it happens. I used to have real friends, almost four years ago, but they all changed, changed into huge douches. So I made new friends, more and better friends then I had ever had before, but now, that all seems so distant. Its not that they dislike me now, more like they have just grown bored of me and would rather not deal with me. Like a toy you bought on an impulse that now rests on your floor, it was cool at first, but now the once cool toy's novelty has worn off and it only serves as a thing to trip over. I thought maybe I was too bad looking to converse with. It makes logical sense that one would not want to talk to something that's unpleasant to look at right? So I've lost a lot of weight, changed my hair, started dressing better, and done my best to be kind and always be there for people when they need a shoulder to cry, or whatever.
None of that seems to matter though. I do not seem to have to the tight, share-all, close-knit, loving, circle of friends that I once fantasied and wrote epic story's about.
I hate it all. I either feel nothing, feel sad, or want beat the crap out of somebody for the tinyest thing. Seriously, I'm getting horribly angry when normal crap happens. My mom tried to ask me something earlyer and I got pissed about it like it was some great, terrible insult to her to speak to while I was so busy sitting there on my bed staring at this cardboard box..

What on earth is wrong with me? Am I sick?

I just realized this is the longest post I have ever made, and its about being a sad sack of shit. God I suck.

"I smell french frys..."

2010-01-15T11:14:00.000-05:00

Last night was hell.
I had a shity day at school, and when I got home our water pipes where frozen and while I was ourdoors in below zero weather the furnace died! :0 At one point when trying to restart the furnace I spilled kerosene everywhere and all over my legs. Holy crap. So now today I stink like kerosene and B.O. I want the shower back! Today was was normal school up until now as at the time of writing this I am sitting in the MMTC office. Apparently I told my buddy Kj to suck my cock. When my teacher told me to leave the class for this Kj an I looked at each other with looks of confusion, since we both know this had not happened. Even another student who was standing nearby during the time that this was supposed to have happened, say that I never said that. What the heck is going with people lately? People I've never met before are harassing me at school, someone seems to have cursed our house, and my teacher is hallucinating.
Yup, and I am still unable to find a job.

saaaaadface.jpg

The roads longer on the journey home...

2009-12-14T08:54:00.004-05:00

Its been a long time since the last post. I know. Things just, havent been going my way for a while now. Even though the one bright spot of my evil step-dad finaly being kicke out of the house should make me immensely happy, I feel nothing. I think it is because of other things that have happed.
But first, yeah, my mom is finally devorcing my evil step-dad. There is a restaining order on him for one year so I guess I'll never have to hear from him ever again. Just like my biological dad..somtimes I wonder what it would be like to have a father, or just a second parental unit. (I can see my mom going gay ^^) I really don't think of myself as ever having one. My biological father was abusive to me and my mom and I have not seen or heard from him in 11 years. (Witch is a good thing) My step-father is abusive to everybody, plus hes racist, sexist, hate gay people, hates jewish people, hates Asian people, hates women...well he hates anyting that not him but whatever. Its good hes gone. He is a sick sick sick piece of human filth and was poison to everyone around him. (Also I found out he raped someone in the 80's)

Now onto another bit, my little brother David has been sent to live in a hospital. The evaluation period is 2 months, though this may be for the rest of his life. I have not been away from my brother for more then 15 hours since he was born. Now hes been gone a few weeks, and I'm really starting to miss him. I skipped school the on Friday and my grandmother drove us to the hospital where he is living. Its very far away and a VERY long trip. Its seemed like the way back was longer...this gnaws at me.

My sister Masie has dominion over the whole house now, ordering my mom around and purposefully saying and doing things that will tick my mom off. She evil, and good being so. Too good.

[edit]Oh yeah my girlfiend dumped me for no reason, that didn't help.

All in all. I'm run down. I'm down and out, I'm depressed. I need to get away, just for a little while. I need get away and focus on somethings that are just for me and no one else. Like praticing guitar, practicing my drawing skills, learning new code, reading new book/mangas. I need sometime for a little self improvement and...soul serching? I'm not sure if thats the proper phrase for what I'm trying to express through text...grr -_- I also need sometime to work on applying for colleges and colledge related things but Im not sure there is even a point or reason to do so. My grades are not that great, in fact right now they kinda suck, plus I have no money, and loans are only for people with SOME money, not no money at all. Is there a point? There is so much that I was to do, see and accomplish, but all of that hinges on going to college and that aspect seems pretty bleak atm.
I repeat, I'm depressed

Current Song: 30 seconds to mars-Kings and Queens
Current Book(s): Tsubasa V.1 and Applegeeks V.1
Current Game: Mirrors Edge
Current DO WANT: Amazon Kindle DX

Till next time my friends.

Its only illegal if you get caught

2009-11-02T09:46:00.001-05:00

Its only illegal if you get caught

I can honestly say that this was the best Halloween I have ever had. I went trick or treating with my girlfriend, Klya, and my friends Lizzy and Sunora. My costume was pretty simple, I wore jeans and this skeleton hoodie I own that has a hood that zips up around your face and turns into a skull mask. I scared my buddie KJ's mom by unzipping the hood/mask and revealing...yet another (rubber) skull mask, that Kyla gave me. ^_^ Later, whilst walking the streets, Sunora looked up, she said, “Hey, was that rain?” or something like that. I felt like, 2 tiny sprinkles of rain on my face, then out of nowhere it was like Zeuzs dropped an entire lake on our heads all at once. We yelled and ran onto someones lawn and huddled under a tree. Lizzy started to get varye upset because she remembered the dress that she was wearing was her very expensive prom/dance/formal dress. She then asked us to go to the opposite side of the tree so she could take off the dress and then run home in Sunora's hoodie. She handed the dress around the tree to me and I put it into one of our candy bags while she put Sunora's hoodie on. After a second I head Lizzy say: “GAAAH! The zipper broke and I look very provocative!!” Sunora burst out laughing and Lizzy asked to barrow my skeleton hoodie. I gave it to her and threw all our bags over my back. I like the rain, it was a beatiful night, and after about twelve minutes the rain storm ended anyway. I had a smile on my face the rest of the night! All of us did. Most people would veiw that as a night ruined, but none of us did, I personally thought it was funny as hell, for all of us, and it was just on of those beautiful little moments that makes our short time on earth all the more interesting.

I also was thankful that no cops drove by because if the cop saw us we would all have been arrested for tresspassing and Lizzy would have been aresseted for tresspassing AND public nudity. LOLOLOLOLOL

Also:
Song of the Week: Friends Forever, from the Scrubs the musical

Ive been using Apple's GarageBand to learn how to play Guitar. Ive ALWAYS wanted to learn how to play, but I never had anyone to teach me, but Lizzy knows how and she wants me to play a character that plays lead guitar in a band in a video/short story project that shes doing. Now between Lizzy and GarageBand I've actualy learned a few chord's in a short time, and I gotta say I'm actualy kinda proud of myself, and I'm not ashamed to say so. This has been a pretty good week. All execpt for the fact my little sister Maisie got Swine Flu. Its look fine thought. Shes already getting better.

Till next time everyone!
-Drew

This would make a great FML post, oh wait, it did.

2009-10-05T13:55:00.000-04:00

Late last night I a opened up the case of one of my friends computers to repair it. My light bulb blew out and my room was instanly darkend, while fumbling around my room for the doorknob I tripped and cut my leg wide open in two places on the locking mechanism of the computers case. My friend no longer wants the computer, and I now need 23 stiches (jk)

What weird about all this is that I think its funny as hell.

That, and I keep trying to show people what happend and when I pull up my pant leg they freak out because the cuts are so long and big, LAWL X3

The Pillar of Autumn

2009-10-01T11:09:00.002-04:00

It is offcialy October, one of my favorite months! The temperatuer is dropping, the trees are changing color, new Autumn jackets and clothing are coming out, (that sound reeaally gay, I know) Halloween is comming, and its been raining on and off for the past few days! I LOVE the rain!
Autumn in Maine is looking really pretty this year...

Edwina

2009-09-29T09:41:00.001-04:00

Edwina. I keep thinking of her, sitting in her small home, with all her little nick-nacks, her ainchint tv, all alone, all by herself. In all honesty, I don't even know if she is sill alive. She could have passed away. Edwina is the woman who basicly raised my stepfather, as much as I absolutly hate my stepfather I really liked that nice old woman. My stepfather was some dumb redneck white trash human cockroach, even as a kid, but she took him in even when she had so little herself. I would never have done the same. The woman was a saint who never got the recocnition she deserved. I hope she wins the lottery or something, something great should happen to her. If shes even alive still.

My stepfather would take me to visit her every once in a while. She desrved it for all she did for him. Sometimes during winter me and him would shovel out her drive way. After a while he stoped bringing me to visit her, I know he was not going by himself either. That was years ago. I keep wondering what happend to her, did anything ever happen to her?

Has she passed away...?

I try to ask my mom about it, but she either says she does not know or she changes the subject. I really hope shes (Edwina I mean) happy.

Maybe Im worrying for nothing. Maybe she has a big family and tons of friends I never knew about, she just...did'nt seem like she did.

I wish for nothing more then to at least see her one last time and tell her how much I been worrying and thinking about an old woman I bearly knew. Let her know some else in the world cares about her. Let her know that what she did, taking in some little redneck boy as her own, is aknowleged and appreciated by someone. I know my stepfather does'nt give a rats-ass. I do though, I really do. I know what it means to take in someone when they have nothing and noone. I want her to know that I know.

I wish I knew where she lived....Edwina

I want to see you one last time...I can't remember what you look like...

Edwina.

Last Night Was Eventful

2009-09-04T10:02:00.004-04:00

So last night me, my mom, Britt, and my sister all went to town to eat a Pizza Hut and go to gamestop.

While we were in the Pizza hut parking lot we heard this gunshot-like noise and then a crash. I looked out over the freeway and I saw a large green van crashed into the guardrail. I ran out of the parking lot, jumped over a gaurdrail, ran through traffic like a maniac, and went the driver side window of the van. There was one woman, on her cell phone, who was actualy driving herself to the hospital! I asked her if she was okay, she was, and the I called 911. There were 2 cop cars, an ambulance, and a fire-resque veihical there in under 4 minutes. They got there fast! Even though I didn't reallt DO anything I still feel glad I was there.

Then after pizza, we went to gamestop where I preoderd the next Kindom Hearts game for DS and when I started talking to the guy in the store about Halo 3: ODST, he gave me this!! Its soooo freakin cool!
I guess I had good Karma. :D

IM NOT DEAD!

2009-07-08T17:47:00.005-04:00

...at least not YET.

I went to PortCon Maine 2009 and It was the Most fun I have ever had in my whole life! I have literaly never had more fun then what I did at PortCon!

(gah)...sorry...more later.

Graduation Day

2009-06-03T10:05:00.004-04:00

So Brittany is Graduating.
I'm really happy for her, I am, I just wish that she was as happy about it as I am. She is really not exieted about it at all. This morning on the bus she said "This is my last day riding on the bus." She is really depressed about the whole thing. My mom and I have not been able to cheer her up in any way, but the relationship she has with her girlfriend is flourishing so that's good.

It kinda makes me think though,
if I had not missed so much school that year, all thoese years ago, I would not have had to stay back, and I would be graduating WITH Brittany. Plus I would one year closer to my ultimate life goal of working at Bungie Studios.

Gods I really hate how much my dad fucked up life.

ULTAIMTE E3 HALO GOODNESS

2009-06-03T09:21:00.004-04:00

TONS of new Halo 3: ODST media and an announcement trailer for yet ANOTHER Halo game that Bungie said they were not working on.

Gods Bungie sure knows how to multitask.

LINKS!!

New Debut - HALO: REACH
http://www.gametrailers.com/video/e3-09-halo-reach/49988

New media: HALO 3: ODST
http://www.gametrailers.com/video/e3-09-halo-3-odst/50010
http://www.gametrailers.com/video/e3-09-halo-3-odst/50287
http://www.gametrailers.com/video/e3-09-halo-3-odst/50400
http://www.gametrailers.com/video/e3-09-halo-3-odst/50400
http://www.gametrailers.com/video/e3-09-halo-3-odst/50404

Dear GODS and E3 isn't even OVER yet...

Ripple Dipple!

2009-05-13T09:11:00.005-04:00

Thats the name of the talent show that I went to at another school last friday.

IT WAS AWESEOME.

The had all kinds of music and bands. Lots of hillarious SNL stlye skits in between each showing. There was this one band that for whatever reason reminded me of Paramore, and then they actualy played a song by Paramore! Weird. Anyway there was this one girl who played paino beatifuly. After the show I told how beatiful her playing was and asked her out, we went one date, planed a second, one but her parents fond out and appently don't let her date so the second date was off.

Gah, what is it with me and chicks parents?

Bus-mates

2009-05-04T08:36:00.008-04:00

First off, Ive broken up with my girlfriend. Don't wanna talk about but w/e.

Also as you prolly see on my youtube soon, I have a bus in my backyard, like, a school bus. It has all the seats taken out of it, replaced by 3 beds, a stove, and 3 tables, and has been kinda been turned into a long skiny apartment. Any way one of my friends, her name is Brittany, got into a fight with her parents and got kicked out of her house. Well, I'm a nice guy and a good friends and she knew that so she called me.
Long story short she moved in with me. (Specificly into my bus.) I always thought there would be problems having a room mate of sorts. But the transsion for scarily easy for both of us. We are great friends and love livving together. Its also pretty cool that I have access to all of her music library. I keep putting more and more of it on my Zune.

My and Brittany think the only realson my mom agreed to let her live with us because shes gay. ;P

Till next time!
-Drew

Holy CRAP

2009-04-28T09:27:00.002-04:00

This freaking rocks.
From 1 minute and 30 seconds of one of my freinds clicking on the ads on my site I got $5.94 dollars!
EPIQ WIN

I did nothing and got money for it. Thats like...the American dream or something.

WINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWIN
WINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWIN
WINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWIN
WINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWIN
WINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWIN
WINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWIN
WINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWIN
WINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWIN
WINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWIN

The world of advertseing

2009-04-25T18:11:00.002-04:00

Yep, google ads are on here now. Sorry. I need the money

Job search status: EPIQ PHAIL
42 job applications later no calls back.

I NEED TO GET OUT!. My mom refuses to devorce my step dad and everyday he becomes a bigger douche, I swear. Plus I've seen a lot of "for rent" signs go up in multiple places right near my best friends house. Its like its teasing me! So many cheap as crap appartments all around me but no way to pay for any of them! GAH!

You all know the feeling...

2009-04-18T19:36:00.003-04:00

...that feeling you get when your out side the principals office while hes talking to you parents waiting for him to call you in? That sinking feeling in your stomach?
I've had that feeling for one 2 and a half days now and I haven't the faintest clue why. I feel like something bad has happened or is going to happen but I cannot think of anything.

This is retarded.

Any way coming up here pretty soon your going to see some ads on the site for some money. I've had really hard time finding a job. I applied at a Chinese food restaurant and a landscaping place both of witch just started hiring, I don't think I'll get hired though.

International Shipping not available

2009-04-15T09:58:00.003-04:00

Got I love Anime club at me school. ( In Japanese, Anime Bu!)
I've always wanted to dive into the Otaku world of anime and manga but Ive never really had enough time or resources to do so. Well that has not changed but I'm sure as hell going to try harder now, I was able to go catch a ride with some friends go to a small convention at a local college, its called CULTURE SHOCK. I had so MUCH FUN. I loved it. There are other conventions coming up and Im going to try my best to get to them!

An interesting conversation.

2009-04-05T12:42:00.006-04:00

I'm sitting here in my favorite cafe eavesdropping on two medical students quiz each other for an exam...

"A patient complains of shortness of breath and heart palpitations after being given nitro for..."

Yes, I know eavesdropping is very creepy and stalker-ish but dammit, this stuff is interesting! Its show's like House and Scrubs and seeing people like this in real life that make being a Doctor seem like the coolest freakin job in the world. But alas, there is no way in FUCK that I could correctly remember all that stuff and I definitely would not be able to deal with kind of stress Doctors are put through.

Hey, lets see a video of me walking to my favorite cafe moments before I started my eavesdropping! What fun!

Plus Im already so obsesed with video games that I would probalbly be caught playing Halo 3 on a coma patient's tv. :P

I have visited more stores in the area still, NO ONE IS HIRING. God I'm getting frusterated. I cannot deal with livving at home much longer. This morning my step-dad woke me up breaking in my door, (Literaly breaking it, the bottom stud fell out!) and then screaming "DAH FUACK DYOU DO-WIN IN DAH SACK?!! I'D BEAT YA ONE GWOOD IFFIN IT WERNT AGAINST DAH LAWW! GET DAH FAUCK UP!"

I need a friking job. I cannot satnd livving with this morinic backwards racisst hick much longer. If I can get even a small part-time job I could probably get a small one room studio appartment. The first thing I would do to make it my own by leaving a medium sized puddle on the floor from me cruying tears of happyness. No joke. Lol.

But still, pretty soon, (next month or so) I will be having a little money comming in from my other blog, ( http://the-drew-review.blogspot.com ) witch I don't put any specail on cuz I am going to slap ads all over it. FOR MONEY!

Well, I feel like going for a walk now, I guess I'll stop eavesdropping on the medical students now.

Well, 'Till Next Time! -Drew

A damned miracle

2009-04-04T16:53:00.005-04:00

NO one is hiring anywhere, at all, ever.
Ive been walking all over this place and NO ONE is hiring. Can I go the the local Library to read some new manga? Nope, its closed today. Why you ask? No one knows. I guess not. God I feel so sick, Im dizzy and queasy and should probaly not be staggering my way through traffic. I can't even speak a full sentence. Horay for failing at english. Hey, I know! Why don't you watch me walk around Waterville while having a hard time trying to tell the camera that I can not get a job! Sounds like fun!

Bleh...I need to see a doctor.

On the other hand, sick and destitute as i may be, it is raining, and I love the rain.

I'd like to thank the academy...

2009-03-18T08:43:00.003-04:00

My girlfriend.
Is Amazing.
We've been going out for a few weeks now and have really taken to each other. She is very charasmatic and we like a large ammount of the same things. (so much its scary!(In a good way))
I'm smitten. XD

Also, you, the reader, being on the interweb knows what kind of stupid converstions humaiity is capable of. The thing is, this kind of thing useualy takes place ONLY on the interweb, or at least thats what I thought. In my PC serviceing class the conversations that only take place in the lowest of forums spill out into real life.
Today the entire class (excudeing myself and my friend Ducky) was agureing weather you could, or could not...burn water. The worst part of it all is that the Teacher him self argues just as hard as any of the students.

"OH GOD EVERYBODY..."

2009-03-09T09:12:00.005-04:00

...said Dan over the PA system..."ALGERIA IS TOMOROW." It was not very helpful but it made everybody work a little faster. Setting up the sage, dance floor, and what seemed like hundreds of tables.

My Waltz went off with out much of a hitch, and so did the other dances.

Plus a second date with my girlfriend happened afterwards.
A very awesome second date.

So I had a good weekend

My Blind Date

2009-03-03T09:53:00.004-05:00

This Weekend was horrific.
Waltz is not going well, I think my dance partner has a a little (a lot ) Russian in her because she had a mental breakdown because we were not doing "spectacular" and the instructor spent the entire class claming her down. We are just high school students, and many of the people in the waltz are doing it for the first time. Everybody is screwing up, when they do it they laugh about it and carry on with the routiene, but when one of us gets a step wrong she breaks apart from the goupe and walks off saying shut-up. shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, and leaves me standing there like an Idiot. She makes this not fun now.

Sunday was better though.
Much Better.

My Friend Renee decided hook me up on a blind date with one of her friends, I agreed, and Im glad I did.
Her name is Felcia. She has Itailian, has dark skin and hair and these amazing yellow eyes. She like my favorite shows (House, NCIS) and she plays Halo 2. As all blind dates are, it was akward, we wer'nt sure what to say to each other( me especialy), but at the same time we felt really comfortable with each other, she even said so! We went and saw TAKEN at flagship cinnimas and afterwards walked to a local PIZZA HUT. We had fun.
I guess it went well because I asked her for a second date, (as promted by Renee) and she said yes. ^///^
And as her and Renee were laveing she turned back and said "I'll see you again."

I just sat there and smiled like an idiot.
Still am.

That tingly feeling....

2009-02-17T11:24:00.004-05:00

I AM NAO OFFICAILY 18.
WHOOO HOOOO
For my birthday I stayed over to the Twins house and we spent that night drawing, listening to music, playing video games and laughing our butts off.
I would not want to have spent it any other way. Thanks guys, you mean the world.

The party is Thursday, 1pm-4pm at "Spare Time Recreation"
Be there or be square.
or be a triangle, whatever I don't Judge

Countdown to Nowhere

2009-02-07T12:15:00.006-05:00

As my birthday draws ever closer I know that I will will not be able to get out of my house on the day of my birthday. I cannot bring in enough money a month to pay for an apartment. The just arernt any jobs around that pay enough. The depresson has hit central Maine hard, like many places...so In short I know I wont be able to get out from under my partents on my 18th like I had previously dreamed of for so long...

Now about the birthday itself, scince it IS my 18th, I want it to be special, or at least differnt from all the rest where everbody is dead quiet, looking down at thier shoes as I open my presents because my step-dad is looming over everybody, makeing disgusting noises and jerk comments at everyone and everybody, includeing all my friends and thier parents. D:

So what ever party or gathering is going to happen has to happen somewhere other then home. But for an 18th birthday party you all gotta go out and DO something. But theres nothing around here to do. No parks, no mall, and its winter so going to the beach is out of the question, nothing. I suppose we could go to a Pizza Hut but thats no exactly a high-octane-fun-for-everybody thing to do.
Damn.

Ah well.

I hope someday I can get the hell out of this state. Maybe the counrty, because frankly I this counrty sucks as a whole. I know, I live here and Ive been all over this counrty and its just sucks. In forums I heard poeple from other counrtys talking about the U.S. frequently. They say "its a paradise" and "I can't wait to go there!" IM TELLING ALL OF YOU NOW STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THIS COUNTRY, FOR YOUR OWN SAKES. YOU WON'T LIKE IT HERE.

Instead give your ticket money to me so I can come to your country. :P

Well thats all for now, for my friends who may be reading this, all I want for my birthday is money, give me $5 and you will have my eternal friendship.

Well now, aren't I cheap? XP

Hes back in black

2009-02-05T08:49:00.005-05:00

Well my step dad was discharged from the hospital's asylum yesterday, wich sucks because my friends and I were hopeing to party-hardy this weekend at MY house for once scince he would not be there...but I guess not. With his first night sleeping here I woken up by the sound of him screaming and my mom crying....something about her cats...idk. Well as you can probably guess Im typing this from school and I am very fucking sleepy so Im gonna take nap right here In PC Serviceing class.

nighty-night.

A Tad chilly.

2009-02-02T13:01:00.003-05:00

Its realllllly frickin cold up here in Maine today.

So cold, that my pipes froze. So no running water. I spent so much time trying to unfreze them that I missed the bus to school. So I gave up and went over to my friends house to take a shower before school, THUS missing my first period class.
Great start to the day

Well I got my first check, $172. Im going to go bring it to the bank after school today. But alas, I hope that my friends are home, as in my pipe-unfreezeing rush this morning I have forggoten my cell-phone at home.
Damn.

Hey for those of you who are papercraft/Legend of Zelda fans check this out.
Its four papercraft sheets of the four link chara's from The Legend od Zelda: the Four Swords. Im going to make them later today hopefully.

And I found a cool little game for you all to play. Its called Teeworlds. A 2-D, multiplayer, platform, shooter that looks cute and cuddly at first, thats when THE GUNS COME OUT. You play as a little ball like creatuer called a "Tee," you jump around from place to place shooting the crap-fuck out of other "Tee"s.
All and all, its a solid, fun, and addicting game for anyone to play. They have versions of it for all the platforms, (Windows, Mac, Linux) and as always, its free. Ive been playing it for a while now and Im pretty happy *addicted* with it so download it and give it a try. If you see anyone on there named Pumpkin Thief, thats me, be gentle.

BEST. DAY. EVER.

2009-01-31T11:48:00.005-05:00

My step-dad went crazy.
I mean CRAZY crazy.
Like drooling-in-the-fetal-postition-in-a-corner-crazy.
We dont know why, we dont know how. But we are all VERYVERYVERYVERY happy about it. After hearding the news my and all of my friends who snowboard, went snowboarding well into the night, in diffent spots around town.
*Billy Mays voice* WAIT! BUT THATS NOT ALL!

My step-dad, (because hes high on drugs all the time) for a second time failed to re-register as a sex-offender so now(after he gets out of rehab) he may have to go to jail for 90-120 days!!!!!!! ITS THE BEST THING EVER!!!!!

My mother and my siblings could get out of here and into a differnt home by then! Maybe, just maybe. With bit of luck this could just work.

Luck....riiiiiggght....

whatever, I still need to find another source of income so I can bring in enough money to get my self out of here and into an apartment. Appanrtly you can get a small about of money for endorceing products in your blog. Well that would suck if i were to suddenly start talking about real estate or something like that in here, buuuut if it brings in more money.....so be it.

Till we meet again. -Drew

Waltz is hard

2009-01-24T11:23:00.003-05:00

Very hard, or it is for me. and my dance partner is very abusive about it.
She hits -_-;

Look what I got!

2009-01-21T08:00:00.002-05:00

My freind Lizzy just wrote something really cool, Its a short story about being your self, sounds lame right? WRONG! Read it nao.
-Drew

I am on the Twitter,

2009-01-20T08:57:00.001-05:00

now I am tweeting.

Let the stalking begin.